Empty Closets Coming Out Resources and a Safe Place to Chat
Welcome Forum Chat Room Resources News Members

Go Back   Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out > Support Area > Sexual and Romantic Orientation

Sexual and Romantic Orientation If you are unsure of your sexuality, post here for support and advice. If you have concerns about coming out, please use the Coming Out Advice forum.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12th Mar 2014, 09:45 AM   #1
Newbie
Regular Member
 

Gender: Female
Orientation: Questioning
Out Status: only one person knows
Age: 22
Posts: 6
Join Date: Aug 2013


sexual acts for me just another way to show friendship or am i bi?

Iím female, 19, and up until very recently, Iíve always identified as straight. Since i was little though, whenever iíve had a same sex best friend that i was really, really close to (which wasnít often), iíd want to do sexual things with her, but not actually be in a relationship. I never thought much about it at the time, because it seemed like such a small and natural thing, and also, I was ďlittleĒ then, and I figured I didnít really know what I was doing.

Now though, with my current best friend, I still want to do those things (mostly hand-holding and kissing, but I wouldnít mind going all the way). The thing is, I donít necessarily want to be in a real relationship with her. Like, Iíd be totally cool if she got a boyfriend while we were sexually active together, and if we did start doing those things, I wouldnít want our actual friendship to change.

We are super close and are planning to move in together, and the thing is, I feel like if I had my way, Iíd want us to always live together (weíve talked about it, and it seems she wants that too). We even talked about how weíd want our future husbands to move in with us so itíd be all four of us in a house, and so I really donít know whatís up with me and my feelings for her. I canít figure out if theyíre platonic or not. I see her as not just my best friend, but a life partner, except that I donít want to be in a real relationship (but I still want to hold hands etc.)

Iíve come out to another friend about all this (Iíll just call her Ri), and sheís been very accepting, but Iíve realized that when I talk about my best friend to Ri, I enjoy talking more about the friendship aspect of our relationship rather than how much Iím crushing on her (which is weird because when I have a crush on a guy, I canít stop blabbing about how much I like him and how big of a crush i have on him etc etc.)

At first I thought I could be bisexual, but Iím starting to wonder if maybe for some people, doing sexual things with someone theyíre really close to might just be another component of how they show their friendship? (I know some girls like to make out with their friends for fun, but Iíve never thought of myself as one of them.)

Could it be that for me, kissing and making out with an unusually close best friend is just be another way of showing my affection, much like hugging or cheek kissing? If anyone could shed some light on this, thatíd be really great!
secrets is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th Mar 2014, 11:43 AM   #2
The Calm Storm
Moderator
 
Chiroptera's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Bisexual
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: Brazil
Age: 22
Posts: 2,643
Join Date: Mar 2014


Re: sexual acts for me just another way to show friendship or am i bi?

Quote:
At first I thought I could be bisexual, but I’m starting to wonder if maybe for some people, doing sexual things with someone they’re really close to might just be another component of how they show their friendship? (I know some girls like to make out with their friends for fun, but I’ve never thought of myself as one of them.)
For me, i think these people are actually bisexual/gay, but they just don't label themselves this way.

Judging by what you said (and this is only my opinion), i think you may be at least bisexual. You do feel attracted sexually to your friend, right? Do you feel attracted to guys too?

For me, relationships are exactly this: Friendship with everything going a bit more personal, specially with physical contact. Peraphs what you want is an open relationship with her?

Again, this is only my opinion, im new to "this world" too, haha. So you may want to wait for another reply.

Good luck!
Chiroptera is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12th Mar 2014, 06:37 PM   #3
Member
Regular Member
 
Gender: female
Orientation: Bisexual
Posts: 94
Join Date: Mar 2014


Re: sexual acts for me just another way to show friendship or am i bi?

You have to realize MOST people who do sexual things with the same sex have just not come to terms with their sexuality so they say " it's just showing affection" etc because their in denial about liking the same sex you seem bisexual to me the way I see it it's not about sexuality it's about feelings what feels right and living in the moment if you feel attracted towards a female go with it and vise versa life is not set in stone and neither are labels go with what feels natural my thing is I dated around and hooked up with many people and I identify more with women though I can sleep with men and not be freaked out but my feelings and what feels natural are geared more toward women but I'm not going to say its entirely impossible to fall for a guy which is why I say both sexes in actuality i meet lots of people in life some do it for me others don't but regardless of gender I go with what I'm attracted too and leave the labels and reasons why at the door TIME sorts things out
sexwax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th Mar 2014, 07:07 PM   #4
Member
Regular Member
 
Clairity95's Avatar
 

Gender: Female
Orientation: Lesbian
Out Status: I was out but then I changed
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 52
Join Date: Feb 2014


Re: sexual acts for me just another way to show friendship or am i bi?

Your sexuality:
You can be sexually straight and romantically bi.

Basically any given human being can be ANY given combination of ANY one thing in each of the following categories:
1.) You can be romantic or aromantic
2.) Sexual or asexual.
3.) Hetero-romantic, homo-romantic, pan-romantic, aromantic etc.
4.) Heterosexual, homosexual, pansexual, asexual.

I myself am romantic, sexual, pan-romantic, and pansexual.
My roomie/non-sexual-life-partner is aromantic, asexual, aromantic, asexual.

Any combination is perfectly acceptable and it CAN change over time. I'm pansexual but I find that if I'm lusting after a guy I feel more straight and if it's a girl I feel more lesbian.

Your friendship:
There is no definition of what any friendship/relationship has to be. Two romantic asexuals will often get married. People have polyamorous and open relationships. People have serious and non-serious relationships. Humans are NOT naturally 100% monogamous creatures although society has led us to believe we're supposed to be.

---------- Post added 12th Mar 2014 at 08:11 PM ----------

To clarify: I do not claim to know or understand all forms of sexuality and I may have some things slightly wrong but I have done a lot of research and introspection regarding the topic and I feel like I have a decent understanding.
Clairity95 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th Mar 2014, 08:31 PM   #5
EC Addict
Full Member
 
newfish's Avatar
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Eh? sort of...
Age: 17
Posts: 573
Join Date: Sep 2013


Re: sexual acts for me just another way to show friendship or am i bi?

Also sort of in-betweens like demisexual and Gray-A. Not all of it, in fact most of it, is on more of a spectrum than a few set points.
newfish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th Mar 2014, 09:23 PM   #6
Member
Regular Member
 
Clairity95's Avatar
 

Gender: Female
Orientation: Lesbian
Out Status: I was out but then I changed
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 52
Join Date: Feb 2014


Re: sexual acts for me just another way to show friendship or am i bi?

Quote:
Originally Posted by newfish View Post
Also sort of in-betweens like demisexual and Gray-A. Not all of it, in fact most of it, is on more of a spectrum than a few set points.
This is true but it's complicated. If you're referring at all to anything I said I was trying to simplify things and definitely left a lot of terms out mostly because I'm not familiar with them all
Clairity95 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Psychological view on Homosexuality Jerr Chit Chat 23 1st Dec 2014 03:25 PM
Secular opposition to gay marriage Reptillian Current Events, World News, & LGBT News 47 19th Nov 2013 02:31 PM
Religion and safety Romandude General Support and Advice 6 8th Mar 2013 05:03 PM
Show Choir, Anybody? robertplace93 Entertainment and Media 8 29th Jul 2011 07:18 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:20 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright (c) 2004-2015, Empty Closets Community Services
The Empty Closets name and logo are registered trademarks of Empty Closets Community Services

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21