i have posted a couple times over the last 2 days about my OCD but im guna take a different approach this time, brief back ground, i was always attracted to females even since a child then when i wwas in my teens my sexuality was strong, i lusted over every women on tv, magazines, i was sexually active at a young age, the feelings i used to get just by looking at girls legs or even hands was amazing, dont get me started on boobs, then at 17 i woke up with the obsession im gay, this went on for sometime, complete depression it took over every waking second, my lust never returned, i went on to have a very sexual lifestyle, even though most of the time it felt like a chore, i was never truely into it, fell in love with a girl, then the OCD came back, started feeling attractions to guys, very slight mainly just faces, then it all went away, carried on living my life, and met another girl, fell in love she is perfect but now the obsession is back, this time it is different, its like im trying to prove im gay, and it feels like im beginning to accept it, the attraction i have to guys now feels genuine, it doest feel sexual as im on gay porn 10 times aday trying to masterbate, it doesnt really work though, i cant get an erection, but when i close my eyes i just have images of gay sex, when i see guys faces i used to get shots of anxiety but now im on meds the attraction seems ok, i dont mind it, infact its quite nice sometimes, as i havnt felt attraction for 7 years, the thing is ive been in many situations where even a guy in denial would have been turned on, massages from gay guys etc etc but i never was, im not in denial about being gay i think, it really does feel like i am and im accepting it but i have no sexual desire for men as of yet, im 25 years old and having had a sexual buzz in 7 years and have slept with over 100 women all im getting at is it possible for someones sexual orientation to change like this, from straight to asexual to gay? because i know i wasnt before, its not a case of me not knowing i generally wasnt, i never had any attraction to guys before this OCD spikes, never even thought about sex with a man, it used to gross me out abit, i used to think why would anyone be gay when women are so hot, does this make me bi sexual, confused, curious, straight but obsessing? still an asexual, watched so much gay porn over the last 2 months that ive messed my head up, still in denial, i just dont know, HELP, i need opions
If you have sexual attractions to both men and women then it appears that you could be bisexual with a preference towards women. I do not know what the OCD part means, being gay/bi is not an obsession. As you seem to have a preference towards women then gay porn may not be pleasurable to you, or you may not be ready for it yet. At first I did not enjoy porn, but when you are more comfortable with yourself you may like it more, or you may not.
oh sorry, i should have said, i have OCD about being gay, i always thought the obsession fuelled the attraction but im beginning to think its the other way round, the problem i have is that i dont really have any sexual attraction to females any more, ive also been on gay cam chat site but that doesnt do anything for me, when i watch gay porn all i see is 2 men having sex, nothing pleasurable to me atm, what do you mean not ready for it yet? im really not functioning i been in bed for 3 months, i just want to love my gf again and all my male mates to go back being bros, how can this happen at 25?? ---------- Post added 2nd Mar 2014 at 11:28 PM ---------- just reread that and sorry that came off as abit homophobic, that wasnt my intention, all i mean is i want things to go back to how they used to be
Sounds like you've got HOCD. I suffer from HOCD aswell. I suffer from anxiety and I think bucket all my worries into a you're gay basket. This is really annoying because it is something that I find hard to find out for sure so the worry remains. I have had it for years and it comes and goes away again depending on my general state of mind. Most recently it has been flaring up as I have been trying to change career and have been out of work. Can you relate the times when you suffer from HOCD to anything? Part of the problem I find with HOCD is that I put so much pressure on my sexuality. I think being gay would really bad and therefore become afraid and try to hide from the fear. If you accept that being gay is not actually that bad the HOCD does not have as much to grip onto. For example sometimes, if I look at a guy on the street for example and think SHIT you looked at him. You fancy him. You're gay. You should dump you're gf. You will have to come out. What will people say. What if I'm not actually gay. I find it useful to replace this thought process with so what?? I fancy him. Sometimes I joke in my head about it. If you take away the importance of your fear in your mind. The HOCD becomes less powerful. Sounds like you have some issues around intimacy mate and would be good to sort these out. E
thanx buddy, im on meds for my OCD and its made everything confusing, i actually am attracted to guys now but im really not sure if its because im so focused, im not in denial any more over the last few days ive accepted im gay, its a weird feeling, it really is, im sure of it but im yet to actually know, im only attracted to guys on tv, ive never been attracted to a guy in real life, and i check out hot guys etc on google images to see if i am, some times i feel i am others not so much, but ive never looked at a guys body and thought corr look at that, but i havnt done that with a women for years either, its so weird to be trying to prove something that i just dont know, i just hate this feeling of not knowing, im doing everything i can now to prove im gay, where as the other times its spiked its always been the other way round, prove im straight, its made things alot easier for anxiety etc except now the confusion is killing me, i hate being in this limbo duno what i am stage, i was something then i thought i was something now im something else, yes it seems to spike when im in a relationship and happy. not stressed or anything, after beeing on a waiting list to see a shrink for 3 months im finally seeing one in 2 weeks so thats a start, i suppose. cheers for your input bud
