Question for everyone who is gay/lesbian

Before recognizing I was lesbian I thought I crushed several times on guys. Now I know I just forced myself to do it so. That was stupid I know but all I wanted was to be like the others. be a part of them. So I told them 'I think this guy is quite hot and I do like him veeerryy much'. Todya when I'm saying someones hot it's a girl. And yea my feelings for girls compared to the "feelings" to boys are much!!! stronger. Sometimes I think this boy looks good but that's all. No butterflies no tickle in my stomach
You can be physically attracted by men but only romantically (and physically) attracted to girls. But in my opinion girls are soo much prettier than boys and men
Good luck then figuring out

 

I believe I'm in a similar position as you. Whilst I appreciate the opposite sex, I can't say I've really felt 'true' attractions for them. Like you, my feelings for females are also way more stronger than for males. Also, I noticed that some of my crushes for females tend to develop over time whereas when I 'crush' on a male, it's more about the initial meeting and fades quite quickly. You can say that perhaps it's more physical attraction and nothing else. That being said, my male acquaintances/friends have been very low for a while now. Perhaps I need to know more males to form a solid conclusion on that.

Personally, I think I'm gay but I say I'm bi at the moment because I do feel attraction to the opposite sex sometimes (even though it's very rare). I haven't really been romantically close to an opposite sex so I feel that I can't definitely say anything yet. I feel that it's daft to make decisions without experiencing it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I really liked somebody and they happened to be male, then that's fine. I wouldn't not like them just because they happened to be a guy. So far though, I just really dig the female species.

 

I'm going to C&P somthing I just wrote in my coming out thread. Yes, I have had crushes on men. I think I call it a crush simply because of societal expectation. I have a desire to be noticed by men, even though I have no desire to be with them. So I call it a crush because I want them to notice me. In my thread on the coming out board, I wrote this description to explain the difference between me being physically attracted (or what I would call that) and sexually attracted. I think it applies here. Have you every thought about it in this way?

 

I realized I was lesbian when realized that I only liked women and no longer like men . I don't think I ever really liked a guy .l only forced myself to and used them because I was lonely and going through family trouble and stress

 

Does this bother you a lot though or you're just kind of wondering? I wouldn't really worry about it though. What you like is what you like. As long as you're happy and you aren't hurting anybody, all is well.

 

Understandable. Ha, yeah, it would be a lot easier if I was just straight.

 

I realized I was gay pretty much around puberty because I've never experienced arousal in relation to female anything. I can be heteroromatic, buy definitely homosexual!

 

Same here.
I haven't come out yet because I still get this niggling thought in the back of my mind of 'what if I'm wrong? What about the few males I've had crushes on before?' But the more I think about it realistically the more I realize I've been kidding myself. Yes I've had crushes on men before but am I aroused by them? No.
Even if I met the most perfect man in the world I can't imagine actually wanting to have sex with him. And because my feelings for them are so fleeting and I'm so easily put off I already know that a relationship just wouldn't work. When I was a few years younger I had a more idealized notion of how it could work but it strikes me now that I was deliberately focusing on men I knew were unobtainable so that I wouldn't have to deal with it.
It's a big headache though knowing that I'll have to explain all of this to my mother and friends because they will surely ask about the things I've said in the past and I find myself wishing I hadn't exaggerated my feelings for men to convince myself, because now it makes me think they will just assume I'm confused or a liar. :icon_sad:

 

I'm at the same place as I've come to terms that I'm bi but now think I'm gay. I can chime in with friends went commenting on a guy being hot or attractive but can't picture myself being with them. Plus a lot of friends I had, had major crushes on guys growing up but I never really went all goo-goo over the latest it-boy, I never really took notice before but now I am.

 

I've never had a crush on a male, neither sexual or romantic.

I've had admiration towards males, in a sense of "Wow, you're such a cool guy, I wish I could be like you/be buds with you," kind of way. I would get nervous around them and such, which I suppose some might confuse as a crush, but it was definitely more peer anxiety than anything, as I highly cared about their opinion of me. Never felt "attracted" or aroused or any desire to be intimate in any way with them.

 

I suppose in one way the fact that she already knows you're not straight might mean it comes as less of a shock when you tell her, idk for sure though, hard to tell how someone will react until you actually say it. You can try explaining to her that you thought you felt a certain way towards guys but now you've realized it's different to how you feel with girls.
When I talk to my mother I want to be as honest about it as possible (if she lets me get a word in edgeways, you would not believe how she can talk! :lol: ). I am prepared to answer any questions she might have and to clarify to her the difference between when I've found someone cute as opposed to actually being sexually aroused by them. I suppose I should be grateful really that I have a mum whom I'm able to discuss sexual matters with, it must be far more difficult for people coming out to close-minded or conservative parents that don't talk about more personal things.
I have a feeling my mum already knows on some level. I'm a little more concerned about my best friend though. The way we actually met was due to our mutual interest in a male comedian. I liked him more for his work but she really fancies him and after a while I developed a sort-of crush on him as well (he was VERY androgynous, I could squint and imagine he was a girl :icon_wink ). But it was always a main topic of conversation and I felt like I had to exaggerate my interest somewhat and now when I tell her, I'm worried it's going to affect our friendship, like she'll either think I was lying to her or not believe me. I don't generally care what people think of me but my mum and my friends are very important esp as I don't have a wide social circle.

 

I'll address only this portion of your thread.

The three times I had crushes in the opposite sex, they were all before eighth grade.

The first was for a woman named Jennifer. She was an uncommonly beautiful individual (red hair, soft features, kind and gentle personality) and I felt that we had great times together. We were "together" for about a week-- and what drew me to her was my great respect in her beauty and my enjoyment of her company-- not any attraction to see her in bed, develop a future partnership, or a physical arousal.

My second crush's name was Jordan. She was kind of a tom-boy and we always got-along. Similar process, different woman. Thankfully, none of these women were hurt-- they all seemed to accept that the interest in company and understanding was there, but not romance.

Last but CERTAINLY not least, my dearest and oldest friend Jessie. I know I talk about her passionately to everyone-- she has a great face that is round, soft, and sweet; her eyes are beautiful; if I were straight then her body would be perfect; she is kind, gentle, assertive, talkative-- perfect in every way... if I were straight. We were friends before and after my crush.

My desire to advance the relationship, once we were "together," was never there with any of these ladies. I enjoyed their company, they made me laugh and smile. But I never got aroused, my heart never felt compelled, my hopes didn't involve them, there was no desire for romance of commitment, no interest to kiss or make-love to, etc. It didn't feel "right" or natural.