Do you feel it's difficult to come out to yourself?

I accepted it with little denial, at the start i did but now i am fine with it and i like it ^^

 

Oh boy I had TONS of denial. I just wanted to be normal and average and straight so much so that I believed it for years.

Til I came out I never slept with girls. I used examples of the guys I slept with to be like "look how straight I am!" I worried that if i ever did sleep with a girl that I would like it too much. Alas, being bi made it easy for me to deny my orientation because I am attracted to guys so I didn't have to pretend too hard, but just enough to fool myself (if that makes sense). And my fear of making out/hooking up with girls was easy to disguise as closed-mindedness.

 

Coming out to yourself can be difficult, and it was for me, personally. For some people, there's both denial and acceptance to deal with, and I went through that process for two years. There was denial, when I refused to acknowledge it, or I told myself it was just a passing phase. And when I finally stopped denying it, there was a long period of me wanting to change it, that I could somehow become straight.

It really depends on the person, I think. It can be easy for some, a long process for others.

 

The hardest person to come out to is yourself, I absolutely believe that. It takes some people a long time and a lot of pain and heartache.

 

I never felt bad or icky about being gay, ive never wanted to be different - i even enjoyed looking at the other boys when i was younger but it wasnt until i was 22 that i actually gave it some serious thought, and properly admitted it to myself.

 

Yes, I'm in that stage myself right now. I haven't hooked with girls but I know I like girls, and yet I am still coming to terms with identifying myself as bi and there have been times when I just try to convince myself I'm straight. All of my friends who are gay say they've gone through the same thing as well. I know I'll fully accept it eventually but right now it's still hard to admit it to myself sometimes.

 

It was difficult for me. I denied it for 11 years. I knew in the back of my mind I was a lesbian, but I didn't want to believe it. Now that I'm out, I'm really starting to love and accept it and I'm mad at myself for not coming to terms with it sooner.

 

When I first realized I wasn't hetero I freaked out. My family was extremely homophobic and still is. I didn't feel comfortable being who I was and I was ashamed to be pansexual. I denied it for fear of my family hating me. I knew that I wasn't hetero since I was about twelve - young some people would say but I just knew - and it scared the life out of me. Until then I had only heard constant bashing towards LGBT so being put into circumstances like that can really affect how you feel about yourself and your sexuality. I hated who I was for a long time even though I supported anyone else who was part of the LGBT community I just couldn't support myself. Now I'm out and trust me I still feel ashamed of who I am sometimes - my family has been far from supportive - but I'm learning to love who I am.

It just depends on your circumstances growing up I suppose. One of my friends who is Bi had no problem coming out and she told me it was because her family was very supportive of LGBT and that her uncle was gay, while a different friend I have was very scared when he realized he was gay and didn't want to come out and denied he was gay - not because of his family - but because of his school and their feelings towards LGBT. I think it all depends on the people you surround yourself with that can negatively affect how you come out to yourself and how you may deny who you are.

I realize now that it was ridicules of me to deny myself in any situation though I can admit it was hard as hell to come out to myself, and depending on a persons circumstances it can be hard for them too.

 

Coming out to yourself is the biggest part in coming out at all. That's when you know for sure and when it hits you, it's life changing. I definitely didn't take it lightly. It is the hardest part.

 

It was no big deal for me. I've always been fairly idiosyncratic anyway, was raised to not give much of a rat's butt about what other people think, and spent a good decade of my childhood metaphorically flipping off most of my school and peer group (plus the staff) in one way or another.

Figuring out I was gay barely counted as a blip on the radar. I spent a lot more time coming to terms with the concept that I could have any interest in any kind of relationship (sexual or otherwise) with other human beings.

Todd

 

Me, personally, it was a great deal of difficulty of coming out to mysellf and accepting it. Being raised in a Catholic home definitely had something to do with it and my views toward homosexuality reflected that. And personal things and how I want others to perceive me influenced how difficult I would percieve it to be. I'm one of those people that, on the outiside, don't care what people think; however, it's totally the opposite internally. I would like to be viewed as this super awesome person that everyone views as their primary role model. Growing up, I knew that I wasn't normal and I didn't want anyone to see what isn't the norm. As a result, I masked myself, held my true colors in and gave people a false representation of who I truely am. Overall, depending on one's personality, I would say coming out to oneself can be extremely difficult xor extremely easy.

 

I'm still kind of in denial, i know i'm really not sexually attracted to guys, yet still i'm like, naahh, i'm straight.
I don't really know why, since i wasn't raised in a religious household or anything, i'm almost 22 now and until i recently found out one of my old high school classmates was gay, i never even thought that i also could not be straight. It just never occured to me that maby i wasn't straight, because all my life i thought i was...
Still kind of do...

 

Far out, yes. It's what has been screwing my mind over for the past year. I'm still not entirely sure, and am terrified whether I'm just making myself believe it.....or scared that I'm making myself believe that I'm making myself believe it! Aka horribly confused and probably halfway in denial
Gah.

 

I basically knew that I wasn't straight since somewhere in my 20's...
But tried to deny and even get rid of those thoughts/feelings at one point.
It wasn't until my mid 30's that I accepted/came out to myself.

(I'm only 'out' to myself, no plans (or wishes) to let anyone else know...)

 

I believed for a very long time that it was impossible to be straight and Christian. Since I knew I was a Christian I couldn't possibly be gay. It was an experimental phase of my life. That is what I kept telling myself. Then the phase stretched on for decades and it could not be called a phase any longer. I had to accept that I was at least bi'.

 

Denial is a deadly potion, my friend. I got so caught up in the lies I am too scared to reveal the truth. It happens, everyone has their own reason.

 

I used to be in TOTAL denial! but you realize you cant change it you can fake it but you cant change it accept it and love yourself for who you are!

 

For me it wasn't so much denial as total obviousness. I thought, at the most, I was a little bi but that even that was more to make things fun in the bedroom (no threesomes just dirty talk). I actually realized I am a lesbian because of an incredibly vivid dream which, when I w woke up, gave me my lightbulb moment. Three or four years later and I'm totally sure.

 

For me it is fear, I am terrified of the What If. I also hate that I can not get a solid answer about who I am and that is making it very difficult. The first week after I intentionally admit that I think I am questioning, I couldn't verbalize it, I couldn't it was one of the hardest things that I had to do was try to verbalize how I felt without crying.