Hi. This is my first time posting anything. Okay, so, I am not sure what I am? I have been asking myself if I am lesbian for roughly 2 years. I find that I am checking out girls and that I feel more attracted to them. I am definitely more aroused by women than men. The idea of kissing or doing any thing sexual with a man disgusts me, (It doesn't disgust me that other people do it, just thinking about myself doing it is unpleasant) but when I think about with a woman, it makes me feel all tingly and nervous. At the same time however, when I imagine myself in a relationship, I see myself going out with a male. When I purposely tried thinking of going out with a female it was very appealing. I am very close with the guys in my class and often find myself fantasizing about going out with one of them when I am alone and/or away from them. However, when I am actually with them I can not imagine myself going out with them and the idea seems ridiculous. I am still 15, almost 16 and have never gone out with anybody before. (Male or Female) One other thing that adds to my confusion is that I think that I have crushes on guys but they rarely last longer than a month and I never feel too strongly towards them whereas I have felt really strongly about one woman before who I think I was in love with. (But this has only happened once) I live in japan and it makes it even more hard for me to figure this out because people are not used to the idea of a "gay" community and are very narrow minded. I don't know what I am and I have already thought about this for two years. I have finally decided to ask what everybody else thinks? Am I a lesbian?
First of all welcome to the EC. Love your nick. ^_^ Around your age I also had that "fake" interest with females even I know I am attracted to males from very early ages. As I also have similar distaste for opposite gender genitalia. I am okay with it, it looks more artistic than male parts however ever tought of touching it makes my skin crawl. So you are seems like lesbian to me... or at least my female counterpart... as I am gay that makes you lesbian, right? I can imagine Japan culture as it is very similar to ours (I am from Turkey by the way) in regards of family honor, shame and importance of family. Hugs to you little sister. If you need to ask something or just talk we are all here for you. Knightly
Thank you for responding! It is really reassuring to hear from somebody else who had a similar experience. It must be really hard being from Turkey. Thank you again for the support! Btw I really like your quote! Every line, every curve.....
