Okay, so this is a little bit new to me, so please bear with me. I started college in September in a completely new state, knew no one, etc. I have always been straight, had straight feelings, made out with girls and had pleasure, watched straight or lesbian porn, but recently I have been really confused. I met this guy down the hall from me and we became extremely good friends. We literally spend just about every waking minute together. He is gay, and we have both gone through several flings with girls (for me) and guys (for him) since college started, although I have never actually had full blown sex with a girl before. To clarify, there were no girls at my highschool, and I knew very few girls in general. Also, I have decided not to have sex with anyone until I know them for at least a month, so it isn't that I haven't wanted to have sex, it's more that I haven't ever met anyone that I have felt comfortable having sex with. Anyways, so this guy and I eat together, work out together, drink together, and party together. For the first few months of our friendship, I had completely platonic feelings for him. I helped him pick up guys, he helped me pick up girls, it was working great. Over the past 2 weeks though (we have known each other for 6 months now), I have started having these really intense feelings for him. To the point where I am getting erections when we hang out together watching movies or whatever. I am pretty sure that he has had feelings for me, but more because of our relationship than anything I have to offer. To clarify, he is an extremely attractive guy- 8/10 probably- and I am average at best- 6/10. Additionally, he comes off as a really shallow guy to me. He judges people based on their appearance extremely quickly, so I see no way in which he would take me seriously. Sometimes when we are watching something we will catch each others eyes and just stare for 3-4 before I break eye contact because I get uncomfortable because the pit of my stomach is dropping out like on a roller coaster. To complicate matters even more, when we get drunk, even in the presence of other gay guys/girls, I am always off limits. If anyone comes up to me, he immediately tells them to back off, and says things like "this is my straight best friends, my only connection to the straight world" and then he laughs. So in that way, I feel like I have a responsibility to be his straight friend, and I feel like I would be letting him down if I told him how I feel. We have so much in common: the same sense of humor, the same quirks (even though he tries hard to hide them), the same past to an extent, the same taste in foods even, so if nothing else I want to keep him as a friend. That is my first priority. Last night, we went out together and the whole staring into each others eyes happened a few times, which is more than normal. We got back to the dorms, ordered food, and went to bed. I woke up this morning and am just so tired of concealing my feelings for him. I don't know how some of you guys can do it for years. I am literally tearing myself apart after two weeks of feeling this way. More frustratingly, I dont know how to define my feelings. Am I in love, am I infatuated, do we just spend so much time together that I want to be with him? Anyways, I acted cranky this morning because of these feelings (and because he was on his phone all through breakfast...) so I texted him from my dorm saying "Hey, Im in a really bad mood, sorry if I seemed jerkish earlier" Him: "No. you didnt" Me: "Good, I think I just need some time to sort things out on my own, so I'm not mad or anything like that but if I'm a little bit antisocial over the next few days it's only because I'm in a weird place." Him: "I clearly know. " Me: "I know you do and that's why I'm so grateful for you as a friend" I dont really know what to think at this point. I feel like he already knows how I feel based on his text, so I might as well just tell him and get it out there. On the other hand, I might be misinterpreting and make a complete fool of myself, lose my best (and one of my only) friends, ostracize myself from just about every other friend I have, and sink into depression. I have no idea what to do, so sorry for posting so much text, but I really just needed a place to get it all out there and say it out loud. Any advice is welcome and greatly appreciated.
I'm not an expert or something but I think you should tell him that you recently have feelings for a guy. Since he is gay and close to you, I don't think he will stop being friends with you.
hey, I think that you should tell him. he has probably been through this sort of thing before and if he feels the same way then great. and, if he is a true friend then im sure he will try and help you to figure it out.
Sounds like a difficult situation! (*hug*) I don't know if my advice can be of any help, but you probably need to watch out for the friend zone. If you tell him about your feelings and he strictly sees you as his "straight best friend", that might put a strain on your friendship. Maybe try becoming gradually more flirty around him first and see how he reacts?
If he's as good a friend as you say he is, then I think you should have a serious conversation with him about the way you feel. Being gay himself, he may be able to shed some light on your situation. You've said that he usually calls you his "straight best friend" when you're drinking; I wouldn't be too worried about "letting him down," as you put it. The way I see it, if he ditches you because you had feelings for him, that would be him letting you down. But I think sitting down and having a serious, open conversation with him explaining how you feel and what you're going through mentally would help. Like Hannah said, he may have gone through similar situations in his life, and his experiences could help you figure things out. I wish you the best whatever you decide!
