Over the last four years I have been questioning my sexual orientation. Time and again my instincts tell me that I am gay because I have had shown romantic interest in some of my male friends in the past. I also feel that my romantic attraction is stronger than the sexual part of it. To add that I haven't been in any kind of a relationship as yet and that sort of complicates my situation. I am not very keen on acting out a typical top/bottom/versatile relationship and that also makes me wonder if I am asexual to a certain extent. However I have certain strong fetishes relating to the male body. I come from a very conservative country and personally I get very cautious in dealing with people. Please help me and suggest a way out..
I have the same question. I have one friend that I really care for (but he's straight), and this other guy I don't know very well at all but I'm in leminence with him. I've also had girlfriends in the past, but we've never went past making out. And now I've been trying to get a girlfriend, but none of them are interested, which makes me worry that I'm giving off some gay vibe or that I'm sabotaging myself. So the question is, do you like girls? Since you live in a conservative country I would try to get a girlfriend, if that doesn't work keep trying with other girls of different types, and if it's absolutely wrong then that points you towards being either gay or asexual by elimination. Also, in a conservative area you need to be cautious of discriminatory practices because the law could protect people of disabilities, sex, age, but if it doesn't list sexual orientation then your employer/gov could legally discriminate against you. Not only that, but if you choose to experiment with the same sex, be wary of how harsh the laws are if you get caught, i.e. sodomy laws. By the way, you don't have to have sex with another guy to know that you're gay, but even kissing can give you some indication. In the meantime, take this opportunity to do things that only single people can do, you have the freedom to travel and do stuff without kids "tying" you down. You can also improve your mind and body. Good luck!
Sigh... welcome to my life. I have romantic feelings about men but nothing obviously sexual. This has kept confused and out of the dating pool for my entire adult life. What is my "way out"? I'm going to be incredibly brave and ask out a man who I like and know to be gay. I only hope and pray we'll be compatible. Take comfort in knowing there are other guys out there who are interested in men but ambivalent about gay sex. I just don't know what happens with them. Do they suddenly become interested in sex when they meet the right man? Do they just find men with similar preferences? Are they just lonely because all the men they meet want sex more than they do? I guess the only way to find out is to put myself out there.
Aha, fellow partly asexual gay guys! Being more interested in a romantic relationship could point to asexuality or some form of it. Also consider demisexuality (sexual attractions develop after emotional connection) or Gray-A (only attraction in certain circumstances, includes demi). Are you interested only in men, or do you also experience romantic and/or sexual attraction to women? It sounds like you are at least bi(romantic or sexual). By not being interested in a top/bottom/versatile relationship, do you mean not being interested in anal sex? Because you are not alone in that. Or just sexual relationships in general? Or (I think this is what I'm getting from what you said) neither? As pointed out above, make sure you are in a place where laws protect you from discrimination and you feel comfortable coming out.
Thank you all for the perceptive and thoughtful responses. IG88, you are right about the discriminatory laws. MfromA, I really don't know if I am fully asexual. As I said I have some fetishes though I really don't know if I would be sexually active even if I meet the right man some day... Wishful thinking!! Newfish, you are probably correct in mentioning the "demisexual" part of it... I basically fantasize about hugging and gentle kissing... For me the romantic moments are more beautiful... But thanks to the three of you.. Also glad to have some asexual homoromantic people around!
