Wow... I am not sure if this is the stupidest thing I have ever heard someone tell me or just respectfully one person’s own incorrect observation and opinion. I have been posting more and more on here about my need to be loved by a man and my desires for sex with a man. The struggle between the two and confusion of there connecting lines. For me, it’s a real issue I want to understand and make sure I don’t mess up. So I posts. I read replies. I learn and try to grow. Basically what that comes down to. I do want to have sex with a man. No question about that and yes, I want sex from an older man. Someone older than me because that is who I am physically and sexually attracted to. At the same time, I want to be loved by a man. An older man. Someone who will hold my hand when we’re out together. Someone who will hold me in his arms when we are together. And someone who will cuddle with me. All because he loves me. No perfect anything just loved by a man. Well, I shared this with someone in my personal life who knows I am bi and got this really bothersome response from them. They made several points on this matter to try and prove their point. Here’s what they told me. 1.- You are not gay or bisexual. You are straight all the way. You love women and that is obvious. You have been married to a woman so you love women. 2.- You don’t really want sex from a guy. You are just really horny and haven’t gotten laid in a long time. You are only seeking sex with a guy because guy’s are easier to get in bed with than women are. If you could have sex with a woman you would. 3.- You are so desperate to be loved by someone, you’ll take love from anyone who offers it to you even if it’s from a guy and isn’t real. Your ex ( my wife ) threw you away and doesn’t love you. You family never has loved you. Only hurt you. Your friends, you are not sure really care or love you half the time or more. You have the need to be loved so bad and will except it from anyone under any conditions. Wow! I was so caught off guard by this response that I had to get back up off the floor from where I fell down to. My first thought was this person is a true blue judgmental idiot who has no clue to who I am at all. What an ass swipe of a person. Then I realize that they aren’t being stupid intentionally, but more so giving me their point of view as they see it. This is what they actually believe about me and not intended to be insulting. I had to walk away from this person before I told them to go F’ themselves. So that was that. I am not sure how I will handle them again in the future, if ever I should see them again. I want to make my own points here in my view of myself if no one minds. 1.- Yes, I am bi or gay. I am starting to really think I might be gay and not bi. I do love women, but I feel alot more open and willing to be with a man. Yes, I did marry a woman and not a man. But I also once owned a Toyota truck and basset hound. I now drive a different make and model of a car and have different breed of dog. Am I limited to my first choices in life only? 2.- Yes, I want sex with a man. Let me make sure I made this very clear. [ I WANT SEX WITH A MAN! ] Yes, I am horny and need to get laid. Why should I lie about that part. I miss having sex and never had sex with a man before. If I had the chance to get laid by a man or women of my comforts, I wouldn’t think about it, I would bleep the man in a heart beat and ignore the woman. Men are not easier to get into bed, but for me, they are more sexually ‘Hell Yes’ in bed than women are. 3. - I do agree. I do feel very unloved most of the time and want someone to love me. I have been rejected by those closes to me and it does hurt alot. I want to feel loved by someone again. But, why a man and not a woman? Simple, because bi or gay, I sure ain’t straight. I can’t explain it. I just want to be held and loved by a man more than I do by a woman. It’s just makes me feel I am loved. Am I desperate to be loved? Yes, I am. That part they got perfectly right. Desperate enough to be with a man? No. Desires, not desperation to be with a man. I am not sure if this kind of responses from people are normal to get about sexuality or if this person was trying to make me believe I am straight for whatever reason or view points. But, in the end, I still want love and sex from a man more than a woman so whatever their point was, it did not change who I am. So... That’s what happen to me today. Ugh....:eusa_doh::eusa_doh::eusa_doh:
Hm. Assuming you haven't left out a major chunk of the discussion, the only thing this person really demonstrated is their mastery of the declarative sentence. It sounds to me like they: a) Have some rather ignorant ideas about what it means to be gay or bi (incidentally if you were bi, you would be perfectly capable of loving women - but also perfectly capable of loving men. Kind of the basic definition of being bi, although different people may be attracted more to one gender or the other in practice). AND b) Find the idea of two men having sex very uncomfortable and went heavily into denial mode when you suddenly forced them to confront that mental picture. Regardless, that would be their problem, not yours. Regardless, who you find attractive and want to have sex with is your business, not theirs. They apparently provided not a single actual shred of valid supporting evidence for their position (assuming we are hugely generous and presume that any such supporting evidence can even exist) and therefore their opinion is not worth the air it displaced as they spoke it. I wouldn't let it bother you and would simply move on with the more productive and pleasant business of arranging your life and circumstances such that you get to have the type of experience with a hot older guy (and yeah, I'm into em too, both on general principles and my partner is 13yrs older than me ) that you are looking forward to. My 2c worth, Todd
@AKTodd, The conversation started over general life stuff. Not really anything to do with me or sexuality. It just turned to the boyfriend I have and how I felt about him. Next thing I knew, this is where the conversation went to. I think I was just so caught off guard that I got my feathers fluster by what this person said. Shock than just need to calm down. I think you are also right. This person may find the image of two men together and having sex as something they can’t handle and this was their way of finding comfort in rejecting such things. Good point I never thought of. I have to admit, I do believe I am in love with my boyfriend and him being older is a huge sexual turn on for me. But there is a concern I have about him that I have not brought up because I don’t want to discover that there is a crack in our relationship. He has a bad history of relationship break ups with past men. All he claims where their fault. Never his. This doesn’t sound truthful to me at all and makes me wonder if he has an issue that will eventually break us up too. I do love him and very much attracted to him so my feathers getting fluster may be just me having a protective reaction over my relationship with him. Yes, older men are so hot and sexy. No question about that. You lucky man to have a guy 13 years older. Enjoy him and my best to you. Thanks again.
Reading this post, this is what stood out in my mind: My 2 cent analysis is this dude is either some homophobic neanderthal who thinks being with a woman who was previously with a closeted gay guy makes him appear to be in the same situation, and he has to really make the differences obvious. Or he actually has some secret questioning of himself going on and is afraid she's got a eye for picking those guys out of a crowd. In either scenario, the content of his email could be made worse by alcohol or other similar factors. Either way he's probably her problem not yours, right? I'd try to just move on and not bother replying...
I had the same fear with my boyfriend. He had 3 relationships in the past, he was alwas the one deciding to break up and apparently it was always their fault. So I asked him (and you might do that too): "What was your fault in the relationship?". He said: "I just chose the wrong people". And that's true, he used to have an incredibly low self-esteem and chose for himself people with LOADS of issues, with the conviction he would've changed them (or saved them). After the third time he realized that, he went through therapy, understood all this and worked on his self-esteem. Personally, I think that in a break-up both parties always have some fault. And it's important to reflect about it.
