I have a really, really deep crush on one of my straight friends. He's had girlfriends, he talks about girls, and he's practically a chic magnet(and guy magnet for me :/). I told him I was gay when we were watching a movie together at his house and he kinda just looked over at me and then back to the movie. He asked if I was telling the truth and I said yes and after that all he said what "oh." Now he pretends like it never happened and we're really good friends. In school I joke around and says I love him and he just say "no" or "stop that" and we continue on whatever we were doing previously- probably because he's weirded out even though he knows I'm joking. I stare at him and think about him almost every single moment and I have noticed my grades are dropping from high 90s to the high 80s because of this. Sometimes when I'm checking him out :icon_redf he'll look back up at me and we'll lock eyes for a while. Of course, I grow red and am the first to look away. I'm sure he MUST notice that I'm practically dying over him. He can be really stupid sometimes(in a cute way) but he can't be that oblivious. Also, in one of our classes, he moves up against me a lot so that our sides are touching even though we have a lot of space at our tables in our science classes. I just squirm away because I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do because I don't want to love him for the reasons that he's straight, can sometimes be a little bossy and mean, and I've never kissed anyone or let anyone touch me because I guess I attempt to push away everybody(failing) a lot even though I have a wide group of friends. I don't know what I'm looking for... advice I guess. And please don't tell me to go for it because then my secret would be out and I don't think it'd ever work between us- which is exactly why I don't want to love him anymore. Helpz. :help:
Mate, I've been through that kind of thing with both sexes & nothing hurts like it. A mate and I always used to hang out in our teens to the extent that a lot of people naturally assumed we were gay. But it didn't bother us then. He got a job before me and he started hanging around with his new work-mates and I saw literally nothing of him for a few weeks, and the anxiety and stress was a torment like I'd never known. I'd think of him every few minutes to the point of crying. Then out of the blue he turned up at my place one evening saying he'd asked his boss to give me a job and he did. We were hanging around again and it felt great. Then he got a girlfriend but it lasted weeks before she dumped him. I found myself a girlfriend and it was a month before he found out about her and went ballistic! A group of us went to the pub and he came along but was very angry at me all evening, and as we both were walking home he began punching me and throwing me all over the road saying I had pissed him off because I'd got a girlfriend etc! Then I noticed he was in tears as he then said he loved me more than a brother "Can't you see what I'm getting at? Just what I'm trying to tell you?" He said. I could of course but saw him only three times after that night and haven't seen him in over eleven years. He was the only guy I've been really close to.
The bright side is that he didn't have a negative reaction to you telling him you're gay. But, I wouldn't tell him that you like him. He obviously feels uncomfortable about another guy loving him. I think you should prepare yourself now to put him in a friend only box. He's straight, and it's going to be tough now, but with time it'll fade.
Thanks guys for the help, but I'm still not over him. I guess it'll take a lot more time than I thought... UPDATE: So... today I kind of screwed up a little... me and my friends- with my crush- were sitting in class when he cracked a joke that was hilarious. I laughed and he looked over at me and I thought to myself God, that was cute and so is he but then my best friend nudged me and I looked up at her. She was frowning and pointed to my crush, who was looking around my other friend who was sitting next to me, his mouth hanging open. I opened and closed my mouth and slammed my head into the table and put my arms around my head so no one could see my face. I screamed "IDIOT!" very loud (Thankfully the teacher was out of the room) and when I looked up my crush was smiling a little with his cheeks a little red but that doesn't prove he's gay I guess. My other friend who did not know opened his mouth to say something with his eyebrow raised but thankfully I was saved by the bell (classic pun =P). I'm pretty sure my crush'll forget by tomorrow (he's not the brightest but that just makes him cuter) but I don't know what'll do when if he remembers... thanks guys for the help, again. =)
The only way to know is to ask him out right. It may seem like the hardest thing you've ever done, but you will regret not doing it down the road! If you live in fear of the travel, you will never make it to your destination.
