I have a boyfriend now, we've been going out like 3 weeks. When I go out with guys I start thinking maybe I'm a lesbian, but this guy makes me want to try make it work. When I go out with girls I don't usually like it and I want to come back to men. I've never actually had a girlfriend, it's just set-ups make me feel put off, and when I decide maybe I want a girlfriend I just don't care anymore. Even though this guy makes me want to make it work, I've been feeling a tiny bit gay. What if this is some sort of defense mechanism? Because in the past I have tried to date women and I lose all interest once I start even seriously considering girls. I don't know if I can see myself falling in love with my boyfriend, I care about him a lot but I'm not crazy about him. I'm not in love and I don't know if I'm going that way. I can't think of any other guy I'd want though. I keep thinking of how girls smell and how it'd feel if it was a girl I was in the cinema with or kissing. (nsfw) The other night he put his hand down my pants. I wasn't turned on. There were other people in the room, sleeping, but I was afraid they weren't sleep. Maybe I wasn't ready, maybe I was scared the others would hear us, or maybe I'm not attracted to him sexually. Maybe the reason I'm not attracted to him sexually is because I'm not ready? I was also tired. Before that when we were alone he kissed me and tried to mess around, but I was too tired. I care about him so much but the whole thing bores me a little at times. Though, he does make me feel something, thankfully. I loved seeing his O face, and I loved going to sleep with drops of wet on my arm. I think I keep hoping I'll fall in love with him. I know it sounds like I should end it, but I've had no problem ending things before, this one's different. I just don't know what to do at this point. Am I forcing this relationship because I'm gay, or am I over-thinking everything? Is it my thoughts that are holding me back from liking him more. I just feel so confused. This always happens.
While I'm not the best person to give relationship advice I do think you might be over thinking this issue. The cause of your gay mood is probably just bing bisexual. I myself am bisexual and I've met people who describe the same way I do what I call sexual moods. I feel bisexuality causes a lot more doubt due to the fluidity if sexuality. I go through straight moods and gay moods and and sometimes both at one time. As for your bf, he just might not be the one. I would recommend getting more advice but I hope I helped in even the smallest way. Bisexual people go through a lot more confusion and doubt when it comes to their sexuality compared to gay and straight folks. So just accept who you are and learn to what makes you happy.
