1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How to proceed?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Tayb24, Mar 8, 2014.

  1. Tayb24

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2013
    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Washington (state)
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Okay, so I think I need a little advice here. Basically, I met this gay girl on an online dating site, I messaged her, we talked for a few messages and I asked her to coffee, and we ended up meeting. I asked her before we met though if she was open to dating someone who was transgender and she had told me that she didn't know but that we could at least be friends for sure (my profile clearly states that I am trans btw). So, little disappointing, but she seemed really cool, so I wanted to meet her anyway. I basically took that as a nice way her saying no, she was not interested in dating someone transgender, but I'm not exactly sure.

    We met for coffee, had a good time, actually a lot better than I had anticipated, and then parted ways at the end of coffee. We talked a little bit more on the dating site and she ended up giving me her number. We have since hung out a ton, and we get along really really well, partly due to our sense of humor being essentially the same.

    I really like this girl, but I am unsure how she feels about me. There are some signs that she could like me though I feel. We will flirt with/tease each other a lot when we are together. I made mention of a few Tv shows and documentaries and she watched some of them very soon after and would kind of use that as an excuse to text me, and on one occasion she essentially just texted me to see how my day was going. One time after hanging out she immediately texted me after she left asking if she had forgotten anything, I told her she hadn't and she texted me back saying "K, thanks! Sorry :wink:". But I mean, I really don't know whether or not to put weight into a winky face in a text message or not, but I mean, we met on a dating site and she has to know that I at least am interested in her considering I messaged her and all.

    The last time we were hanging out we were watching this show called Bob's Burgers (her second favorite adult animated comedy) and in the episode one of the characters called the other boob punch and she laughed, reiterating how she loved the comedy of the show, and I told her that they had called the character square bear earlier and then she said that she should call me boob punch and I should call her square bear. Ok so boob punch isn't exactly a good nickname, but I thought that square bear was pretty cute, and she wanted me to call her that. Then she kinda randomly said how we should each tell each other facts (about ourselves).

    Basically those are some reasons I have for thinking she could be into me, but I could also be reading into things too much. But I mean, she HAS to know that I am interested in her though right? I mean we did meet on a dating site that I had messaged her on, where I expressed interest in dating her. I don't know if she told me that she didn't know if she would be open to dating a trans person because she was just trying to be nice when the answer was no, or if she just really didn't know at the time, and perhaps actually is open to it after meeting me.

    I have no confidence though. I've never been in a relationship before, I've never even been kissed before. It also doesn't help that I still don't pass quite frequently (though I also pass frequently as well, so it can kind of go either way when people gender me). Every time that I don't pass it just reminds me how I'd have to be stupid to think that any gay girl could possibly be attracted to me. I mean, I have a body part that disgusts them, as evidenced by the thread on here asking lesbians what they think about penis...surprise, they don't like it.

    I don't know what to do. I like this girl, and she might like me, but I don't have the confidence to try anything, mostly because of the above. There have been moments where I have so badly just wanted to wrap my arm around her and kiss her, she's so fucking cute. *Sigh*, any advice?
     
  2. BookDragon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2013
    Messages:
    4,605
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't know whether to be jealous of the fact that someone spoke to you, sympathetic because I know I'd have the same fears as you, or furious that you are sitting here trying to justify why you're not good enough for her!

    But seriously. You are right, she knows that you are interested, she can't possibly think otherwise, for all the reasons you mentioned.

    You've set yourself up with a potential painful, but otherwise excellent situation here. You asked her from the offset how she felt about dating someone who is trans, so she knows that you are still thinking about it. I think you should just ask her that same question again. You know she likes YOU as a person. Either she says yes in which case happy days, or she says no and you can look for someone else. You don't have to stop being friends.

    I have to tell myself this an awful lot, but even though it seems like it, your penis is not a romantic disability. You can't sit there and think that this person won't like you just because of that.

    If you have to, you can remind yourself that there are a hundred million reasons this girl could interact with a vagina and hate it.

    Remember, you're fucking cute too! She'd be mad to say no.
     
  3. pinklov3ly

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2012
    Messages:
    1,445
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Musty Mitten
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think it's safe for you to ask her if she's interested in you as more than a friend. Because I totally understand why you're concerned, although I do not believe that all lesbians feel the way you have mentioned solely based on a thread. I mean, I prefer women, but I am open minded to dating anyone; love is love no matter who its with.

    I think you should ask her sooner than later, that way you know where you stand with her. I can tell you're totally into this girl and I don't want to see you get hurt. So, whenever you and her decide to hang out again, tell her that you'd like to discuss a few things and go from there.
     
    #3 pinklov3ly, Mar 8, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2014
  4. Tayb24

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2013
    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Washington (state)
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yeah, I know, really I was just trying to vent a bit I guess as opposed to make a general statement about lesbians. And I agree, I think I will bring it up the next time I hang out with her.

    Thanks Ellia =), your words have been helpful.
     
  5. Tayb24

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2013
    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Washington (state)
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, I got the gumption to finally ask her if she had given any thought to whether or not she would date someone who was trans, and I got the "I feel like we are just friends" response.

    Disappointing, but good to know where I stand with her at least. Kinda just feel like that reinforces my negative self beliefs though, and I now feel really stupid. Least it's out of the way =/
     
  6. Tayb24

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2013
    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Washington (state)
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    BUT, I just realized that I am spending like the whole day tomorrow trapped in a car with a friend and can talk to her about what happened and feel a bit better.

    This rejection also frees me up to pursue another crush (who is pansexual and genderqueer, so my being trans isn't an issue), whom my friend I am spending the whole day with tomorrow knows.

    I feel a little better than I did an hour ago when I last posted, still stinging a bit, but since I remembered what I'm doing tomorrow I am actually a lot better and cautiously optimistic strangely enough!!