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I was told that I was bisexual/pansexual in denial?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Fallingdown7, Mar 12, 2014.

  1. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    So, I was told that I'm bisexual/pansexual (By several people, the label seems to change according to who I'm talking to) and not lesbian because I'm attracted to both cis women and trans*women.

    I know trans*women have male anatomy, but seeing it on them looks more...female to me? Like if I saw the same parts on a cis male I have no attraction to it whatsover. The most I feel for cis men is admiring their aesthetics like a painting, but I don't feel romantic/sexual interest. And I feel the same for trans*men regardless of their anatomy appearance as well.

    And a trans*woman who has completed SRS doesn't look physically different than a cis woman does to me. The only thing you can judge her as "male" would be her birth assignment or her XY chromosome, so it wouldn't be fair to refuse her just for that.

    So is this comment weird to you or does it have some truth in it? Am I really wrong for identifying as lesbian after all or am I just a lesbian that likes women of any body appearance?
     
  2. BookDragon

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    The next person you are 'bisexual' for finding trans women attractive needs slap round the head (I mean don't DO that, just think about it real hard :slight_smile:)

    Alternatively, offer them this explanation.

    Trans people are whatever gender they say they are, they aren't walking sets of genitalia. A trans women is NOT a "penis in a skirt", she is a woman. THEREFORE in your case:

    Lesbian = attracted to female identifying people
    Bisexual = attracted to both male and female identifying people
    Pansexual = as bisexual PLUS any other gender identity you can think of.

    It's not about what they have down their, it's about how they identify. YOU know that, they are the ones being...I won't say stupid, I'll go with 'badly informed', even though I really want to bash their heads together!
     
  3. rainmustfall

    rainmustfall Guest

    The chromosome idea is completely ridiculous, since there is actually a wide variety of chromosomal variance in sex chromosomes in all people. Also, anatomy has very little to do with gender, other than chemically affecting the brain through the hormones produced. Even then, the most important thing is mental perception internally. Basically people are people and their gender is for themselves to define, not what other people say. I would not worry about it.
     
  4. apostrophied

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    Whoever told you that should mind their own business. The fact that different people give you different labels shows just how little validity all these words have. You are what you are, and there is nothing "wrong" with identifying as a lesbian.

    At any rate, if we go by the assumption that a transwoman is a woman, I don't see why "lesbian" would be the wrong word. Wouldn't saying you are pan/bisexual because you like transwomen imply that a transwoman isn't really a "real" woman?
     
  5. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Thanks for the comments and I agree with you on the chromosome idea. For example, I know that women with CAIS (complete androgen insensitivity syndome) are read as cis women even though they have the XY chromosome. So I don't see why Transwomen get all the heat for that as if it were to define everything about them.
     
  6. Claudette

    Claudette Guest

    I am just like you ^^ and I have labeled myself as a Lesbian(pansexually), I am attracted to anyone who identifies as female, be it trans(any stage) or cis. Identifying males turn me off, and I see no interest in them.
    But don't let anyone shove a label down your throat ^^ go with what you like =)
     
  7. Ettina

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    Yeah, you're not bisexual if you like both cis and trans women.
     
  8. darklord

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    I don't think sexuality can be categorized solely based on identity either. Because otherwise a lesbian that is attracted to a trans man would be a bisexual, which I consider incorrect.

    Transsexual people are obviously "gray area", at least pre-operation, because there is conflict between physical sex and mental gender... I suppose the sexuality of the person who is attracted to a transsexual would depend on what exactly they are attracted to in that other person. Like, if a lesbian would be strongly attracted to a trans woman mainly for the sake of their male features they have (pre-op) then I'd be doubtful. However, if one is attracted to trans woman as a woman who just happens to have some "male features", that is another story.

    This whole "it depends on what you're attracted to in them" applies to the lesbian attraction toward trans men, too...
     
  9. BookDragon

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    A lesbian attracted to a trans man WOULD be bisexual.
     
  10. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I guess I can explain. I'm not attracted to transmen at all...because they're well, men. The genitalia doesn't change how they pass off as which is male. Even though they have female anatomy, it still isn't the same as sleeping with a woman. And I find only liking them for their parts to be disrespectful anyway....

    For me and transwomen, it would be the latter you brought up "if one is attracted to trans woman as a woman who just happens to have some "male features".

    I'm not after transwomen for the penis, considering I view the ones who have completed SRS the same in my attraction field. If they DO have a penis, I don't see it different than a cis woman with a strap-on. Since both situations involve a phallic object around their waist, but if they were to use it with women, It's a very gay act. Since they're women.

    I hate the idea of being penetrated by a penis though, so I know I wouldn't ever be happy in a cishetero relationship. I would talk to a transwoman about boundaries and what I'd be willing to do or not do.
     
  11. Claudette

    Claudette Guest

    Some, if not most transwomen hate to use the blasted thing. I know I do, I hate all aspects of it.
    The ones that don't hate it completely won't usually seeks srs. I mean I know financial and other factors affect this. but some transwomen don't feel the need to do srs, and like their member
     
  12. softsprite

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    I definitely think you can still identify as a lesbian--IN FACT, I think it's offensive to transgender people that others would force you to identify as pan just because you're more inclusive in your definition of what being a lesbian means to you. Because to me, a transwoman is a woman and a transguy is a guy--although I totally understand that some lesbians don't recognize pre-op transwomen as women (in a dating sense) or are uncomfortable with the penis, which is fine. And some gay men would never date transmen, which is also fine. And some straight people wouldn't date transpeople in general. Whatever. These are all reasons it's really really hard to be transgender in this world :frowning2:. But I think that you continuing to identify as a lesbian is actually really empowering to transwomen, especially those who also identify as lesbians and are met with hostility or dismissive attitudes in lesbian circles. So thanks for being you!
     
  13. Claudette

    Claudette Guest

    I've never looked at it from this point of view, it's quite inspiring
     
  14. Ettina

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    Well, I've heard of transmen being involved with lesbians before they come out as trans. To me, that's no different from a transman being involved with a straight man or a transwoman being involved with a straight woman. The fact that they got attracted to a trans person without knowing their gender identity, to me, is consistent with being attracted to the trans person's birth gender.

    Some of those relationships break up when the trans person comes out. Other relationships stay together, with the non-trans partner seeing the trans partner as an 'exception' to their usual orientation.
     
  15. BookDragon

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    If a trans person isn't out to anyone they get treated as their birth gender, and no amount of 'who I am inside' changes that, if you don't tell anyone they will treat you as your birth gender. In that case a lesbian who was in a relationship with an out-to-nobody trans man would be absolutely justified in saying they are 100% fully lesbian.

    The second that trans man comes out, that is gone and we have the situation you have above.

    Either they break up or they stay together.

    From the second the trans man says to their partner "I am a man", either the lesbian leaves the relationship or they rethink their orientation, because whether they like it or not they are attracted to a man. Sure at the moment a man who appears to be female but they are attracted to a man.

    The problem with saying that the trans man is an exception comes when someone asks why. Why is the man you're dating a acceptable when you aren't in any way attracted to men? "Oh, because they used to be a woman" or some variation.

    Which begs the question as to whether you are attracted to 'the person', in which case your label shouldn't matter that much, or the gender, in which case the person is likely to become a bother.