How do I handle being sexually fluid?

I relate 100%. Ever since I started really noticing the fact that I'm not straight, I have days where I'm into guys and days where I'm into girls, and lately I prefer girls. I think the most confusing thing is when I'm out in public and I see a hot guy and two minutes later I'll see a girl I'm attracted to, too. It changes from moment to moment. I've learned to just kinda think of it is as fun. I get sick of guys so at least I have the option to be with girls if I want to.

 

Is sexuality really fluid? i keep seeing things on here saying it's true. i don't understand it and find it impossible to be true. maybe i'm wrong. it's not something i understand.

 

@browneyedgirl you probably are right about this since you are personally going through it. i guess i keep learning new things everyday on EC. that's a good thing.

 

I'd have to agree with you browneyedgirl, that it sucks and it makes it difficult to have a relationship with either sex. And that is partially why I am currently single, although I am dating someone, but we're in the off position at the moment. I have more gay days than bisexual days and it's really frustrating because my feelings can switch off and on without warning.

Not only does it suck for me, but for the other person I'm currently seeing because they do not understand. Well, I think that he does, but at this point I think he's exhausted all of his options, which leaves the ball in my court.

All I can really say is that being honest with yourself and your partner is the best thing you can do. Perhaps, keeping a journal may prove to be beneficial, that way you can discover some sort of pattern in your fluidity.

I discovered that after three months of being with either sex, I start to miss being with the opposite sex. It's usually the companionship that I miss the most, that's why I really try to make time to hang out with my male/female friends. They unknowingly give me something that I need when I cannot get it from a romantic partner of the opposite sex.

I hope this helps some and I'm so glad that you're finally figuring everything out. It's not easy, so just take things one day at a time

 

This happens with me as well, having just recently figured out my sexuality. I think it's completely normal of bisexual or even, as you called it, sexually fluid people. It's nothing to be worried about, as long as you always end up back and connected with your boyfriend!

 

I kind of understand this too. It's different for me because it's not so much that my sexuality changes on its own as it is that once I develop a crush on someone of a certain gender I'll end up only noticing people of that gender. It takes a while to wear off, too, so I kind of end up having boy/girl/etc "phases" that are kind of annoying.

It's not as much of a problem for me, I guess, since it really seems to depend on who I actually like at the time.

My gender fluid sibling is sexually fluid, though, and from what they've told me I guess it's kind of complicated for them. Their fluidity is pretty strict because they're only attracted to the gender they are at the moment (basically I guess they're gay all the time). At one point they had a boyfriend but then things got kind of complicated because he was only attracted to them when they were female and they were only attracted to him when they were male. They're pretty convinced that the only way they'd be able to have a good relationship with someone is if the other person was also gender fluid and liked more than one gender. Or if they were in a polyamorous relationship. Otherwise they would have to have some serious communication and understanding with their partner.

 

Oh wow, pinklov3ly, it's about 3 months for me too! The idea of keeping a journal is terrific.

There are usually three elements in play during my fluctuations:

1. Desire: can be satisfied on my own without any need for cheating, or worked out with my partner and a mature open-minded friend if need be (though I doubt it will become necessary any time soon). I can go a long, long time without sex in general so it's not such a big deal to me as long as I don't let myself get depressed. Anything can be worked out between reasonable, consenting adults.
2. Social self: I can allow myself to maintain a certain sensual charge or low-risk flirtation in social situations as long as everyone involved knows I'm joking around since I'm taken (thus far I haven't led anyone on). Going out dancing is a good outlet for this sort of friendly/flirty interaction.
3. Identity: I can maintain contact with the LGBT community and continue to be out as bisexual to the people who matter. I can let my "gay self" dominate portions of my life without threatening my relationship. There are parts of my core self (my favorite parts, actually) that I associate with my lesbian self (since I once identified as such), and those don't have to go away just because I'm having straight sex. Pardon the stereotypes, but I can still listen to the Indigo Girls and handle power tools in my boxer shorts . Being in a straight relationship doesn't have to make me a straight girl. Since, well, I'm NOT. Bisexual invisibility and erasure contribute a great deal to our since of fragmentation, I'm afraid.