hey everybody.... seeking some advise... so, i'm Robin, i'm 22, male in closet. The thing is that i like boys i really do.. i knew it since i ws 14 or 15 but i always acted straight. none of my friends ever even in the slightest called me gay or somthin' 'coz i never do any of the homo stuff and all in front of 'em. I'm so precautious bout myself gettin' caught doin' somthin' gayish. I'm such a good actor that nobody in even their dream can think that i'm not straight. So the thing is, I've learnt to lie damn perfectly about girls. I know their type i know what to comment for what gal and all. all these years acting straight and commentin' and givin' my false reactions for girls I've developed u can say a reflex kind of thing. as soon as i watch any girl when my friends are around I lie it completely with all my heart and much better that my straight friends (i never like any of the girl till date) I've completely moulded myself in that fraud mask of straightness. there is no flaw in it. i'm just like so perfect doin' this act. i lie during gym, watchin' movies, walking, in class, at home, playin, even i comment on the gals that r in video games.. i mean WTF is wrong with me?? y i do all this lying??????? agggahhhhhh...... the thing which concerns me the most is that, i act so damn perfectly and i don't know how to break this mask of mine. I want to come out of the closet and tell my friends that how much i like boys and that how cute they are but i can't. I've lie about being straight soo much that i fell like if i come out of the closet ppl it will feel like they have been betrayed all these years. they will know that i was lying about it all on every damn single moment of life. they will know me and i fear that they will leave me. they will know that it was all lie all that eating together, all that swimming, all that doing boyish things, all those nightouts, all that hangouts, all those sleepin' together in same bed under same blanket; that it was nothing bt i a lie with them that they have been betrayed though i never mean anything out of it ever. they r my friends and i love them too much and i never want to loose them ever in my life, bt now i'm struck if i continue being straight i will always feel that i betrayed my friends by not telling that i'm into boys and if i come out they will automatically think that i cheated them. Recently i came out to my very close friend, he is much of a bro to me and we have kind of bromance between us and i told him that i like boys and i want to kiss them and i was really very nervous and scared..... and he replied "r u playin' truth and dare with someone?? i know u a$$h0le.... u r not gay!! hahaha nice prank though during exams bitch!!........" and i ws like soo shocked... i din't utter a single word after it i ws soo socked and nervous and i just went out of the room immediately. plz tell me somethin' some way to break it off.... and plz don't suggest that go have sex with someone or anythin'. i want to use my words not stupid actions to prove that i'm into boys. plz tell me a way that they will know that i like boys and they don't feel betrayed and i get to keep the friendships as well. and how to stop commentin' bout girls its like my reflex now it just come out of my mouth immediately .. please help me thnx....
Well, I am most certainly not going to suggest that you go have sex with some random person. That would be a terrible idea. Maybe rather than texting your friends you should sit down and talk to them in person. Explain that you really are gay, and that you have been trying to cover it up because you were worried about how they would react. They shouldn't feel betrayed; it's a natural reaction for some people to want to stick to what others see as "normal," rather than being seen as "different." Maybe talk about a guy you find attractive or something like that, something that will get the point across. As for not commenting on girls, that's not overly important. Just because you're gay doesn't mean that you're not allowed to talk about girls. If you notice an attractive feature about a girl, you're still allowed to comment. But if you're worried about falling back into the "straight mask," start to actively notice and comment on guys too. And don't lie about a girl; if you really don't think there's anything attractive about her, then bite your tongue if you need to and just don't make the comment. I hope this helps, feel free to message me if you want to talk more!
My advice: Eventually you're gonna just have to tell them. I know it sucks, and it's going to be even harder with the lies. If they are really your friends they will accept you anyways. Just tell them, you'll feel better having it off your chest. Also, even if they don't believe you don't let that hold you back. If you find a nice boy and you want to ask him out do so...eventually they won't be able to deny who you are ^^
This. I have started doing this. I played the mask game like you did but eventually accepted myself. If you just start commenting on hot guys with your friends they will start to notice. Personally, I bring up prime Brad Pitt all the time. Mmmmm As other people have said, you should also sit down with them and have a conversation about it. They won't feel cheated or betrayed, you will still be their friend. And if you are really are that concerned just remember you will be going to college soon and be forming a whole new group of friends and you won't have to put on the mask anymore. But seriously. It is a good idea to talk to them about it face to face. Real friends won't leave you or judge you. Good luck!
You should explain to them in person. Explain (and they'll probably understand if they are really your friends) how hard it is to be seen as a gay person in society (especially in India, baap re) and exactly why you've been pretending to be straight for so long. Don't bring it up as a joke. Tell them how it's just part of who you are and have always been. It won't feel like betrayal if you explain to them why you did it, and tell them you want to be completely straightforward and honest about it from now. Coming out, especially in the present situation in the country, is a hard choice, and I'm sure if they really are your friends they will respect you for taking the step. And you know that your sexuality doesn't DEFINE who you are, it's just a part of you. It's not your defining characteristic. All the good times you've spent with them aren't lies at all. It's just that you want to be completely honest with them as they are your friends. Explain this to them, explain what you're going through, and it should be fine. Good luck
