This question has bothered me for a long time. I just want to know what some outside opinions. Here is what I've gathered, notice, observed, etc. I always watch gay porn, or look a pictures of men. Women do not gross me out but they don't give me any kind of mental or physical reaction. All the erotic dreams I managed to recall have been with men. There has not been one with a women that I can remember. I often find myself checking out men tons more than women. "Damn, that guy is hot. Look at his muscles." I have say the following maybe once, if that: "She is kind of cute." When some of my other guys friends say "she's hot" I never see it. I usually end of agreeing to avoid suspicion. I did have had a girlfriend a few (nearly 2 and 1/2) years ago. I say girlfriend, but it never got to be more than a friendship. I could never do anything more than hug her. The though of kissing her was unappealing to me. Hugging her caused no feelings of attraction, or anything like that. We slow danced once. No feelings were felt there either. Today, I have a little crush on a guy (he has no idea). I think my feelings for this guy are stronger than those for my ex-girlfriend. I would like to kiss him so bad. Thanks for your help. Sorry this was a little long. I didn't want to leave any clues out.
Sounds like me at 15, sounds like me today... You're young and growing up in a culture much more accepting of sexual difference than when I was your age. Take this time to explore any/all identities that you think might fit you. Above all be totally honest with yourself about your feelings. Don't try to repress those that bother you or overinflate the ones that you think are more acceptable. Act on your feelings where possible as long as it won't cause hurt or embarrassment to another person.
I'll be honest, you do sound like you're gay to me. If you don't really feel anything for girls emotionally or sexually, then chances are you're not attracted to them. I also think that commenting on a girl's appearance how you do (like how you're able to notice if a girl is cute) sounds more like an appreciation of a girl's features. You don't exactly want to be with her, but you can understand why others might find her attractive. At least, that's what I'm assuming from your post. Either way, if you're confused, feel free to give yourself plenty of time to think about it. There's no need to rush.
Ultimately, only you can answer this question. That said, based on what you said, it does sound like you are most likely gay.
I had this same problem until recently. I was like "I like guys for sure, but I still like girls a little bit." I was fooling myself, I couldn't imagine actually being intimate with a girl. These things take time, and it took lots of thought before I could realize that what I was thinking was wrong. I think you sound gay though, but hey, what does my opinion matter? If you want to go out with a girl, go ahead. You'll know if you like it. If you don't, you're gay. It's pretty simple in theory, but in practice it's close to impossible. Good luck, bro.
Thanks everyone. You have given me much to think about. I never considered it like this. Thank you so much for your input!
Hi.People always tell me to keep my options open and be bi(which I technically am some of the time)but in the end the decision and figuring out is up to the person.
This sounds just like how I am. I like sexually and romantically, but I only have admiration for a woman's beauty. I don't really get sexually attracted to women, but I definitely know when a woman is gorgeous or cute. But, I just told myself that since I find guys more appealing romantically and sexually, then I must be gay. It take time but only you can come to terms with yourself and your sexuality.
It sounds like you know the answer just haven't completely left the thought of being straight. It sounds like you're gay to be honest. Bug if you still feel like you're not sure then don't worry just date who you like. However I know that feeling of wanting to know what you are before dating anyone.
I felt the same way as you at 15, but I didn't accept it until some years later. In some respects I wanted to wait and see if my feelings changed as so many other things in my life at that time were in a state of flux. I wanted to be really certain about my sexuality, but the waiting to see eventually pushed me into the closet and my feelings never did change. On the basis of what you've told us I'd say you are pretty overwhelmingly attracted to the same sex, BUT, that could still change yet. Maybe you'd like to give it a little bit longer? Some people on here graduate from being bisexual to gay. Over time they realise they are so strongly attracted to the same sex that the bisexual label no longer fits for them and that's absolutely fine.
You are 15.Sexuality is more fluid than some people would like to admit.You may be gay but who knows what the future holds.There are people that previously identified as gay to come out later as bi and vice versa.There are even people that felt predominantly straight for most of their lives and later realized they were gay.In my opinion if you want to identify yourself as something there is nothing wrong with that.If you do not choose to have a particular label at this time,there is nothing wrong with that.If you feel like you want to keep your options open for the time being,there is nothing wrong with that either.We all like to put things in boxes these days(I do as well and it pretty much drives me crazy)but as long as you know this:you are human.The answer is inside you.Dont rush it.Go with the flow and whatever you choose/do not choose to identify yourself as is just a part of you.Seriously.Like the music you listen to,the movies you watch,it all says SOMETHING about you but it does not say EVERYTHING about you and does not define you in the end.
First, Thank you all for taking the time to try and help me. You have all given great insight. I don't want to say I'm bi if I'm not. I wouldn't want to give anybody false hope of anything. Specifically my parents, and having grandchildren. I think you're right. I have had my answer. I think I have a fear of letting go of women for various reasons. What will people think of me? What if I am wrong? Will there be somebody out there for me? I do agree. I think me feelings for the same sex are overwhelmingly stronger. I am young, maybe it will change, but it has been nearly three years.
Hi Unknown Nerd-that is exactly what I am getting at...What I am trying to say is that only you can figure out who you are and can identify as whatever you want ---------- Post added 20th Mar 2014 at 07:50 PM ---------- In other words do not let others have too much influence ---------- Post added 20th Mar 2014 at 07:50 PM ---------- In the end if you feel gay thats cool ---------- Post added 20th Mar 2014 at 07:57 PM ---------- I do feel that you are 15 in the end.If you feel that it wont change then thats cool.I am not saying keep the backdoor open.I am just saying that there are many who feel this way and that since you are 15 it may/may not be a clear indications of this moment.But in the end you dont have to take anything I say seriously.The answer is inside you.I just feel do not rush it too much(but if you want to rush things along a bit nothing wrong with that).Hope that makes sense. ---------- Post added 20th Mar 2014 at 07:57 PM ---------- *at this moment ---------- Post added 20th Mar 2014 at 08:06 PM ---------- People just loooove telling others ''your gay'' or ''your bi'' or even ''your straight'' hehe...Well I thought I was gay too at some stage and then got really nicely confused when I started to notice that I was getting more and more into girls as time went by...BUT...I am still open to the possibility that I may one day be strictly gay/straight.I dont know what the future holds.Just because I currently identify as bi does NOT mean want you to do the same thing.I am simply suggestiong that you do not rush things.However,only you know what is right for you so you can choose to follow or ignore my advice.Up to you man.
It's not like it's a choice. You can either go both ways or you can't. You sound like you're confused on how that works.
Just to drive my point home: I know someone who was CONVINCED she was a lesbian at...waaaait for the age....15.And the freaking Psychologist told her ''yes you are a lesbian'' at that stage...well guess what...said person is now happily married,has a kid,etc.We all like to jump to conclusions too quickly And people like to label others too quickly as well.No wonder I got so freaking confused at some stage-everyone tried to tell me what I was!!!So yeah that is why I say 1)the answer is inside you and 2)dont rush it. ---------- Post added 20th Mar 2014 at 08:36 PM ---------- Hi ShadowSpirit 26- maybe the user is falling into the bisexual chic trap...or feels that being bi is ''cool''...never felt that way myself(I hated swinging both ways actually)but many people go through that...besides maybe I AM COMPLETELY WRONG.I do not think its very cool to label someone as confused either.Usually the more someone tells you something the more said person believes it. ---------- Post added 20th Mar 2014 at 08:41 PM ---------- Yes I know that technically you said confused on how that works hehe but it can still be taken up the wrong way by the person.In any case I know the little reality check is well meant.But yeah is it necessary to do it via the forum?Plus the wording could have been different.
Sorry if I came across as a bit bitchy but thats just how I feel.Basically to be blunt,I have seen how this type of thing screws up others and have personal experience with it.I guess that is to be expected from some members of the music world though...If you are a male pianist then you must be gay,if you identify as something else then better confuse the hell out of the person hoping that he will conform so that he can be part of the clique.And who cares if it verges on being immoral at times.Verges on.I still try to sugar coat this stuff.It was freaking immoral.And then if instead of conforming you end up confused as hell then you end up being labeled as the ''lost,confused one''.In any case,this has not just happened to me.And I am not about to go into detail,besides that will be inappropriate for this site.So yeah,hope all of that makes more sense now,did not mean to come across as bitchy,I suppose I tend to be overemotional.
I do not believe the wording is wrong. I think I made it clear what I meant. The idea that I was saying that thrnvlpidj is confused about their own sexuality, is ridiculous and means that you didn't accurately read all of what little I wrote in my comment. I understand you are just trying to help, but I didn't mean it as being offensive to that persons sexuality, and I don't see how anyone would interpret it in that context. I stand by what I said fully, meaning that I do believe that thrnvlpidj is confused on how sexuality works. Many people think it is fluid, or can be changed, but it can't. I go only one way, and always will. I have no interest in the opposite sex in that way, and I never will. Many people can only go one way. If you or thrnvlpidj disagree, then so be it, but suggesting such a thing especially to someone who is unsure of their own sexuality, is wrong and even though I have no intention of getting into an argument or debate over this, I will stand by what I said. Sexuality is not a decision, and should not be treated as one. Whatever the thread starter's sexuality is, even if he doesn't know what it is now, he will eventually, and hopefully he will embrace it whatever it is. I think things are confusing enough for him though, without others telling him what sexuality he should be or either saying or implying that it's a choice or that it can be changed. That type of thinking is false and dangerous. He has enough to deal with, without such false claims being thrown at him. Like I said, if you disagree, then so be it, but I never insulted thrnvlpidj's sexuality or said that thrnvlpidj was confused about they're sexuality, and I never would. I made what I meant very clear and stand by it wording and all. The point of this thread was to try to help the thread starter understand his sexuality better. Hopefully the thread starter found what he was looking for, but there's no point in throwing insults or arguing in this thread, and I don't have time for such simple minded games anyway. Like I said, I know you only meant to help, but what you said about my comment is inaccurate. Perhaps you read it wrong somehow. And I didn't see what you wrote as coming across as bitchy. I just saw it as you being confused about what I wrote. Hopefully that is cleared up now. I have no ill will against you, I just disagree with what you said, and don't understand why any one would think that way, but oh well. :smilewave
Hi.I agree with everything you wrote.Sorry about that.I have no ill will against you either. ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2014 at 11:41 AM ---------- Well not quite sure about the fluidity concept however,but I acknowledge that I misinterpreted.Apologies. ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2014 at 11:42 AM ---------- I have a feeling I might agree with that as well though... ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2014 at 11:45 AM ---------- Sorry-fluidity regarding sexuality...I believe is possible,however being bi is not a choice,in my honest opinion.I think there is always an underlying bisexuality in bisexuals,although I do feel that they may be fluid in regards to degree of attraction. ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2014 at 11:53 AM ---------- So yeah,feeling not so good about my post.I guess I was just stressed out.But feel bad since you responded in such a nice way.Hope all is cool.I suppose I am confused...I guess I was just too badly screwed up by certain experiences.I mean my reaction was illogical.I suppose I do know the answer deep down though... ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2014 at 12:08 PM ---------- Okay.Thought this over.My advice was unhelpful.
Haha I didn't really start to question my sexuality until I was 18 but am still kind of dealing with same thing you are dealing with except vice versa. I would say be open to whatever. You're 15 so you're going to change a lot before you're 25. You might be bi, you might be gay who knows. From what you say, you sound gay but you sound like you might be a little curious about the opposite sex. I myself have had more intense crushes on women than men. I'm open to the idea of dating a guy but I'm not sure I would want to be serious. For now, I would say just be open to dating and see what the future holds. Let yourself determine your own sexuality, not your friends. It will take some time but in the end, it will be completely worth it.
