This is probably the most confusing part for me. While I still have never found myself sexually attracted to a guy (or even a girl IRL for that matter), I get really emotionally worked up during hetero love stories. I can feel this way for gay love stories two, but gay girl love stories make me feel uncomfortable and they always have. I can't tell if the feelings I have for the guys are admiration or if I would actually want to be in a situation like that. Or maybe I just am putting myself into a hetero women's shoes? The guys are always the exact same once all little quirks are stripped away. Masculine, dominant, cold, and incredibly serious. I get the stomach churning, butterflies, and all that jazz as if it was happening IRL. Three years ago when I was thirteen I had my last crush on a guy. It was the same superficial giddy feelings, but once again there was never any physical attraction and I honestly had no interest in him beyond the "idea". On some level, the idea of this imaginary guy really appeals to me, but outside of my own fantasy world, I can NEVER see me being satisfied or even wanted to be satisfied in any kind of long-term relationship with a guy. Beyond that flirty tension, absolutely nothing appeals to me. I don't want to do cutesy stuff with a guy, or god forbid get it on with one. I feel like it's hard to distance myself from all of the fairy-tales I grew up loving and dreaming of, so it's hard for me to separate fantasy from reality. eg: Would I really enjoy it if any guy tried to make advances towards me? I can kind of imagine me in that blissful beginning of a relationship stage (minus kissing and beyond) with a guy, but if I bring sex into the equation I'm no thanks on it all. I have never gotten giddy over girls, fictional or otherwise. BUT, I can imagine me happily in a different kind of excessively close friendship with a girl, and the idea of sensual sex within it doesn't really turn me off of the former idea in any way. Am I making any sense here?? I'm kind of lonely and isolated in daily life, so I pretty much feed on fantasies. Kind of all blurring together for me.
Oh my god. First of all, this is almost exactly how I feel like. I was just discussing this with one of my guy friends, actually. It's sort of like I FEEL straight because of anime or novels, and I feel attracted to those imaginary characters, but in real life, it's not the same at all. I can recognize a good looking man, but I don't really long to be in a relationship with him. Then you present me a female in real life, and I want to have something special with them. I long for a strong bond and connection, and I even get crushes on the ones I find attractive. But then I feel indifferent on lesbian stories, they don't particularly turn me off, but they don't usually turn me on either. I'm so confused these days. v__v
Nice to hear that somebody else is in the same situation. I totally get that "long for a strong bond and connection" with certain girls I've known, but I can't tell if that's just longing for a close friendship or more.. I just feel like it's much different than I've seen straight girls I know just wanting to be somebody's good friend. I mean I've not felt the need for that connection with all of the people I've wanted to become better friends with, either. **Man, I wish I had reread my OP for grammar. Yikes!
Yeah sorta! Bump bump to see if anybody has more insight? I've been watching a lot of movies and shows lately to test this out and this is true EVERY TIME. The girls are kind of just there more often than not. IT'S CONFUSING ME SO MUCH. If I spend lots of time watching shows/movies over a short period of time, then I pretty much become convinced I'm straight, but from what I can tell, it just doesn't seem to be the same IRL.
