1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

ocd and so freaking confused.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by dan89, Mar 2, 2014.

  1. dan89

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Right here goes my story, from as young as i could remember i was always attracted to females, then in my teens my sexuality was in full swing, it was powerful, i loved the female form, was very sexual from the age of 13, had been in 2 long term relationships and was very much in love with one of them, then at 17 i woke up with the thoughts repetedly saying i was gay, over and over again, i couldnt break free, the doc diagnosed me with schizophrenia which i now know it is ocd, the thing is i had no attraction to men atall, this lasted about 5-6months, then after that i had lost all attraction to anyone, male and female, i didnt think about sex or relationships, then i moved to thailand at 18, slept around quite abit and fell in love, even though at this point i was pretty much asexual, i never had any problem getting hard or performing etc, i just wasnt really into it, then a few years later the spike of the gay ocd came back, this time i had a weird attraction to guys faces, it wasnt their bodies, just faces and it wasnt pleasurable, i was in a mess for about half a year, couldnt sleep, eat or function, then this passed, i was back to having no attractions or sexual feelings atall, sex was always a chore, but still had no problem performing i just wasnt really into it, right now this is where i am, i have met this amazing girl, absolute perfection for me, we are best friends and are exactly the same, i loved her to pieces, we travelled the world together for six months then she went home to canada, now the ocd came back, this time it has been different, its been 3-4months now of absolute hell, it has turned sexual now, when ever i close my eyes images of gay sex is playing, i started using gay porn to check my responses, i have none what so ever, but this has become an obsession, im using it about 10 times aday, each time i masterbate but i cant get hard, im on meds now so the anxiety and everything is passing and im in a weird mindset that im gay and ok with it, im now trying to prove im gay, but the porn and looking at mens bodies online just do nothing for me, but im attracted to guys faces, and today was the 1st time i didnt mind the attraction, i feel nothing for females anymore but after watching the gay porn i always go to straight porn to finish the job, so to speak,

    Can someones orientation change so drasticlly, and is it possible i suppressed the attraction to men for all this time? im 25 now, and its not a case of not noticing the attraction before, i didnt have one, i have always been able to appreciate a good looking guy but thats it, ive slept in bed with guys, hell ive even had a 3some with another guy and never even thought about looking at him, when living in thailand i had quite a few massages from gay guys and never felt anything, why is this surfacing, ive got it into my head that im now gay, i think im ok with the fact, except the male form doesnt arrouse me, nothing does tbh, i just notice guys more now and not women, wtf!! im so confused, now i dont even know if i love my gf, the day before all this happened i was so much in love and looking forward to starting a new life with her in canada, but now when i think about it all, i havnt had that magnetic spark since i was 17

    ---------- Post added 2nd Mar 2014 at 05:54 PM ----------

    the thing i hate the most about all this is how much i miss my old attractions to females, i miss looking at a girl and just getting turned on by looking at her hands, and i miss loving all the imperfections of a womens body, now i just see nothing! and have done since that 1st spike at 17

    ---------- Post added 2nd Mar 2014 at 06:01 PM ----------

    can i have been in denial this whole time, like tbh i dont even think that many people would be too shocked if i was gay, ive always got on well with girls and have alot of friends that are girls, and because i hate football and living in a football fuelled society i have always hung around with my mates gfs when the footys on, i know thats steriotyping but w live in a steriotype world
     
  2. paris

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2013
    Messages:
    813
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Bohemia, CZ
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    It seems to me that the reason you notice guys more than women now is because you check your responses, the same reason why you use gay porn 10 times a day, imo. It sounds pretty much as what I read about HOCD.
     
  3. dan89

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    i know, but now it feels like i like the attractions since taking the meds, things havnt been right with my sexuality for many years as im 25 atm and been in an asexual state since i was 17

    ---------- Post added 2nd Mar 2014 at 07:05 PM ----------

    now i have an attraction its to guys, can this happen? its not that i didnt notice it, i generally didnt have one before
     
  4. dan89

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    my attractions to guys is getting stronger and stronger, help!