1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Only attracted to femininity but not limited to females

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Soaring, Mar 2, 2014.

  1. Soaring

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2014
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Arkansas
    Gender:
    Female
    This I something I have noticed about myself that confuses me. Up until recently I have been identifying as pansexual but I'm starting to think that that term might no be the best to describe me.

    It is true that gender and sex do not matter to me, but I have found that there is one thing that does matter to me: gender expression. Although I have the capability to be attracted to anyone of any gender, I only seem to be able to develop attraction towards people who are feminine. I do not feel any attraction towards masculine people and although I can feel attraction towards androgynous or neutral people on occasion, I much prefer people who are feminine.

    This does not mean I am only attracted to females, though. In fact, my attraction to females is limited. I am not attracted to butches, tomboys, bois, or otherwise masculine females, and instead am only attracted to femmes, lipsticks, and other feminine females. The same goes for other genders. I am not attracted to masculine males, but I am attracted to feminine males. I am not attracted to people who identify as a non-binary gender and display masculinity, but I am attracted to non-binaries who display femininity.

    I looked this up to see if anyone else had similar experiences, and it seems that they do. I found two threads about this on asexuality.org here and here. (If it is not okay to link to other forums here, jut tell me and I will remove it. I did check the rules of asexuality.org and there was no rule against linking there, though.) Of course, being a forum about asexuality they were talking about romantic orientation rather than sexual orientation, but still.

    I suppose I could just continue to identify as pansexual with some odd specifications, but I am really starting to feel that the term doesn't fit me. The fact is, I am not attracted to any gender or sex, but rather just the femininity itself. I am oriented not towards specific genders, but a specific gender expression. I do not feel that I should define my orientation with a term that is used for distinguishing attraction between genders when gender plays no role in my orientation.

    I have also heard of the word gynesexual, and although I feel it would be closer to what I experience simply because gynesexual is defined as "attraction towards females and femininity," I still feel that it does not work for me because it implies that one is attracted only to females, and as I stated above, that is not the case for me.

    I am beginning to think that if there is not already a word for this, I may just call myself femmesexual. I like the sound of that and I also think it is a good word for being attracted to people who are feminine but not specifically female. Femmesexual seems to get the point across that you are attracted not to a specific gender, but to femininity. The poster of the second thread that I linked to also seemed to have the same idea. They have taken to using the term "femmeromantic" to describe themself and it seems that this orientation is actually being used to describe other people as well. If you google the word "femmesexual" there are several different results that show people using it to express the same idea.

    I just have a few questions. Do other people feel this way? Have you heard of any other (hopefully more common) terms to describe this? What do you think of the term femmesexual to represent someone who is attracted to feminine (but not necessarily female) people? Do you think I should just continue to identify as pansexual in spite of this?

    Thanks for taking the time to read this and sorry it was so long. I'm just a bit confused.
     
    #1 Soaring, Mar 2, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2014
  2. FancyGummy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2014
    Messages:
    357
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    MA, UNITED STATES, FURTHER DETAILS UNKNOWN
    Very neat that you mention this. Not exactly the same with me, though... I wouldn't be attracted to a guy wearing lipstick or something, but I certainly do like guys who are somewhat feminine. And while I wouldn't like a girl with a mustache or something (I've seen it) I do like girls who have short hair and/or are somewhat tomboyish. I think the word you came up with, femmesexual, works well... I guess I would be androsexual?
     
  3. paris

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2013
    Messages:
    813
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Bohemia, CZ
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You can try google gynesexual or gynephilic. :slight_smile:
     
  4. ComingOutInTO

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2014
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Oddly, an attraction to transgendered women was in a way my gateway into exploring sexual relationships with cisgendered men, and discovering than my sexuality is very fluid. It's to the point where i can find many types of people, regardless of their gender presentation and sexuality, as attractive, though their personality is now the critical factor.
     
  5. FireSmoke

    FireSmoke Guest

    Yeah. I think you're probably gynesexual.
     
  6. Bullet1020

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2014
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Francisco, California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Dude!!! We're the same!! I only like femme boys but not men men .. yeah I would say he's good looking but it won't make me drool .. but when it comes to femme boys or femme looking boys I tend to drool over them
     
  7. TigerInATophat

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2014
    Messages:
    847
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Buckinghamshire UK
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Same here. Although for me personally now that I'm getting older I'm finding myself being more attracted to women. I still find feminine men attractive but not as much as I did in my teens/early twenties. I don't know if this means my sexuality was simply more fluid in my teens or that I'm just understanding my attraction to women better now hormones calmed down. Or maybe it's just that I'm now being more realistic about what I actually am capable of doing with either gender. I never had sex with a male because I simply couldn't bring myself to do it and I convinced myself that I just had a very specific 'type' and when I met a man who was to my liking I would be able to enjoy sex with him. But even when I tried to fantasize about such men I always had to think of it from an outsider's point of view if that makes sense, like watching them have sex with someone else because I couldn't imagine myself from the female's perspective having sex with them.

    Now that I'm older it's really starting to dawn on me that no matter how ideal a man might be to my eyes (and also in regard to his personality), it wouldn't matter because as soon as something in his looks or behavior reminds me that he is male it immediately puts me off.

    One thing that has helped me is trying to imagine what a long-term relationship would be like with either gender, putting aside the sexual attraction element that was the main thing on my mind in previous years.
    Could I realistically see myself in a relationship with a woman long term? Yes absolutely.
    Could I do the same with a man,who identified as male? In all honesty no. Perhaps the physical differences wouldn't matter to me so much if he identified as female or genderqueer like myself but if he really did have specific male behaviors I can't see it working on any level other than friendship.

    This is just my specific situation of course, your sexuality is your own and will develop however it's meant to for you. :slight_smile:

    PS: Love the term femmesexual! Describes it well.
     
    #7 TigerInATophat, Mar 4, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2014
  8. Pret Allez

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    6,785
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I love feminine people of many genders. You're not alone!
     
  9. Claudette

    Claudette Guest

    Sorta sounds like me, While I am attracted to anyone who identifies as a female, or has feminine qualities, I haven't put out "butchier" women, but I can't see myself being with a manly sort of man, Manlier women will do but that might be from my submissive nature. so I stuck myself with Lesbian (Pansexually)... and I think it is a nice fit
    But I was a "man" sort of for 27 years... how they think and act kinda... disgusts me (no offense lol)