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Sxual orientation help

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Eye Shine, Mar 27, 2014.

  1. Eye Shine

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    Basics:
    • My sexual orientation does matter to me
    • I know I want to know because I want accept who I am no matter what I turn out to be
    • I don’t want to be gay because I don’t want to join a discriminated group but I want to know if I was born bisexual or homosexual
    • I do believe that it’s not a decision but I haven’t been able to figure out what I am
    • I don’t want to be bisexual because my mom says they lack commitment
    • I started questioning my sexual orientation around 16 and ½ and have struggled to find out the truth about it. I am 18 now.
    • I am afraid if I do turn out to be homosexual or bisexual things could change for me.
    • I am Christian but, my family and I aren’t hard core. I find it man made evil to be against the LGBT community based on religion.
    • I do support gay rights.
    • There have been several times where I’m convinced I’m gay, convinced I’m straight and, times where I’m just saying I’m bi to myself because I don’t know.
    • Sometimes when I’m questioning my sexual orientation I get hard but it’s hard to me to determine whether that’s about being gay or hoping to be straight because the whole idea is sexual.

    Signs that I might be gay or bi
    • I do stare at guys fictional and real and will admit that they are cute.
    • I sometimes go out of my way to get a better glimpse at guys because I think they are cute and want to see.
    • With some guys it’s on time thing but there has been some repetition with others.
    • Sometimes I curse in my head to myself when I catch myself looking at a guy but I can’t help it most of the time.
    • I will admit in TV shows I do tend to care about the guys more and sometimes don’t even care about the girls. Especially at what the guys are wearing.
    • Sometimes not often I get hard when looking at a guy fictional or real.
    • Sometimes I feel like not being able to help but look at a guy isn’t a normal thing to do and questioning one’s own sexual orientation so much isn’t normal either.
    • Sometimes when I crush on a girl I feel like it might just be the fact that I want to be with someone.

    Signs that might be straight or bi
    • I have had crushes on girls before. I can’t say however that it was strong or it meant something. 2 crushes in elementary didn’t even know we had different genitals back then so not sure if that counts. None in middle school. Maybe about 6 or 7 crushes in high school. I never really did get hard with any encounter though.
    • I have had one girlfriend but I’m not sure you can even call that a girlfriend because we only went out on two dates and it didn’t workout. Also didn’t feel much here. It felt awkward after we broke up not sure if that has to do with anything though
    • I did ask one girl to the prom but it didn’t work out but I also didn’t feel anything. It also got awkward.

    Possible misconceptions
    • There is something that all the guys have in common whether or not they are real or fictional. If I stare at them they are wearing a tie, vest, collared shirt, suit, bow tie, and/or some other fancy get up. But when they do I can’t help but stare and sometimes go out of my way to get a better look. I’m not sure if that’s much help but I don’t feel much if the guy isn’t wearing something like that. Is it just a fetish or does it not make a difference.
    • About fantasies I really can’t tell if they mean much because the only time I fantasize is when I’m thinking about my sexual orientation and then it’s a mixture of both because I’m trying to figure that out.

    Solutions
    • Am I gay?
    • Am I bi?
    • Am I straight?
    • Should or do you think it’s necessary that I talk to a therapist to learn more about this?
    • What are your own opinions? (If you are a hard core religious person who is bias don’t bother commenting please.)
     
  2. thrnvlpidj

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    Don't be afraid; your life will will change regardless of your sexual orientation.

    Get some counselling and/or visit a LGBT centre.
     
  3. Chip

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    Everything you describe points to gay (or way on the gay end of the spectrum.) You describe arousal when looking at guys, efforts to pay attention to guys on TV and in person, and nothing about girls sounds like you've ever felt strong attraction, sexual or otherwise.

    You haven't talked about masturbation fantasies (when not watching porn.) Are masturbation fantasies more about guys, or girls? If you have fantasized about both, do you have stronger arousal with guys over girls? If your answers are consistent (or mostly consistent) with what you've said above, I'm going to guess it's more about guys than girls, further supporting the idea you're gay.

    Talking to a therapist is always helpful, but you seem to have a pretty good level of self-awareness so it may not be an absolutely necessary thing here.
     
  4. Joelouis

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    I know what you mean when you mention moving to get a better look at a guy - I've done that often. It's the cuteness I like also, but I've realised recently that I've been noticing their clothes all along. For instance, if it were a cute guy dressed in rags, I probably wouldn't look twice, but if he were to be wearing certain clothing then it grabs my attention.
     
  5. Eye Shine

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    So your saying regardless about the clothes thing even if it's a fetish looking at guys is still pointing to gay. If it isn't a misconception or fetish I guess I am looking at guys. :/

    ---------- Post added 28th Mar 2014 at 01:51 PM ----------

    Even though I rarely get aroused around guys you think staring at them still points to gay. what about bi? I mean sometimes I do get a feeling that looking at guys and questioning my sexual orientation for so long isn't normal. I do think I may have feelings for guys but is that pointing to gay or bi? Also I rarely masturbate but do you think if I tried doing it more it would be a better indication of whether I'm straight, gay, or bi?
     
    #5 Eye Shine, Mar 28, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2014
  6. Joelouis

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    I look at guys and I look at girls, but if you're only looking at the guys then I think it's 99% that you're gay. In the end, I'm sure you'll find yourself. And happiness follows.
     
  7. IG88

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    So you like the way a man looks in a suit and tie. I think most people think guys, and everyone else for that matter, appreciate it when people dress up and look their best. But, is it a sexual thing or a fashion thing, or...you'd like to pull off their look on yourself? Do you stare at guys that are dressed down, say in a tight t-shirt?

    Also, you say you get aroused when thinking about your sexual orientation. Does that mean that confusion turns you on? If tough math problems do that for you, then yes, but I doubt that's the thing that's turning you on. Maybe it's the thought of being with another guy that's doing that. So, next time you get aroused, try thinking who you would prefer kissing, a beautiful girl or a handsome boy?
     
  8. Chip

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    You're the only one that knows the answer. All I can do is interpret what you've said, and I don't hear you talking about anything that indicates any meaningful attraction to women, but a lot that talks about attraction to men. That's why, based on what you've said, I lean in the direction of gay or on the gay side of bi.

    As far as masturbating and how frequently you do it, I think that's really your call. Fantasies during masturbation (when porn is not used) that naturally arise (as opposed to those you intentionally think about, or trying to cover up one thing that happens naturally with another you put in its place) are generally a pretty accurate indicator of where your sexual orientation lies.

    I realize that it might be really terrifying and upsetting to consider that you might be gay, and that (if you don't actually have attractions toward girls) there might be a temptation to label as "bi" to sort of "leave the door open" that you could still end up with a girl. Nothing wrong with that. And nothign wrong with being bi and genuinely having attraction to men and women. My main point is to do your best to be honest with yourself. If you really do feel attraction for women and men... you're bi. If you feel it mostly for men, and what you feel for women is weak to nonexistent, and/or isn't sexually arousing... then you're completely at , or closer to, the gay end of the spectrum.
     
  9. YaraNunchuck

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    I've often wondered about this common view. My fantasies were basically exclusively heterosexual before I came out. In fact I had to 'get over' them, inasmuch as they were providing false hope of straightness. Even now I find it pretty difficult to fantasise about guys, TBH. Just my two cents...
     
  10. Eye Shine

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    You guys are all so helpful and supportive this is a great community. Well when I think about if a girl is dressed her best in say a dress and a guy is dressed their best in say a suit I'd probably stare at the guy and possibly get aroused. I think I'm starting to accept the fact that I do have feelings for guys (considering the fact I had my past three dreams (I've been watching yaoi thiugh so that might not have anything to do with this) about guys and the more I think about it my record shows staring at many guys and remembering faces. I don't get aroused too often still but I'm positive I have a little bit in the past and alas I can't say much for anything having to do with staring at women let alone getting aroused.) I think I lean more towards the gay end of the spectrum but I should give it some more time before making that change and then step two coming out will be annoyingly uncomfortable.
     
    #10 Eye Shine, Mar 28, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2014
  11. thrnvlpidj

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    You'll have to date more people to find out what turns you on. Have fun, be safe.
     
  12. ornoir29

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    Always remember that sexuality come in many different nuances, and everyone is unique in their way. Just embrache these feelings... I can tell you that I'm much more aroused by men, women don't turn me on unless (for some reason) it's a lesbian porn. There I go crazy.

    Nevertheless, if a woman touches me in real life I can get aroused. So, the result is: men arouse me both in porn and real life, women only in real life.

    Just explore your sexuality and try to understand how *you* work, without making comparisons with other people.