I have been questioning about myself for so long so I've been looking online again for chats with women usually lesbians a lot of flirting has been going on and I feel extremely guilty and worried that I can't give up what I desire I know it's not like I'm sleeping with any of them but the thought to do so crosses my mind.While I live my life as a hetro I also have this "secret" that I've been desiring for far to long.When they want to meet up I make excuses due to the fact I have a family but they don't know and it ends up being me walking away from the guilt and I start questioning who I am.Does this make me lesbian? I don't get excited from my partner or men flirting with me at all but with women I do and ALOT I've never felt such strong attraction to anyone as much as one woman I've been talking to everything about her personality is perfect I know very cliche.Ive tried stopping this "addiction" when I do I feel so down angry and sad about life.I know it's wrong to continue this to my family and the women online that's why I've come to get some answers.If my life wasn't complicated I would jump AT&T he chance to peruse the woman I've been talking to but I know I have to walk away if I don't make a choice.There seems so much to lose but I do wonder about my life with a woman I feel that's what will make me feel content with myself.My question is ,Is this proof to myself I am a closeted lesbian? I've been completating coming out to my partner but I know it's going to be bad and I want to be sure.I need help in figuring this out? I don't want to mess with anyone's head it's bad enough I've done what I've done so I know the outcome will be not a good one. ---------- Post added 8th Mar 2014 at 12:01 PM ---------- At the not AT&T.
We are in the same boat my online sista, through out any relationship I have been in I always did things like/similar to what you are doing. I am learning not to feel guilty, this is what we are attracted to, no matter what we tell ourselves.
Yes you need to do what makes you happy if being with a woman makes you happy then do it life is too short to be miserable and have bad sex
Just to clarify, you mentioned a family and a partner so I'm assuming children and a spouse or otherwise long term relationship so that's how I'm going to approach my answer. I also, am attracted to women, and am also hetero married with three children. I've been where you are with the feelings of guilt and feeling like I just needed to rid myself of the "addiction". First it doesn't go away. If you are truly attracted to women than time, "quitting", and everything else may suppress it but it isn't going away. Second, you have to decide if you're going to stay married/with your partner abd family or if you're going to separate and start living your own life. There are, if course, other options, such as having side or an open relationship with your partner but those seem to end back at this decision point sooner or later. If you decide to stay with your partner than you should stop the flirting online, etc. It's not fair to your partner or to the women you're chatting with. I've been out to my husband for 3-4 years now and we're still together because we decided to make our family work until we were able to do things successfully apart (primarily financial motivation to stay together - he's been a full time student finishing his BA). If you decide to leave your current relationship there are obvious downsides of that as well... same as any couple. You just have to decide what is right for you but the important thing toremember is you don't have to decide right now. Take your time.
