I took a week off of here to gather my thoughts (again) and I'm so confused! I'm very much sexually attracted to men but I have this "need" to be close to a woman. I don't have very many girlfriends and I tend to get very clingy with the friends I do have. I have been with a few women sexually and I didn't like it very much. There was one girl I was able to "get off" with but I didn't like touching her and I was pretending she had a penis. I'm married to a wonderful man and I love the sex with him. I also do love him a lot, but maybe I'm curious? Bored? Lonely? I'm confused because I feel like I want to have sex with women but I don't get anything from it, it's kind of weird. It's like eating a pizza when I'd rather eat fried chicken. Half way through I'm like "why do I keep doing this?" I'm wondering if I am more homoromantic-heterosexual. I was very much "in love" with my best friend in high school but I couldn't be satisfied sexually with her. I just love men way too much. But I feel way more closer to women emotionally. I just get these warm, fuzzy mushy feelings when I think of myself with a woman, but I get turned off when I think of being sexual with them. I do love my husband and I literally cry tears when I think of spending our lives together and sexually I'm all there. Andddd, on top of that, I'm so interested in lbgt things - I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm just bored with my life and want something new.
Well there must be some reason you keep going back to women. It's quite possible you are homoromantic, heterosexual. Or simply bisexual, or pansexual but not that into female parts. I've known straight girls who didn't like the p. and gay girls who didn't like the v. and gay guys who didn't like anal or oral but just wanted to be naked with other guys. Go figure. There are innumerable variations on sexual/romantic attraction and orientation. I hated sex with men early on but learned to like it when I fell in love, same with women. And for some reason sex with women is intensely anxiety-provoking for me, maybe because I'm afraid I'm no good at it. Practice build confidence, I guess, and confidence is a huge determinant in arousal for some people. There are genderqueer/two-spirit folks with "boy parts" who present as girls and have female spirits, and maybe that's what you are really looking for. But if you love your husband, stay with him! But I hope you can talk to him about these things and you can continue exploring your feelings without damaging your relationship. It's ok to be mixed up! Sex can be extremely complicated...not to mention of course love. Whew.
For what you describe, it does sound like you are homoromantic or biromantic heterosexual. But as soft sprite said, you could also use a different label. Absolutely stay with your husband. It's obvious you love him very much. I would suggest talking with him about your feelings. Just talking about them and bringing them out in the open could help settle your mind.
I'm so confused and this is taking over my life. I've lost all my feelings for my husband once again and I just feel so gay now. I just keep picturing my life with a woman and I'm so lonely. Maybe I was just too young/unopen when I was with women in my past. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm getting more and more depressed. I used to talk to my husband about this a long time ago and I stopped because one week I'd be fine, the next I'd think I was gay again. This is just too much to handle.
Do you have friends around you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans? Maybe the companionship of LGBT friends would help with the loneliness. If you and your husband both find a place in the LBGT community, maybe things would become clear. If, for example, they accept you as a couple and you lose these feelings of ambivalence then maybe what you needed was a confirmation of your identity outside the confines of marriage. If, on the other hand, in spending time with lesbian and bisexual women you begin to feel an even stronger pull and feel more out of touch with your feeling for your husband, maybe it is time to take a break. Either way, it's important that you keep talking to him. I've been through this before in relationships. And in my marriage. I haven't acted on it since I've been married. Please don't judge me for this because it was all worked out beforehand and no one got hurt--but right before we got engaged I did sleep with a woman I'd just met who was in an open relationship. I told my then-boyfriend future-husband what I was doing, I told my lover I had no intentions of taking it any further. And although it was a pleasant experience, I knew at the end of the night that I didn't want to stay until morning. I'm still bisexual and that never goes away, but the "last call" before engagement kept me from being haunted by that nagging feeling. It still comes up sometimes, the regret over past relationships that I wasn't mature enough to make work, but my husband also has the ghosts of women he'll never get over haunting him. So we talk about it and cry about it together. I'm sorry this isn't helping much. I wish there were answers. Just keep posting and don't let yourself get too depressed. Somehow or another it will work out--even if it means you need to take some time for yourself away from the marriage, just to think. And like I said, having a circle of LGBT friends close by might really help you get through this period.
Besides homoromantic heterosexual, some aromantics also have "squishes" - sort of the platonic, aromantic equivalent of a crush. I have to say that I don't really understand it that well and I think when you get to that kind of super-fine line it probably just gets confusing.
