First things first. I am a 16 year old from a non English speaking country so please excuse the mistakes I'm bound to make. Now I will try to shorten this as much as I can, but I do tend to make anything I write excruciatingly long.. So I will dive right in: Up until a few weeks ago, I didn't even think about being attracted to a girl. It wasn't because I live in a homophobic enviorment, because I don't, I just simply never thought of it consciously. Sure now that I have started thinking about it I remember how I would think about kissing girls and how would it feel like, be like. The thing that started to get me thinking was the fact that I developed a really big, unhealthy cursh on a girl that is herself a lesbian. I kept finding myself thinking about kissing her, holding her, just being with her, but at the same time, more in an romantic way, not a sexual way (this may have something to do with the fact that I don't have any sexual experience other than kissing). And it scared me. It still scares me, because I never thought I could feel those things. Now comes the tricky part. I can't figure out if this, all of this, is, in fact, real. I keep thinking that maybe I feel like this because of my deep need of affection, of romance, that is not met, or because I would want to be with just this ONE girl and I am tricking myself into thinking I am bisexual just so I can have a shot with her in my mind(as in real life it is not possible), or because I simply need to feel different (I really don't mean to offend anyone, it's just one of my weird psychological needs, the need to be different), but the last one wouldn't explain why I am actually feeling the butterflies, the real butterflies I have felt many times before about boys. So my question after all is...Am I only now finding out something that has been a part of me my whole existence, a part that I have unconsciously burried deep down? Or is this just a matter of self-esteem and need of affection? I am sorry about the long-ish post and thank you for reading the problems of a very confused teenager
You are finally coming to terms with yourself the same happened to me when I first came to terms with my sexuality it was weird always attracted to guys never thought of being with a girl accept making out with friends then first girl I did anything sexual with I fell in love with and realized I liked her touching me way more than a guy
It just feels so weird, because the questions just started pouring all at once and I am really scared I won't be able to experience anything with a girl until I grow older, as in my city it's a bit hard to do it since there are no places where I could meet people like me. And I guess I am also wondering why I don't feel any sexual attraction to other girls, just that one girl, but then again, I don't feel it in guys either, only if I get to know their personality and actually like it. I'm just glad it's happened to someone else, so thank you for sharing
It could be, assuming that girl is a friend of your or someone you know from personal experience, that you are just attracted to her. Just because I am attracted to one guy with a beard doesn't mean that I find all men with beards attractive, you know? You could just be attracted to her as a person. Or even demisexuality, where you have to have some kind of emotional connection before feelings of attraction can exist.
I'm very attracted to her mind, her inteligence. That's what catches my eye in a person. And if the person is intelligent, witty, I'm automatically attracted to them, sexually too. So, I don't think it's demisexuality
What's happening to you is happening to me right now so I totally understand what you mean. I have a huge crush on a lesbian girl in one of my class and I don't know what to think about it. I also think about her in a romantic way, not really a sexual way. However I had 2 boyfriends but it never felt right, I didn't like to kiss them which doesn't seem the case with you since you said you felt butterflies with guys. You should try to watch lesbian movie (like "Loving Annabelle", "Imagine You&Me") just to see how you feel about it or just to look for information on the internet. In my case, I watched a couple of lesbian movies and when I see 2 women in love with each other it seems more right to me than one guy and one woman. I can't explain it, it just makes me feel something. Honestly, I think you should give a shot with that girl because it could really help you to answer your question. In my case I am planning on telling that girl that I might be gay (not telling her that I have a crush on her) just to talk about feelings with her. I am so confused too
I will certainly watch the movies, thank you for suggesting them! I hope all goes well with you and you figure it out
I did watch Room in Rome as one of my friends suggested it to me a while back and all I could think throughout the movie was how beautiful it was. The relationship, the way they touched each other, the way the unveiled themselves to one another and although I was sad at the end (no spoiler for those who want to watch it) I kept thinking how much I would want to at least try it. Maybe it was something about the intimacy of a hotel room in a city where you don't know anybody with a girl you just met or maybe it was the pure attraction and romance between the girls that made me wish for it, but I do believe I might be into girls more than I'd like to accept to myself. Thank you all for helping and if anyone has any other piece of advice or story relevant to mine I encourage you to share it as I certainly have a long way to go in finding everything out.
