I've wondered for quite a few years if i might be gay or bi, and it's never bothered me. Sometimes I try and figure it out, but I just can't seem to, and it was okay, because I thought I'd get there eventually, or even if I didn't it wouldn't matter as long as I was comfortable in whatever relationship I was in (or single). Now I'm 23 and have never had relationship last lasted more than a week (and not in the I was a school kind of way, sadly) and basically I no idea what I am doing, which was also okay. I even though I had it figured out that I was straight, but a just little curious. It's never upset me that I didn't know for sure, but suddenly I'm really freaking out about it. But I'm starting to get scared that I can't get romantically intimate with anyone. I really freak out whenever I might, and every guy who's expressed feelings for me hasn't made it past the first date, and I keep changing my mind and thinking I'm gay when they start to like me. Am I freaking out because I'm trying to act straight, when I'm not? Or do I just have intimacy issues that I need to work through with the right girl or guy? HELP!!!! :icon_sad:
Sounds like you're very anxious, and that's totally normal. I'm a whole lot more calm and happy since I told someone that I may not be completely straight. I'd been struggling with it, and entire days could be ruined because I was anxious and panicky about everything. This fear seeped into everything. Even though I wasn't sure at all, I told my best friend. It was hard, but she was all but loving and now we have little inside jokes and she's so supportive. I'm just a million times happier. So for your situation, I would seriously consider telling someone SOMETHING. It doesn't have to be a grand I'M GAY, it can just be, hey, you know I might not be fully straight. It's a wonderful feeling to have that weight lifted off your shoulders. Another very cliché saying: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FIT IN A BOX. Your sexuality can be extremely fluid, and only time will tell. So if you feel comfortable, experiment. If you see a pretty girl that you find attractive, say hello. You do not have to swear off a gender if you identify as straight or gay. You can love anyone. You are just anxious, probably about everything. Work on things to clear your mind, and place your sexuality and dating life lower on your priorities list. It will clear itself up, and I'm sure you will find someone you will love, regardless of who.
Hey, thanks for the support. I've actually told my best friend that I think I might like women when she came out to me as bi a few years back, but I've never had the courage to bring it up since. I'm really bad at talking about this kind of stuff to people I know. I didn't even like anyone until I was 19 and have always found it awkward talking about it. I'm a really private person. I really want to just bite the bullet and say something, but i don't want anyone else there, and there's nowhere to go!! Plus I'm not sure what to say. It feels weird to bring it up when the only one who can say how i feel is me...and I'm clueless!! I'm trying not to worry about my sexuality, and most of the time I really don't. But if a guy asks me out I'm happy for about a week, then either get really stressed and just want to get it over with then forget it, or get really upset and can't stop crying and just want it to go away. It's not anxiety exactly, but more a deep dread that makes me feel really sick. It really puts me off trying. Even if it was just very casual, no pressure, every time without fail it just takes over my life and just doesn't feel normal. And I have no experience with women to compare it to as I'm too scared to put myself in that situation. The whole thing is so stupid, because I'm okay with whatever orientation I am, I just can't figure out if i like or don't like ANYTHING. I definitely think about women, but i think about men too, and sometimes i really don't like women, and sometimes I really don't like men. I guess you're right about sexuality being fluid, although mine's a bit choppy at times. I've always been comfortable with how I feel. It's just recently I've realised how little I'm able to test the waters. I'm too painfully shy to experiment with women, but my experimentation with guys has been a pretty negative experience for whatever reason. Maybe it's nothing. But maybe I'm trying to be something I'm not. Or maybe I didn't even like the guys I've dated and I was just flattered, and when it wore off I just freaked out. My whole head is a mess of "what is wrong with me!!".
The best thing you can do at this stage is try to relax. I know it's hard and you end up obsessing over it but what you really have to do is try not to consciously check people out but to just try to see where your eyes wander. What about your fantasies? Which are the most powerful, thevones about women or men? Also, do not try to put a label on yourself at this point. It will only make you freak out more. Think of your sexuality as something unique-every person is different. Labels are there to help us, not put us in turmoil. Understand your feelings and the label will come naturally. It might be a little difficult to answer this question right now, but who can you more easily see yourself in a relationship with? A man or a woman? Would you rather a good-looking guy asks you out or an attractive woman? And there is always the option of experimenting, if you feel it will give you a good understanding of your sexual orientation.
I'm not really sure where my eyes wander. I don't very often find anyone attractive in real life until I've got to know them a little (that's attractive physically or otherwise). My fantasies...well, I don't very often fantasize about myself with anyone. But I do fantasize about being someone else with both guys and girls, but who I am is really variable; sometime I'm a guy, sometimes a girl. It's weird. It's like I'm hyper aware, and completely detached at the same time. I guess I consciously fantasize about guys more, but my fantasies about women are less intentional? I find it basically impossible to imagine myself in a relationship. I'm generally more comfortable around women and have a lot more female friends and feel a little threatened by guys, but sometimes it works the other way round. I guess it doesn't help that I'm a pretty solitary person as it is. My past experience with guys hasn't worked out too well, so I really can't see myself getting to the relationship stage with one. Even with my guy friends there's only one or two that I'm close with, and not nearly as close as my female friends, so I guess romantically I'd feel more likely to be in a relationship with a girl, but I don't know if that's for the right reasons... Also the only guy I've ever kissed didn't really do anything for me, but i really did like him at the time, which i felt a bit weird about. I didn't freak out about dating him until a few days after that. Is that normal? I mean, I was kind of just thinking about other stuff the whole time.
