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Questioning myself?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ChameleonSoul, Feb 24, 2014.

  1. ChameleonSoul

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    Recently, I've been scouring this website and other forums looking for some sort of advice to find somebody in the same boat I'm in. I haven't found anything that helps, so I figured it's time to ask the public. I'll try to keep it short!

    I am a sixteen years old and for the past year, I've been questioning my sexuality. Up until that point, I only saw myself as heterosexual, eventually getting a girlfriend, marrying, having children, etc. Now I facing an identity crisis, realizing that I had only had a true "crush" on one girl when I was in middle school and that such feelings have not returned for any other girls. I have been frequently asked by my friends why I haven't found a girlfriend yet and one of my female friends is trying to hook me up with other girls around school, hoping that I find someone I like. I ask myself if I really am straight and that I might be gay or bisexual almost every day.

    This insecurity though hasn't been helped by my family. I haven't had any father figure in my life since I was six years old and despite my mother's tolerance, many people in my extended family are very religious and very homophobic, saying that the Catholic Church condones homosexuality.This obviously makes coming out to my family impossible...

    ...But enough with the sob story!

    What are your thoughts on my dilemma? Am I second guessing myself or should I come to terms with my sexuality? Also, does anyone have any ideas on how to get my friend to stop trying to hook me up without coming out to her? I don't want to tell her anything until I am 100% sure about myself.
     
  2. angel626

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    You can tell your friend that you're fine being single and that she can stop looking for other girls for you to date. I know its scary trying to figure out your sexuality but I know what helped me out when I was questioning myself was closing my eyes and visualizing the ideal person I would want to spend the rest of my life with. Every time I did that automatically a woman would pop into my head, going off of that I would deliberately check out other girls and see what I liked.
    Oh and one more thing the pope for the Cathloic Church, Pope Francis, stated "If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?" Even the pope thinks its wrong to use religion to judge other people. Now you can throw that in anyone's face that tries to talk shit.
     
  3. ChameleonSoul

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    Thank you for helping me out with this dilemma! It was awkward, but I decided that it would be for the best if I told my friend about my sexuality. She's fine with it and was glad that I came out to her She does feel guilty about everything, but I'm trying to get her to understand that there was no way she could have known. I also tried visualizing my ideal person and only other guys have crossed my mind...

    ...As for my family, I don't think it'll be a good idea to tell them for a while, at least until I'm in college and have somewhere to go.
     
  4. Chip

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    I've heard you talk a lot about what you aren't, but not much about what you are. And it's quite possible that's because it's uncomfortable for you to to put it in writing. So I'm going to talk about the elephant in the room. :slight_smile:

    So you've said you haven't felt any attraction to any girls since middle school. What about boys? When you're out and about at school, out shopping, wandering around your city... where do your eyes wander? Are you noticing cute guys? cute girls? both?

    When you masturbate (without porn), what are you thinking about ? Are you imagining yourself with another guy? another girl? both?

    If you're unclear, one of the best things you can do is to experiment. Notice when you're out, and not paying conscious attention, where your eyes wander. And then, give yourself permission, for a day, to look at guys and notice how attractive they are (or are not)... and then spend another day and do the same with girls.

    Try the same with masturbating (again, without porn.) Consciously think only about guys and see how aroused you are, and then, in a separate session, think about girls and see how aroused you are with that. Do each a couple times to give you enough chance to see if there's consistency.

    Between those things, it should give you a pretty clear picture.

    It sounds like you're already open to the possibility you're bi or gay, so it doesn't seem like there will be a lot of resistance on your part to figuring this out, but keep in mind that there may be some part of you that really wants you to be straight, and that can influence how you evaluate the results of your "testing". So just be aware of that possibilty, do your best to observe what's happening, and see if it clears things up.

    Feel free to report back, ask any questions or ask for clarification on any ambiguities you experience.
     
  5. istep

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    I kind of went through the same thing. My father used to tell me all the time about how he'd disown any child who's gay, or at least distance from them. As far the identifying factor, I think you should just access how you react to different genders. What i did was just come to terms with the fact that SOME guys are attractive to me; doesn't neccesarily mean you're gay. I went with bi curious because i'm also still attracted to females