Hey.... I'm 21 and I've never been in a relationship with a guy or girl as of yet in my life but i seem to find myself looking and thinking of guys a lot more of the time. The thing is that am I gay or bi?.............. I've searched through forums here and there but i never seem to come to a conclusion so i though i should experiment with some. I know its not the best way but i was using an app.. ****** which isnt the best at all for an experiment but ive talked to 2 people that live close and told them that sex is a no no... ( and i personally dont have an interest in sex) and one is 28, whom is out and another is 19.. which is in closest ( as i am to, due to signs that my mom wont even accept gays/bi/les) I came here for your opinion if i should go out and experiement with whoever or should i not and keep hidden of my sexual orientation -p.s. I dont think id ever tell my mom that im gay and it hurts thinking that if im gay ill just be a huge letdown
I think that experimenting is the best way to know in your case. Just be careful. If you can you need to let the people you're experimenting with know that that's what you're doing. If you don't, other people's feelings can get hurt and you don't want that kind of drama. I am going to tell you this though: don't ever, ever, never ever hide your sexual orientation. If you do that your whole life you'll be miserable. As for your mother, she doesn't have to know right away. You should figure things out first and have time to accept it. Then, when the time is right you can start coming out. You're the person that has to be each to come out, not anyone else you're coming out to. You won't be a letdown. She is your mother and will always love you no matter what. It may take her a while to accept the facts, but that doesn't mean she'll stop loving you. If you find that you are gay, she should definitely know at some point. She deserves to know and you shouldn't hide it from her. You need to always be yourself.
If you aren't interested in sex... I'd say that you're homoromantic asexual, but how should I know? I wouldn't suggest "experimenting", I've read some horror stories here about people just feeling dirty and guilty afterwords, weather they enjoyed it or not.
Welcome to EC Skylinz! I think it would help if you clarify what you mean by experimenting. People seem to be interpreting that different ways already. Do you mean sex? (I suspect not based on your post; it sounded like you were very comfortable drawing personal boundaries). Or do you mean non-sexual "fooling around" (making out, etc.)? Or dating? In any case, the answer all depends on your comfort level. Some sort of new experience with men or women would probably be really helpful for you to understand your sexuality better.
I REALLY don't recomend it. Experimentation is extemely trashy in my opinion. Whether or not you are gay will become obvious eventually, just be patient.
I mean like making out. I cant date since im in the closet and if my mom knew..... well things wont be so good
I still wouldn't do it, even if it is just making out. I'd imagine that expressing intimacy with someone I don't know feels revolting.
Coming from someone who has expiramented, I highly don't recommend it. I regretted it the day after and even to this day (that was over a year ago to give some info). The person who I expiramented with was highly torn apart and damaged. I hate myself everyday for expiramenting and I'm the kind of guy that never forgets and dwells on an instance for quite a while. I wish I had never done the deed but what's done is done. I can't change the past even if I wanted to. Even though you just want to make out, I still don't recommend it because making out can lead to other stuff and even though you set yourself personal boundaries, you may get caught up in the heat of the moment and forget all about the boundaries.
First, you're almost certainly not a homoromantic asexual. You're much more likely a normal guy who hasn't had much experience yet and therefore aren't very connected with your sex drive. While there are certainly people who are asexual, I get really tired of every time someone says they aren't interested in sex, someone pops in and proposes a label that is not recognized or accepted in this context by the psychology or sexology professions, and to the extent it is a legitimate diagnosis, is exceedingly rare and grossly overused. Now, that issue addressed: If the primary goal is to find out if you're gay, the best way to determine that is to look at your own sexual fantasies and attractions. Where are your eyes wandering when you're out and about, and particularly, when you're not paying clear conscious attention, and just letting your eyes go where they go. Is it to guys? girls ? Both? Second, when you masturbate without porn, where does your mind go? What fantasies pop into your head? Are you more commonly thinking of guys or girls? If you don't get a clear answer from that, then I'd suggest masturbating and thinking only of girls from start to finish, and see how arousing that is... and then, in your next session, do the opposite and only think about guys. Usually, you'll get a pretty clear idea of where your attractions are from that. The only caveat is, sometimes, if you find yourself aroused by guys, it will feel great, and then there will be a strong revulsion after you've ejaculated. If so, that doesn't mean you're straight, and in most cases is an indicator that your unconscious and your conscious aren't in alignment, and you're not yet fully comfortable with your attraction to guys. I don't recommend hookups. First, if you want to meaningfully understand what a healthy intimate relationship is, particualarly if you don't really enjoy sex, having a hookup is the totally wrong way to go about it. It will lack the intimacy and authentic emotion and caring that is a large part of what makes an authentic sexual experience worthwhile and enjoyable. Second, unless you fully disclose to the other person that you're experimenting and don't know where you stand and just want to try things out, it really isn't fair to them, and they may end up getting hurt. Finally, given the confusion, I don't think hookup culture and dating apps is the way to go. You'll be able to tell if you're gay without actually having sex with a guy. Once you know, then, if you are gay, you can start thinking about where you want to go with it, as in how quickly you want to come out, what you want in a partner, etc. Hope that helps!
