Newbie - stressed over sexual identity

Hi all. I'll apologise in advance - this is going to be a long one!

So I'm a 26 year old female. Despite never having been involved with a girl sexually, I feel like I've known I was gay since I was 17.

It all started at college. I'd fallen in love when I was 16 with a guy who broke my heart. To this day I can still remember how it all felt. I was genuinely in love and devastated. Through school I'd been very into boys, but had been surrounded by gorgeous girls so tended not to have much luck! I remember connecting emotionally to my first few boyfriends but college is when things changed.

I remember feeling attracted to men, but being unable to connect emotionally. I slept with lots of guys, but remember wondering why I could no longer fall for people. I remember there being a lesbian tutor and she and her girl friend would often be seen together around college and I remember being quite jealous. This is when I started to notice other girls, particularly lesbian couples and started to feel weird when my friends would bring up lesbian in conversations. I hated college, probably for this reason! I didn't tell anyone how I felt.

I left college and started university, in the hope that a fresh start would erase this from my head. It didn't, but I continued to sleep with guys, but could not connect emotionally. I entered into a 2 year long relationship with a guy, but started to get depressed and totally went off sex. I cheated numerous times.

After university I went travelling. Before I went I met a guy and started what would turn out to be a 5 year relationship. Again, I remember thinking if I go to Australia this won't follow me there. I forgot about it for a while and met a guy out there who I sort of fell for. Cheated again. Came home and moved in with this guy. Became depressed and went off sex. We had a tv show here called skins and I remember watching a lesbian couple on there. Really turned me on. This ended in May last year. I spent last summer single and really happy. Met a few guys, all of which weren't here for long for one reason or another. Started to enjoy sex again but couldn't fall for any of them.

During one of these short term flings I remember started to feel really depressed. I hadn't told anyone how I felt and felt really trapped.

This is where things go odd!! So one night me and two of my friends are watching tv. Cher comes on and talks about her trans son. I get home that night and lay awake thinking about how / when I'm going to come out as gay. Just before I nod off I suddenly visualise myself as a guy?? Now I'm a fairly girly girl. I'm happy with my body and have never had any issues with wearing make up or heels or anything. I then meet a guy online and in currently I'm a relationship with him....I'm desperately unhappy. I spend the next few months in deep depression wondering am I trans??

The last few days I've stopped thinking about this and started really fantasising about girls. When this happens it's girl on girl and I'm happy. I'm wonder whether my heightened emotional state took my thoughts into 'what if....' With the whole trans thing. Because deep down I know I'm not. I know I'm a lesbian.... Despite This We have quite a good sex life. I have no problems climaxing but I am not emotionally connecting to him and have started fantasising about girls when we're having sex. I know something has to give. It's so hard though!

Thanks so much for reading this. I hope I haven't bored you to death! If anyone can relate if love to hear from you xx