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my friend thinks im gay

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Pinky, Mar 16, 2014.

  1. Pinky

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    I've told my friend everything about my liking for girls and I never realized how gay I sounded unless I said it out loud...I just sound even more gay than I thought I was since I said it out loud.

    I've had gay dreams a few times and I was denying my sexuality to her. She then said "If you keep denying it your shadow will appear when you go to sleep and dream." Of course I kept denying it...I'm starting to think I might to bisexual. For some reason she keeps generalize me as gay but I'm pretty sure she means bisexual? I definitely like guys. That is for sure. The reason I'm confused is cus my liking for girls goes up and down. I keep telling myself it is a phase but my friend keeps saying at the age of 20 it can't be a phase you would know for sure what you like at this age.

    What she said about the shadow became true...I've been having gay dreams a lot lately. She says I probably have a shadow because I don't really think about sexual things ever. It is surpressed within me so they show up in my dreams. She said she never gets sexual dreams because she thinks about sex often. It is true I'm not a sexual person. I don't think about that stuff. The thought of private parts aren't really appealing to me. That is another reason as to why I have a hard time knowing if I'm bisexual. I've had sex with a guy. I only ever really think sexually about people is when I love them...

    Do you think my friends assumptions are true?...
     
  2. IG88

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    Our brains' white matter isn't at its peak potential until our forties, so I can see that phases aren't restricted to teens. And of course your going to dream about your shadow if you keep thinking throughout the day that you might dream about it...it's a self-fulfilling thought. You sound like you're straight.
     
  3. Alexandra18

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    as far as i know, straight girls can have sexual dreams about girls too, this doesn't mean you're gay. But do you really like girls? Like, do you keep staring at a girl if you think she's cute? Or is it just the dreams?
     
  4. TJ

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    Sexuality is somewhat fluid, especially at our young age. You can see general trends, but one day you might just feel a strong desire for women. Don't sweat it.

    Dreams are not indicative of sexuality, so don't pay them much mind.

    It is definitely possible to not know your sexuality at age 20.

    Don't let your friend worry you. YOU know yourself better than she does.
    If you really want to figure out whether you're attracted to women too, don't ignore the possibility that you could be bisexual. Keep dating men, but don't close out the possibility of dating/having sex with a woman. As time goes on, you'll be able to analyze how you feel and how you've felt about dating/having sex with women.

    Pay attention to where your eyes go in public. Do you stare at cute girls, only cute guys, both?
     
  5. Pinky

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    I stare at both but lately I've been staring at girls most of the time because I think they are cute...I haven't been having dreams lately.

    ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2014 at 11:29 PM ----------

    My eyes go to girls more lately...but I do stare at both. I've had crushes on girls only as of now.
     
  6. Soaring

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    Sexuality is fluid, so don't worry so much about the changes. Labels only exist to describe what we experience. No matter what label you use, it's not going to change how you feel, so don't worry too much about trying to fit into any specific category perfectly.

    I would just echo some of the same advice others have given. Pay attention to the people you notice. If you notice someone that you find attractive, take a mental note of their gender and try to figure out whether you are only paying attention to guys, only paying attention to girls, or if you notice both (whether it's equal or you notice one more than the other). I wouldn't immediately draw conclusions from this, though. You might want to do this over an extended period of time.

    Since sexuality is fluid, that doesn't always get completely accurate results. It may just be that you were feeling particularly attracted to girls that day but the next day you might only notice guys, and then after that you might go back to noticing them both. What I've found works best is to just honestly ask yourself whether or not you find each gender attractive. If the answer is yes for both genders, chances are you're bi. It could be just a phase, but the only way you can find out is by admitting to yourself that yes, you are attracted to girls, and then trying to figure out if that feeling stays with you.

    If it does end up being just a phase then it's nothing to be ashamed of. Many people go through changes in their sexuality and it's not like you can control it.