Okay, so i've come on this site before and asked questions but this is of a different magnitude So, i've had a boyfriend in the past, but that wasn't a very good experience, mainly because i didn't feel comfortable at all during the whole time and blatantly refused to kiss him because, really, i couldn't think of any reason but i had an intense want just to not, almost disgusted by the thought. I've always found girls attractive but have only recently let myself look at them in the way i always constrained myself not too on the basis of what people will think if they see. I remember writing in many diaries from the end of primary school through high school about the increasing want to be with a girl in a sexual way. I have, of course, has silly crushes on guys but i never really wanted anything to come from many of them, all being about mainly intimidation, as in me being intimidated by them. I do find guys attractive in some way, but not in the wow factor that i see girls. When i first saw Jessica Rabbit in who framed rodger rabbit, or Elza change in Frozen, I sat up straight, paid attention, felt a sweeling in my chest, legs and feet and my mouth hung open wanting to shout out loud how hella fine they are. Where as with guys I see them, then later on, maybe a few minutes or hours, even weeks, i'll think, yeah he's kind of attractive. Then i might have a stupid juvenile crush on them, find something big i don't like about them and go back into being their friend. This has happened for almost every guy i know. With girls it's easier, and I find myself not intimidated and even having the ability to flirt and carry a structured conversation. I hadn't thought about actually being with a girl until earlier this year as a sort of experiment with myself, as a person of a very active imagination. I thought of being in a relationship with a girl and it mainly consisted of normal things couples do, we watched tv together and i had to wake her up for work the next morning, but I enjoyed almost every minute of it. The mundane stuff we did just made it seem real and, as a person who is terrified of having sex, giving birth and having a child under the age of 3, i did have a fantasy where my partner gave birth to the child herself. The situation, one in my head, is one of my happiest moments where i actually understood what my mother meant when she said the term 'instant love' to the point of tears of happiness. This is a huge thing for me, as someone who only cries on very rare occasions, and never out of happiness. So i was wondering what you guys thought? Somedays i classify myself as gay, but then i see maybe a guy i find attractive in one way or another, even a small bit, and his appearance quickly fades and i get confused over maybe the fact that I am bi. I feel most comfortable with the umbrella term of queer, and can see myself with a woman in my university years till about my late 30's and thenall my fantasies come to a stop Any notes you can give would be widly helpful Kind regards Dayday4 NOTE: The woman i am in a relationship with is always 28 as am I, she and I have been dating since we were about 18 or 19 years of age, succesful in our careers, living together and i am always happy.
Take a look at the Kinsey Scale. Personally, I'd say you're a five, which is pretty dang gay, but you need to place yourself on the scale.
