I've tried hard, but somehow talking about my sexuality out loud with other people...I can't do it. It makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. Like, earlier today I was on the verge of coming out to a good friend of mine whom I trust a lot, and I would have no problem with him knowing. Like I said, I trust him. But in the end I chickened out, and instead of telling the truth I BS'd my way out of the conversation. Whenever I try to talk about it with my friend who already knows about it, I have a very hard time doing it. I can talk about my sexuality for a bit, but then it's hard for me to. Recently I told my dad that I was gay in the car and tried to do so in the most casual way...but I failed. His reaction was fine, he didn't say much but I just kind of made a bigger deal out of it then I should have. I tried to quickly change the subject but he tried to bring it back to that. So I'm not too good at casual, and in the end I feel really awkward about that whole situation. :S It's not that I'm really ashamed to be gay. Now that I've realized I am, I've kind of grown fond of the idea, in a way. In my head, I can say I'm gay anytime. But saying it out loud, especially to another person, it just makes me feel very uncomfortable. And I really want to change that. Any thoughts on this? Is this normal? Does this feeling wear off over time?
I totally understand what you're going through. When I tried to tell my friend, I felt a PHYSICAL blocking in my throat, like I couldn't say that I was g-a-y. In my head, I'm happy about it, and I love liking girls and all, but it is an uncomfortable topic. Mentioning it casually is the best way to go about it. If you can think of it like, 'it's just who I like' or that you're not different in any way, it might help. The first step is being comfortable with it yourself. If you have trouble telling people, you can go about it by text. It will fade with time, I believe. I can now make little references to my friend about girls I like, or jokes about it, and that makes me feel a whole lot happier about it. So if you make little backhand comments or jokes instead of having a deep discussion, you might slowly feel better. It'll take time, but I'm sure you'll get more comfortable! I know I'm still trying.
I definitely understand this. It was really difficult to say the word gay, like I was wrong or lying to myself. Then I went through a weird re-denial, now I've gotten to the point where I'm comfortable about it with myself, but it just never seems to be the right time to say it. Unfortunately I haven't gotten back to that stage. I think maybe we'll all eventually just feel like it's not a big issue.
I'm not sure what I am at all, and until I know, I don't think I'll be able to tell anyone. Perhaps if you get more involved with the gay community (in person), it will help you to be more comfortable with it. Hope you find happiness!
Thanks everyone. All of this has been very helpful. I'm sure I will become more comfortable saying it out loud to people as time moves on.
Right after my daughter told me she was bisexual she started crying with relief that she had said the words. We had a long talk about it at that time and she was so much happier knowing that there was nothing about her sexuality that would make me not love her or anything like that. For the next several weeks she only talked to me about it every now and then. She then told her father and the next day her grandmother. When the three people she is closest to had been told she just relaxed completely. We live in crazy, uber-conservative, anti-anything-different-than-"norm", backwoods Missouri so she is not shouting out to the gun-toting redneck neighbors with the "marriage=man+woman" bumper stickers (really) but she has told several of her friends and is quite comfortable with it now. Going from "how do I start this conversation" to the conversations that we now have has just been so natural for her over the past year. One recent conversation went something like this: "I wish I was old enough for a boyfriend because I would really like to have someone to cuddle up on the couch and watch movies with.... I wish I could find a goth with long white hair....KillNatalie on youtube dyed her hair (color of "can I dye my hair" of the day) and it is so pretty, she is so pretty, I wish I had a girlfriend like her....and I was just looking at this picture and this girls eyes were so ... did I show you that picture of the Emo boy? I mean he's Emo not Goth, but he's so cute...I have been thinking when I grow up I would really like to marry a woman because women are easier to understand than men..." LOL and that was all within one rambling five minute monologue. You will get there. Give yourself time to get past the opening up and telling people part. I am sure that is high anxiety enough to make anyone a bit reserved. Surround yourself with the people who accept, love, and support you. Don't waste your time on anyone that gives you crap. Good luck.
