I am a 24 y/o woman in the U.S.A. and I have known this guy for 17 years from my family's country. Him and I met as adults 5 years ago and started dating. He came onto me. We have never had any problems sexually, but when I start wanting more commitment he will quickly shy away and start ignoring me. We never fight, so there is no reason for this behavior. Anyway, 5 years ago, he did this to me, suddenly turned cold, so I stopped talking to him completely. Then, this last summer, I was back in my country and we rekindled this relationship. He is the type of guy who is always very sexual and passionate, but never the type to really sweet talk me or tell me that I am hot. I could be dressed soooo sexy and he won't notice but he does enjoy being with me sexually. Anyway, on my last night there, he revealed to me that he once engaged in oral sex with a man. I am so confused now. I really care about this man and in the back of my mind after other failed relationships with other men, I always thought I would end up with him. Now, this dream might be over. I asked him if he was gay or bi, but he told me no. He kept reassuring me he was straight. Aside from him telling me about this encounter, his whole hot/cold personality has made me question him more. I haven't talked about this with him since my last night there. It just isn't the thing to talk about over the phone. Moreover, to confuse me more, he randomly called me at 5 am his time to tell me he loved me. After saying this, he stopped talking to me! What is your verdict? Gay? Straight? Unsure? Do you think he could be in denial? Would a straight man ever do this? Keep in mind, I would normally assume the man to be gay if he told me this story but I also know he is really desperate for sex as we are from a very small town where girls don't easily give it up. Not to mention, he is a big drinker so maybe he was really drunk. I just want to know and I know I won't be able to discuss this with him until we are together in person. I just don't want to be used if he is a man in denial. I don't want him to use me as a type of "cure."
No one on here can tell you his sexuality, the only thing you can do is ask to talk to him about it again. Communication is key, so they say. And if he is bisexual (or "somewhere in between"; things don't necessarily need to be labeled) you have to ask yourself whether that's something you can accept (assuming that you like him enough in the first place). So, I advise more talking.
This is a tough one. All kinds of things are at play. There is the cultural thing and his limited access to sex, as you say, there is the drinking, there is his high libido, and there is his hot and cold nature that you have to contend with. This sort of thing is really hard to process, for a guy. Sometimes, these things happen and the guy remains a little confused ... or plenty confused. This sort of event, from what I gather, is more likely to happen to guys than it is to women. Guys who are more or less straight may have a sexual encounter or two with another guy. Some are just wired to be very horny. Women who are straight generally don't do this sort of thing, as far as I know. I think he may really care for you on one level. However, you need to proceed with caution. You need to take your time with this situation, especially since he's laid his cards on the table as to that occurrence. I know of a now successful guy who is the friend of a very good friend, the latter of whom goes back to the college years. He had a sexual encounter with another man when he was younger. It did one hell of a number on him. He did proceed to get married and have kids, and the marriage, for the most part, seems to be ok and holding together. If my friend knows of this story, then his wife does as well. On the other hand, another man may go through the same experience and then be changed by it. Everybody is different. It's hard when that person you are interested and care about, male or female, is sort of on the cusp of something like this and therefore somewhat unavailable on an emotional level.
Straight men often do sexual things with other men in many cultures. I know some of my straight male friends in college would sometimes watch hetero porn and jack off together, even give each other a hand.
