I feel somewhat misunderstood by girls on dating sites. They see my pictures and assume I'm a lipstick lesbian. But although I have long hair and wear makeup (in 2 of my pictures), you can tell by what I've written about myself in my profile, that personality-wise I'm not really feminine. This one gorgeous girl had on her profile "message me if you wanna get to know me, and if you're butch" and I feel that I *am* masculine. Maybe not in the way I look, but the person I am, my core identity, is masculine. Of course, when I said "I'm butch! And I think I love you... etc, etc" (making sure she knew I was joking about the I love you part) she laughed (not in a rude way though) and said, "girrrrrl, how are you butch? hahaha!" I understand that just by looking at my pictures, she'd see a femme but I was hoping that wouldn't be the case. I don't know where I belong, and I don't know what to do. Because 1) I do enjoy wearing makeup and having long hair, 2) I naturally behave in a masculine way, and desire to be with a pretty, feminine girl in the way that a man would be with a woman (I realize that this is a crude way of putting it, and that many others don't like using the man/woman terms when describing lesbian relationships, but this is the clearest way I can put it). It seems that feminine girls either want other lipstick lesbians, which I am not, or they want butch lesbians, which they can't see me as. Other than change the way I look, which I wouldn't enjoy doing, what can I do? Also, are there other people like this out there? I'm not heartbroken or miserable or anything, I'm just a bit let down that it's always like this. Another time, there was this femme girl who liked other femme girls, and over time I could tell that she was becoming less into me, because I wasn't girly how she expected and wanted me to be.
Well maybe there's someone out there who likes girls who look femme but act butch, to put it simply. If someone doesn't appreciate you just the way you are then I don't think it's meant to be. I think the best thing you can do is try to be upfront with girls who are attracted to you and say, "This is how I enjoy looking, but this is my personality and this is how I'll continue to be". Really all you can do is be yourself, as cliche as it is, but I guess try to be upfront and honest about who you are so that it's clear on all sides.
Some of the people you encounter on dating sites can be pretty shallow so try no to take it too personally. Don't try to change yourself if you're happy how you are, it might be frustrating but waiting for someone who really likes you as you are is better than being with someone who'd want to change you in the long run. I always think of myself as fairly androgynous in my personality though others have referred to me behaving masculine, but I do get annoyed with people I don't know assuming I'm girly because I look that way (even when I've had shortish hair, no make-up and unisex clothes I still get this, think it's the shape of my face).
This is exactly how I am, with the gender expression part at least. Appearance wise I look pretty feminine, but my personality is more masculine or at least androgynous. I don't really think about it that much; I've just kind of accepted that this is who I am. I suppose it's not as much of a problem for me because girls who are pansexual (and other orientations under the bi* umbrella) don't really have the masculine/feminine roles that lesbians do. It seems like for some reason it's almost expected in the lesbian community that people will fit strictly into either butch, femme, or lipstick categories. The only advice I'd be able to give you is maybe try to find someone who is bi or something instead of just looking for lesbians? I get that some people don't like the idea of dating someone who is attracted to more than one gender, but if you're comfortable with it then that might be kind of helpful. If anything it's less likely that they'll expect you to fit into the lipstick or butch roles.
