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Bisexuality is confusing!

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Liquid, Feb 24, 2014.

  1. Liquid

    Liquid Guest

    So I have convinced myself I might be bisexual. See my earlier post. The weird thing is that sometimes I feel in my heart that I am straight or gay and cannot simply see how I didn't know I could like both. I'm happy currently in my relationship with my soon to be wife but this constant back and forth has ruined some of that happiness. I never once in my life watched gay porn or anything. I always had wet dreams of women. I have always been able to look at a man and notice that he is good looking. Now, I can say he is hot and not be bothered. I find myself attracted to women more sexually because I naturally follow their ass and enjoy looking at them. I cannot honestly say what I find on a man attractive other than their face. I have earnestly tried watching gay porn mutiple times and I have tried to force myself to think to enjoy it and I cannot. I'm not repulsed it just doesn't do anything for me. Where as naturally I can stimulate myself to lesbian and straight porn. It's almost as if I have convinced myself I'm bi or gay. I honestly think if I was aroused by gay porn I would have no problem trying. The reason why I say this, is because most people I have read that ended up being gay, had no problem aroused my gay porn, but their mind couldn't accept it at first. Where as I have forced and I cannot naturally get aroused. I have tried to be open about it but nothing happens.

    I have tried to fantasize about men but normally it starts off me eating a women out then I see a dick or a dick on a woman's body. It's like coming to this forum has only made me more confused than confident about myself. My mind is too frazzled for me to try and focus on fantasies and I end up going to lesbian or straight porn. I enjoy sex with my wife and usually find myself instigating it more than she lol.

    Could anyone give me more insight?

    ---------- Post added 24th Feb 2014 at 02:46 PM ----------

    I feel as though if I was truly straight, I wouldn't be questioning this sort of thing.

    ---------- Post added 24th Feb 2014 at 02:57 PM ----------

    I mean I know I'm not fully gay because I have no problem getting aroused to lesbian porn and have watched many of it throughout my puberty and later years, even now. It's just I cannot tell if my attractions to men are genuine or just admiration? It's very confusing and then reading all these stories of men who come out to their wives later is scary. I have kept my communication lines open and my wife is very supportive of me and we have even watched gay porn together and I couldn't get aroused. It's like I stated I have convinced myself I'm bi or gay but yet, when she takes her clothes off I naturally get a hard on without even trying, or even when we kiss and I think that is a tell tale sign that I could be straight or even somewhat bi? I don't know what to do...

    ---------- Post added 24th Feb 2014 at 03:05 PM ----------

    I even thought at one point I was an asexual because although I found women attractive I never could have sex with them without getting to know them on an emotional standpoint, because all my friends got into relationships, had sex immediately and their relationship back peddled. I know I'm a demisexual for sure because my wife is the first person I had sex with. I was so nervous and came quickly and then couldn't get hard again. It was then I thought I was bi or gay and the next couple times I was able to get hard but as soon as the condom went on I went soft and I started to think again. Over time I realized this was performance anxiety and now I have no problem.
     
  2. softsprite

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    I've doubted my bisexuality a couple of times, but I think that has to do with how fluid sexuality can be. I started out feeling pretty darn gay, then would go through a period of not thinking about women at all, then swing back to bi, then to asexual, and back again over the years. But I believe that if the nagging thought is there, it is worth exploring or at least acknowledging. Because honestly why would someone force themselves to be a sexual minority if it weren't a deep and true feeling? It's sort of bringing a lot of potential trouble upon oneself for no reason, ya know. I also think that our baggage, like childhood experiences and emotional traumas with parents and caregivers, has a lot to do with how we feel comfortable later in life. For example, bisexuals who have a traumatic relationship with the same-sex parent might lean more heterosexual just because it provides some distance from trust issues--and vice versa. Not saying that orientation is determined by past experiences, just that in my experience those things factor into ALL of my relationships, whether same-sex or not. There are also gender identity issues in play, which sometimes people mistake for sexual orientation questions I think. I'm not sure exactly. All I can say is that everyone is entirely unique and that it's worth exploring until you find your groove, whether that be demi-, a-, bi-, whatever-sexual! :slight_smile:
     
  3. Liquid

    Liquid Guest

    Anyone please?
     
  4. BookDragon

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    OK so first, I think we should address what has to be the most common idea about bisexuality and is also probably the most incorrect of them all.

    I'm talking about physical attraction and arousal.

    So you ask any number of people out in the street who aren't actively involved with LGBT issues what it means to be bisexual, and most of them will say something along the lines of "It means you're attracted to men and women". Often you will find people go further with this and say it means you are attracted to both at all times! When I told my mother I was bi, she asked who the two people where I was attracted to!

    "It means you're attracted to men and women" is, with the best will in the world, wrong. It has less to do with who you ARE attracted to and much more to do with POTENTIAL.

    Currently, I don't know any men I'm attracted to. Having said that, I know I'm not a lesbian. I do know, I have the potential to find men attractive. HOW do I know that...honestly, I'm not sure, I just feel very strongly that if the right guy for me came along I am just as likely to melt for him as I am for the right girl or other gendered person!

    You've told us your experience with gay porn. "it just doesn't do anything for me". So I ask you, what's wrong with that? I'm not particularly big on lesbian porn even though I know I'd enjoy being involved!

    My point here is, that you could BE bisexual and spend most of your life not finding guys attractive. You don't need to force yourself to enjoy gay porn, or make yourself identify parts of a guys body you find attractive. You don't do that with women, why should you do it with men? When did you sit there and force yourself to enjoy lesbian porn for example? You didn't, you just stumbled upon something you liked and watched some more. So try it that way. Don't worry about forcing yourself to enjoy things that you know some bisexual or gay people enjoy, just enjoy what you enjoy. If at some point you see a guy and suddenly think how he has the cutest smile and such a nice butt you just HAVE to watch him walk away, then fair enough. If not, no matter!
     
  5. Liquid

    Liquid Guest

    But why is it so confusing. Ive questioned everything! When before i always crushed on women... see my earlier thread. Its like my mind is saying youre just gay, youve never liked women, bi isnt real and youre not straight. When ive clearly crushed over them and fell in love with the woman im with now.
     
  6. Liquid

    Liquid Guest

    Seriously, this is mindboggling...
     
  7. Ettina

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    Maybe instead of being attracted to both men and women, you're attracted to women and transgender people?
     
  8. Liquid

    Liquid Guest

    I have no idea. It seems it would be easier to say I'm straight or gay. I'm not repressing anything, I have nothing to hide from myself or my fiance' I just feel confused and distraught.