Hi, I'm at a point where I identify as gay inside my head. I still don't have experience, I'm not sure if I really am, and I'm honestly kind of waiting for the day I wake up and think "there is your answer and you're 100% hetero!!" Idk how I feel about the whole thing anymore. Anyways, I've noticed more and more recently that whenever I see an above average guy I start asking myself all kinds of questions.. * You think he's attractive, right? * I mean the thought of doing anything sexual with him doesn't COMPLETELY gross you out, right? * You wouldn't mind flirting with them, RIGHT? I mean at the end of the day, there isn't really any attraction of any kind, it's just more like an admiration. But in the moment, it's like I'm trying to talk myself into liking them. Is this a normal part of coming to accept your sexuality or is this really me kind of being into guys? ;-;
Hey.I have gone through the same thing.I do not want to stick a label on you...you probably know the answer deep down.Maybe you are trying to confuse yourself on purpose subconsciously?Or even,consciously?Its a possibility.Feel free to disagree.Its just my own experience of things.
Yeah, I think I do and it's probably obvious from this question. I just feel so frustrated. I'm desperately clinging on to the fact that I might not be gay, and I truly believe that I might not be. Or maybe I don't. I mean I was more okay with the fact that I might be gay months and months ago than I am now. I feel like I'm regressing in my acceptance of my sexuality instead of progressing. I'm tired of crying about it. Why does it have to be this difficult inside??
I think it might be helpful to look at the ''bigger picture''.When you fantasize,what gender is it most of the time?Providing you are going with the flow.I can force myself to have heterosexual fantasies,even have heterosexual orgasms(sorry if that it a bit too much info hehe),but its not going with the flow.And even when the fantasies feel unforced on those rare occasions it is till fantasy not reality.In reality,however,it will most probably either not work out,and even if it does it will most definitely not be close to comparable to the bond I will feel with the same gender.In fact it will be minor-moderate emotional attraction at best and emotionless sexual activity.At worst-you know what I mean.So that is one of the first things:fantasy is all very well and fine,but are you going with the flow and how would reality compare?In my opinion you do not have to even test it out,one pretty much knows.Think about that.Now if you see a man/woman which one do you notice first?Be honest with yourself.Do not even start questioning aesthetic appearance that is unreliable.I notice both,but I notice the guy first 90 percent of the time.I can find women aesthetically attractive.And yes,the sex does not COMPLETELY gross me out.But would I enjoy it in a going with the flow sort of way.Nah.It is completely possible to feel emotionally attracted to an extent,but ask yourself,which gender am I likely to be more happy with?Think about these things if you want.If you can answer these questions bluntly and honestly,then the bluntness and honesty is most probably the answer you seek. ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2014 at 11:15 PM ---------- If you can make peace with these questions that is one step in the right direction.I know its hard.Hang in there. ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2014 at 11:22 PM ---------- I went through a regression stage as well.I used to be the kid that proclaims proudly and jokingly ''I'm a faggot,get over it'' to people that asked.I doubt I am about to shout it from the rooftops now and tell the whole world,I feel I am now finally back at the acceptance stage.But in a more chilled way.PS Faggot,is sometimes used affectionally amongst gay men so did not mean to offend anyone. ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2014 at 11:25 PM ---------- The regression came later.Sorry for being so unclear.No nicotine hehe ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2014 at 11:30 PM ---------- Its going to be okay though.Do you mind if I send you a friend request and we talk now and then?Up to you.Not a full member yet but hope to be soon.
PS I loooove flirting with girls but I am still gay.There are no rules.Not that I flirt with girls anymore(did that when I considered(read convinced myself that I was) bisexual.Obviously there are bisexuals around though.I do not doubt that fact.
i think i've had a similar phase. before i fully accepted myself as gay, i would overcompensate by looking for good-looking men just so i could point them out to my friends and coworkers. it was like, "look at the way i'm drooling over these hot men. there's no doubt about my sexuality now, is there?" but even though i appreciated their beauty, i had no desire to touch them or spend more time with them. it's different for everyone. hope you can find what will give you peace inside.
I'm going through the same thing, I am trying to convince myself that I am not gay but I think that if you need to convince yourself that you are not gay, it probably means that you are gay or at least attracted to girls.
Thanks for some of the feedback, guys, I'm finding it comforting to say the least! @Aspie- People always say that about which one you naturally fantasize about, but honestly, all fantasies feel very forced to me! I only try to encourage them because that's what seems to be the "norm". They don't really turn me on any more than just going at it alone. I can half-ass fantasize about either gender and it feels about the same, though. Although, when I'm done and I had a hetero fantasy I kind of get a disgusted feeling after. I don't really get that with gay fantasies ever. I'm not sure which gender I tend to casually notice first, I'll try to observe that in the future. In movies and media, it's almost always the guy. I'm 99% sure it's the girl IRL, though. That's a big complicated part for me, my fantasy ≠ reality. I do feel like I'm relating to a lot of what you're saying about your personal experience. I feel like that's how it'd pan out for me. I feel like I can only imagine a strong happy partnership with a girl in the long run. In my fantasies, I can imagine short blissful nonsexual flings with guys and it's all happy dandy, but idk. Also, yes I accepted it~
I feel exactly the same way. So I can't really help but I can let you know you're not at all alone! It can be really confusing because I definitely WANT to like guys so I do whatever I can to try to rationalize a way that I could like them. I don't think wanting to be with a girl IRL but fantasizing about guys is weird though. We've been taught our whole lives to fantasize about guys! It definitely makes me feel more "normal" but it's safe because he's not real and I can control all of it.
Yeah that makes a lot of sense with the "We've been taught our whole lives to fantasize about guys!". I think that's why it has kind of taken me awhile to figure out I wasn't feelings the same way others my age do about the opposite sex. I've grown up on these fairy tales and romcoms with hetero relationships. Growing up, I kind of just adapted them as my own wants. Kind of hard to separate yourself from something you believed for so long and realize that it will never happen...
