Hi so about a year ago I started to think I was gay but not sure. I thought it was ocd or anxiety making me worry so much about it because I do have a history with them. I've tried to accept that I'm bi and I don't have a problem with it but it won't stick. I'll get horny and wanna watch some gay porn so I do but instead of feeling grossed out like I did months now I don't feel anything. I'm not mad about or sad just no feelings. After I'm done I feel ok but I usually go back to obsessing about the next day or a few hours later. I've had dreams with bisexual themes nothing sexual just me telling people I was or other people saying they where. I still thinks it's anxiety or whatever a lot but I've heard thats denial. I just need help can anyone give me some?
Other than that you apparently have the desire to watch gay porn from time to time, why do you think you're gay? More specifically, the way you've written your description makes it sound like you weren't enjoying the gay porn initially and aren't even necessarily enjoying it now. So why watch it? Note that your taste in porn doesn't really have much to do with your orientation. So what about other things? If you masturbate without porn, just stimulating yourself with your imagination, what comes to mind? Men or women? Who do you find yourself checking out when you're out and about? Good looking guys, or good looking women? On a final note - Feeling anxiety is usually something I would associate with a negative thing. What is negative for you about being gay, if you were to turn out to be? Would it really matter if you were? Just some thoughts, Todd
You sir are a semi-sentient wad of compressed most likely spoiled meat. Not, but really(humor never hurt right?) I think you should experiment, see what you like as far as dating and romance, your inclination to porn has no bearing on your orientation, there are people out there that get off to some "weird" stuff (Taboo like weird, tentacles, bestiality etc) but it doesn't mean they wanna go out and do a pony ^^ I believe it's just more the act of watching a sexual act that gets people off, and how sensitive they are to it.
I rarely jack off without porn. I usually look at women but sometimes I try to see which Iike better. I would be hurt if I were gay no offense. I guess being gay has just viewed in bad way you know kids using gay negatively and what not.
I would venture off in saying that you are straight but curious. Just take a look back and look what information you have given us. I'll quote you and put some information below each one. Let's start, shall we? You've stated her that you feel inclined to watch gay porn. But even then, if you watch gay porn, chances are that you would feel something emotionally or what have you. I think I'm confused by what you mean by the fact that you don't feel anything. In any case, the fact that you do not feel anything while watching gay porn is probably indicative that you are not gay. By this, I assume that your eyes are more drawn toward women as oppose to guys. I mean, if you are gay, wouldn't you have more of a tendency to check out guys as opposed to women? I also see that you mentioned that you try to see which one that you like better. I have nothing to say to this but I mean the sentence right before says you eyes are drawn more toward women. Lastly but not least, I noticed you said you have a history of OCD so couldn't this be a case of OCD?
Yea it could be ocd but I'm not sure. I feel something when gay porn but after I don't. I used to be very angry and sad when I would climax bit now I have no emotions when I do. I should probably look into the ocd thing hut I have no way of doing so at this time.
It could be part of your OCD, but it's hard to say if you are gay. I haven't really heard enough. I agree with Randy. You might be straight and curious. It's one thing to think you would do something and another thing to actually act out your thoughts. You might have only romantic feelings for female and sexual feelings for both gender. So you could be hetero-romantic bisexual. I have OCD and get really obsessive about stuff. I think it's natural to question your sexuality. I think you have to ask yourself: "are you memorized when you see a guy that is hot/cute?" and "do you get urges to be romantic with a guy in person?" back to the OCD.... this could be intrusive thoughts i get them a lot, but your intrusive might be more along the line of "sexual thoughts- fear of" If your on meds for your OCD, i would ask for an increase and see if it does stop your obsessing thinking of homosexuality and compulsions you might have because of it. But right now seems more OCD, but it could be that you are homosexual. I hope it's okay to post this i didn't see anything in the rules that are against it. But this site explains OCD and the Obsessive side of it => The Different Types of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder | OCD-UK
I haven't gotten my mental problems checked out ever. This isn't the first sexual obsession I've had I also thought I was a pedophile for a little bit, I'm not tho. I've never dated before not because I didn't want just low confidence. I always think I'll look really weird with them no too confident with my appearance sometimes. I don't like force relationships cuz I never have if I like her I like her,simple.
souns like how I used to be. If OCD and Anxiety is in your life. That is most likely whats causing it. Being gay/BI means being attracted to the same sex. ATTRACTED, meaning when you see guys, it feels the same when you see an attractive girl. If it does not feel the same as it is for girls then its not attraction, buddy. Try not to minimalize your feelings and see what you like best. just think, when you see a guy does it feel the same as an attractive girl. If the answer is no your not attracted to guys. AGAIN, dont microscope your feelings, just cause u feel something when you look at a guy, it does not mean it is attraction at all. it is most likely the anxiety you are feeling. Buddy, I went through this same thing. Feeling something and worrying it was attraction. One day someone said to me "does it feel the same as when you see an attractive girl?" and I realized no, it did not feel like that at all then all my questions were answered. Buddy, its anxiety. I dont feel antything when looking at a guy now, why? because it was anxiety and not attraction. once i realized the differences in the feelings all my anxiety went away when seeing a guy. therefore the "feeling" I got when seeing a guy stopped because it was anxiety. and now its clear in my head again. after all I have been straight for 20 years and never questioned. extremely rare to have it come out now if there were never any feelings being suppressed. BUT, i do not know you, I do not know how you think or feel. I am not one to tell you your sexuality. That is your decision. maybe you are curious, or maybe you are bi. Its how YOU FEEL, not how you think you should feel.
Here is a full story on me so you can understand the situation better. Warning it's long. i'd like to post here one last time and put all of this behind me. sadly i know it won't be so easy because i keep running everything i've ever read on this forum and on others through my day to day. most days, as of late, have been very good for me and i almost never think about my sexuality. i'm pretty sure i like girls. guys not so sure. i'm a guy by the way. i was on a lgtbq forum and i posted and some commented that i must at least be bisexual and i tried it on for the day and it didn't feel like me at all. i would try on gay but i'm afraid of the results. i worry that if i don't comment on a girl in a sexual way then i'm gay. like if i only say "her hair is really nice" then i'm gay. girls can find other girls attractive and that scares cuz if i'm gay wouldn't work the same way? i also kinda like the smell of my balls and i heard gay man like the smell of balls too so that worries me. someone recently told my core problem isn't sexual but mental. he said i probably have ocd or something like that. i agree with him because i've believed the same since december 2012. no there way for me to get help for this at the present time. i'm gonna post something really long that lets you in on the whole story. please don't let this long post turn you away i really need the help. i'd like people of sexuality to comment and help me figure this out a little bit more. thank you. here comes the long post. hi im mark im 16 and i think i maybe gay or bi or have some ocd or something. ok lets start, ive liked girls since i was 3 at least i know definitely by the time i was 5 cuz i had a crush on this girl in kindergarten. i think i may have ocd because i have a history with anxiety. in the 4th grade i started pulling my hair a lot just because i couldnt stop it was fun really. in the 6th grade(2008) i found about 2012 threw the history channel and i was worried about that quite a bit not too much to bother my life just a little. i was pretty done with fears and phobia and obssesions and all that stuff until the 9th grade when i watching the OWN channel about a little that had schizophrenia and started to think i had it too. during that same school year i also started to think i had tapeworms which caused me to become a vegetarian which i still am today.the schizophrenia fear pretty much killed my whole summer of 2012, it was all i thought about plus my parents where going threw stuff so that was a hard summer. then in the 10th grade( im in 11th now) i started being homeschooled by my choice which was a huge mistake. i draw its what i wanna do for a career someday so i started talking to a artist that works in the animation industry over gmail chat and we would chat all the time about different things. one day i asked him " why is your blog called devil in my head?" which he explained and i dont feel like going into detail about that. then he started telling about all this spiritual stuff like astral projection and what not that night i was terrified to sleep cuz i thought i might astral projection. around the same time i found about slenderman the internet meme and i thought it was real so i didnt sleep for 3 three days cuz i thought slenderman was gonna come for me. he told me about different secret societies like the illumanti or whatever and i started to get scared i thought they were watching me. i didnt be in the animation industry anymore cuz ive heard they're in that too and i didnt want to be a part of it at all. i started to worry and wonder if god was real or not so i would spend hours researching on the subject. i also started to think i was reincarnated i felt like **** i thought my parents reallly my parents and im not really me. keep in mind i was depressed and in isolation threw all this because im homeschooled i dont get out much if at all. while i going threw all this i meet this girl at one my friends house who at first i didnt really like and thought was kinda annoying to be honest but she grew on me. this was back in by the way before i started questioning my sexuality. she would touch me and i would get a boner instantly no problem, she was the first who i felt like i loved. like i would have married her really. then in late april about 25 i think i found some horrible news. i was talking with a friend of mine on facebook and i said( ill change her name to protect her identity) "its weird how we all like jane" he then said " i dont really like her i just play around with her" after that he said "you she has a boyfriend right?" and i was like "what no you have to be kidding me why would she do all this stuff with me then?" my whole was broken i was finally happy with my life again. i had friends who i cared about and i girl i loved but i guess not. my whole body was trembling when he started telling me about it. i felt lied to i thought she cared i was so hurt. then after that in sometime in may i started watching gay porn for whatever reason. i liked it but i wasn't sure if i was straight watching it. then has happened to me three times i think no i think it was two anyway. one day in the summer i think it was 2012 girls just didn't look attractive for some reason so downloaded a bunch of pictures of this female celebrity i liked to see if still liked girls it didn't work but so i stopped worrying about it and i was back to normal after after that. in November i was looking for pictures to draw and found this one pic of two male cartoon characters sucking ****, these characters where animals and the pic wasn't that sexual but i still thought i still thought i was gay because of it. anyway i found about hocd may of this year ans started to do research on it and it seemed to fit. i worried about this the whole summer of this year and i haven't stopped yet. i keep looking to my past to see if i didn't anything gay. if i looked a guy in a sexual or secretly liked a friend, how i felt while watching porn. so may questions that never got answered. then in august 28 i joined a lgbtq forum to see if i was really gay or not. i massaged people all the time on there and started to think i was really gay or at least bi. i didn't turned on by the thought of gay sex until i joined that forum. those types of thoughts weren't even in my head back then. i has since been banned from that forum i guess cuz i messaging so many people all the time. i got on another ocd forum recently and posted there. a bisexual man man was helping in the forum then he messaged me about all things we would if he met me. when i read it i was like "the ****?" i didn't even finish it. then i read it again and i kinda liked it i guess so i went to jacked off so some gay porn and felt nothing. nothing good nothing bad just nothing. everytime i jacked off now i feel nothing really. i used to feel gross now its nothing.recently i have been sexting a female friend of mine about stuff and she sent me things which i like a lot. my heart started beating outta my chest based on what i saw and read. im getting closer to the end of my rope and really need help any help from anyone. This was written some months ago btw.
I don't really know, because I am not gay, but I have thought about it this way: - if you fall in love with women from an early age and - you think with a woman it feels "just right" and it's weird with a guy and - you look more at girls (sexually) then you are probably straight. Don't worry however if something is a little different! Everyone can be a little bisexual but you don't need to act on it if you don't want. So I think someone who is gay would feel the opposite: - Falls in love with guys and feels the urge to be close with them - They think with a woman it's normal but not special and with a guy it feels like a straight guy would feel with a woman - They look more at guys (sexually) Again, has been said before, porn doesn't say much. Probably it's just the thing by itself that stimulates you and not the gender. You said that you really liked that girl "Jane"? And also from age 3 you started looking at girls, and at 5 you had your first crush on a girl? (i had exactly the same)Then you are most likely straight. Back to Jane, I know, some thing can be very painful, and the worst thing is that someone was lying to you all the time. I know I was in love with a girl too when I was 14. When someone asked her on the beach, where we were with the whole class, who she liked the most, I was hoping that she said my name, but instead she called 5 other names... However, last year I got into contact with a girl and she liked me too. Everything went so easy! So don't worry, everything is going to be fine with you. Somewhere there is a girl that perfectly suits you.
Porn is not an indication, I guarantee you that about 95% of straight guys have watched gay porn before. not even kidding dude. dont worry, it does not make you gay. So get that gay porn means you gay out of your head. idc at all what you say. SECOND, get a therapist who specializes in OCD. I have one. your constantly feeding into your obsession by talking to others about it reassuring your straight. If you just stopped seeking reassurance for one week, your anxiety will be down tremendously. do it in increments tho. allow yourself to reassure yourself about 2 times a day, for 3 days, then after that 1 time a day for the next 6 days, then after that 1 time a week. and after that u should be fine. YOU NEED TO STOP SEEKING REASSURANCE. you do seem to have ocd tendencies. BTW, not to scare you. listen to me, HOCD is not real. BUT WAIT, do not worry, obsessing about your sexuality is real and is very very common amongst ppl with ocd. for no apparent reason too. Like what happened with me. HOCD, is defined by having homosexual thoughts and attractions that ones believes is not real. If you have homosexual thoughts and attractions then yes you are gay or bi. The thing is, so many people like yourself think they have HOCD, when really they do not. they just think its ocd because they see "fear of homosexuality" and automaticaly pin themselves with hocd. so no, you do not have hocd, you are obsessing about your sexuality. Totally normal amongst the ocd community. go and ask any ocd person and guarantee you, they will say that was an obsession of theirs. so your obsessing about your sexuality dude. dont worry your fine. and honestly if you ask me, i think you are straight. your a horny male, so anything sexual will just get you going as well. PLEASE STOP SEEKING REASSURANCE IN ANY FORUM AND DO NOT MESSAGE PEOPLE FOR REASSURANCE. it only takes a few day of not giving into the ocd and not doing rituals to stop the obsessive thought. honestly dude. PLUS, stop watching porn please. i once used to message everyone and post on this forum constantly. I then realized with the help of other members that this reassurance was no help. I got myself a new therapist, and everything is back to normal now. please stop seeking reassurance and go get a therapist please please please please please. FYI, I read your story. bad idea to look for pictures of girls and see if your aroused some days we just dont have a sex drive or arousal at all, therefore u wont be interested all day every day. anxiety/depression also kills sexual response. BTW, just for info anxiety can, and will create erections if you sit there and go "omg what if i get an erection". you will most likely get one because u are thinking about and worrying about getting one.
