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I don't know...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Maeve, Feb 25, 2014.

  1. Maeve

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    I suppose I've always been attracted to women. Not as much as I'm attracted to guys, but it's always been there. I've been thinking about it a lot more lately. As in, I could see myself dating another woman. But it feels weird. Not bad-weird, though!

    I feel guilty about feeling weird about my sexuality. I've ALWAYS identified as an ally, ever since I learned that people could be gay. Most of my friends are trans*, gay or asexual. I'm a psychology major, and I KNOW sexuality is fluid and weird and doesn't always make sense. I took a whole class on it.

    I don't know what to do, if anything. I'm not seeing anyone right now (craaazy semester) so it's not really an issue.I just want someone to listen, I guess. I'm 20, almost 21, and it seems like I should really have this stuff figured out.

    PS: I'm sooo sorry if I rambled. It's after 10PM here, and I get up at 6:30. Or I try, at least. I'm tired, haha.
     
  2. abandonedsocks

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    If it makes you feel any better, I am 21 and I still don't have it figured out. I went through a lot of denial and anger, and I'm working through it. It's hard, questioning it. I'd suggest you do some exploring of your own thoughts. Go through a day, a month, a year, a life with a guy. And a girl. Imagine everything. Where are you most comfortable? Are you fine in either? Or just one? Imagine sex, but imagine the fights, the ups, and the downs. If you honestly think you could and want to, perhaps try dating a girl. Just make sure it's really what you want, for both your sake. It's normal to question, especially after taking a course all about it. ;P Just remember to try not to grab for easy answers, because those are usually the wrong ones! Be patient, and don't feel guilty for being unsure... most, if not everyone is at some point in their lives!
     
  3. Maeve

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    I took the class a year ago, so it's hardly recent. It's been only really been *seriously* on my mind for a few months. Before, I couldn't imagine being in a long-term relationship, as in married, kids, waking up every morning next to a woman. Now I can.
     
  4. sldanlm

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    Don't worry about not knowing at 20. I'm 27, and still trying to figure out things. Up till a year ago I thought I was strictly a lesbian, only had and only wanted physical relationships with other females. Don't even find the typical male form physically attractive at all, and it felt bad on the few times I tried sexual contact with guys in the past. (making out, guys touching me certain places)

    Two years ago I lost my long time partner and suffered a severe depression. I became almost asexual. Wasn't dating anyone. Then last year I started hanging out with a guy who was a longtime friend of both me and my former partner, just too combat our mutual loneliness. Neither of us wanted to date anyone, particulary each other. We ended up falling in love, and I ended up having a sort of physical desire for him. At the time I had no idea what a demisexual was, or that I might be one. I don't know if I became one or was one all along, because I never truly loved the guys I dated in HS. Perhaps its like another psych major told me, that my love for him is because I associate him with my former partner, although personality wise they are different. I just know that for me my sexuality has never been fluid, like other bisexuals I know. You're a psych major, what do you think?
     
  5. persephoneswife

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    Hey man, I'm twenty-four and I am just starting to get a handle on all of this, haha.

    Early twenties are a tough time, because it feels like there's some magical switch that'll flip and you'll suddenly wake up one morning all, "Okay. Yes. Now I am an adult."

    As a psych major I'm sure you know that it's normal to feel that way, and also that, in truth, most people don't feel like adults all the time, or even most of the time.

    Like I said, I'm closing in on a quarter-century and I'm just now getting good at paying my bills on time, let alone tackling the whole existential crisis of sexuality. You have plenty of time to figure things out and it sounds you're building on an awesome support structure.

    Talk to some of your friends, ask for advice. They'll understand how tough it is.

    In the interest of helping, I'll add that around your age I identified strongly as bisexual with a preference for men, but within the past two months have begun seriously reevaluating myself and considering that I might be (and likely actually am) gay.

    I'm getting a little ramble-y myself, sorry! Haha. I hope this helps a bit. :slight_smile:
     
    #5 persephoneswife, Feb 26, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2014
  6. Maeve

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    If I look at it from a clinic perspective, i.e, "Maeve is a 20-year-old female questioning her sexuality," there's no issue. The problem is that I'm questioning MY sexuality. I don't know why it's so hard.

    I don't want to talk to my friends. Not yet, anyway. Mostly because I'm so confused myself right now. I'm really not very good at opening up to people in general, even my close friends. I know they'd love and accept me no matter what, but I'm not there yet. I live with my mom and stepdad, and I know they would be fine with it--I have a gay stepsister. Haven't talked to my dad in years, but I suspect he's slightly homophobic.
     
  7. softsprite

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    Like others here I can tell you it's not at all unusual to be unsure at 20 or 21. I was more certain of who I was at age 15 than age 25. From ages 20-25 I had no idea what I wanted or who I really was. And there are people I know who didn't really get it figured out until they were 40 or 50. So you are most definitely not alone. I hope you can confide in a trusted friend--it eases the journey when there's someone close who knows what you're going through.