Guys who realized they were gay in their 20's GTFIH

I thought I was bi ever since I was about 15, and fought it for a long time. Then I finally accepted it last summer. Once I fully let myself think about dating guys and sleeping with guys and whatnot, well, that's all I wanted to do, and I realized I'm gay.

 

I absolutely refused to believe the notion that I was gay and tried so hard to hang onto some innsy teensy possibility that I could be bi or even straight, I was raised Catholic and so I had an internal fight with my Catholic beliefs for the longest time. I became more comfortable with the idea of being with a man throughout my Freshmen and Sophomore (sp?) years of college and than just accepted it this past summer. I will admit that I had an Elementary school opposite-sex crush for the longest time but over the years, I have grown to realize thst the crush did not even come close to the intensity of same-sex crushes.

If you would like to read my story, it can be found here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/68445-dont-know-what-believe.html Please do NOT comment on that thread since it's old. if you have any questions or what have you, please post them on my wall.

 

Shit son, I'm 14 and... something, I guess, not totally sure, but I am definately gay. Wasn't all that hard for me. Found out when I was 10. Saw some straight porn, didn't like it all that much. Saw some Lesbian, didn't like it at all. Saw some Gay, instant hard on. I'd been crushin' on guys before that, but I guess that's when I really knew. Nothing really happened after that for awhile, but now I have this huge, throbbing crush on this guy in my Spanish class (we'll call him Aaron for the sake of this example), and all I can think about is him. He's not super muscular, he's not particularly beautiful, he's not a poet, he's just... him. Unfortunately, he's straight, or at least Bi, and trust me, everyone in Texas is gossip galore, at least in my region. Plus, nearly everyone there (or rather, here) is brainwashed into thinking that being gay means you will burn in hell after the stake, except for a couple people that nobody really bothers with because they're atheist and buddhist.

Anywho, that's my story.

 

I didn't figure out I was gay until I was 21.

Growing up I went thru a bit of what you describe of wanting to look/socialize with some guys, but had no concept that gay even existed so its only looking back that I see things that would have been clues. I also grew up in the middle of nowhere in Alaska so there was very limited exposure to popular culture or different kind of people (my home town had maybe 200 people on a good day). I also never had any interest in girls or relationships (but with half the town related to each other and my messed up family there was almost no dating going on anyway and no social or family pressure to do so). I think my first exposure to the idea of a same-sex relationship was a guy in town who was volunteer teaching me about advanced math or something. He mentioned something about breaking up with his BF one day.

Anyway, in college (age 19) a guy started hitting on me in the locker room after martial arts class. It took me a while (ok weeks) to figure out what he was doing but then I took him up on the offer. We messed around several times and then I took a break for a year while I dealt with various issues. Then decided to start exploring sex with guys again. Hooked up with a different guy a couple times, decided I really liked it and that on the basis of the evidence I was gay.

Todd

 

I'm just coming to terms with it now. Growing up people would always imply or out right say I was gay, and being attracted to women and men, I always resented that. I couldn't stop thinking about girls! Yes I couldn't stop thinking about boys too, but that seemed mostly sexual.

In college I dated girls and never even considered dating guys - I think I was much more focused on figuring out where I fit in socially rather than sexually. I have a twin brother and so when we separated for the first time to go to school college was the first time I was able to be an independent person. My sex life with girls wasn't great, as I was always and continue to be nervous about my performance. It's hard to get aroused when you're worried you won't get aroused/can't get aroused from too much drinking. I can easily get hard to straight porn, but being with girls always makes me feel so anxious.

So I graduated college and figured I'd figure it out. I finally starting messing around with guys at 23. Once again, it was rare I'd get super aroused with a guy - thinking about it was hot, doing it was not always the case. Since I still can't help but flirt and like girls I continued that and figured I'd just mess around with dudes on the side.

At 24 my twin came out to me and that seemed to both wake me up to the fact that I might in fact be gay. It also made me for the first time feel like I was "in the closet". My friends (who I'm sure universally assume I'm gay anyway) only talk about my interest in girls, and when my brother came out suddenly I was the "straight twin" which keeps me even more in the closet.

It's been driving me crazy for a little over two years now. I've finally decided to seek therapy for it. I guess what this all boils down to is that everyone's coming out story is their own - people have different time tables and different influences in their lives. I'm hoping that this past makes me a better, wholer person, and that if I decide to come out and pursue men and leave women in my past that my personality will win out. Given the choice between a jerk who came out at 16 and a great guy who came out at 27, I'm hoping that people will choose the latter.

 

I've always known that I've had some sort of physical interest in other guys, but it's only in the last few months that I've actually started calling myself gay. When I was 14ish I still had some sexual thoughts about boys but I never really considered the possibility that I wasn't straight and I had crushes on a few girls (though I don't think I can honestly say I had many sexual thoughts about them).

Until I was 20 I don't think I had any romantic thoughts about other guys and couldn't picture myself kissing one. At that point I started considering myself bisexual, though I only told two people, both that I met online. After joining this site in early January I finally started accepting that I'm gay, but I don't really think I've been in denial for the last seven years -- I had said I rated a 5.5 on the Kinsey scale which is pretty close to gay and the amount of sexual thoughts I've had about girls over the years would probably be completely eliminated if I were to do a little bit of rounding...practically 100% of my thoughts have been about guys. In many ways I think it's more difficult to be bisexual though since other people (namely parents) could just try to pressure you to pursue your "straight" side.

If you're interested, you can read my sad little (okay, long) story with no progress here: Just want to vent a bit.

 

im 21 and having the same experience, always been atracted to girls, fantacize about them etc. I started to have same sex attractions for the past 4 months and freaked out, i didnt want to be gay. so i started going to a therapist, with this therapist i realized that ive been gay in denial all my life. She kind of hipnotized me and i remember being in kindergarden at age 5 and being asked by my mom who i liked, i could only think of my male friends, and she told me that i was wrong, i couldnt like men, that i had to like woman... So i think this event is what caused me to supress my gay feelings and force ( i dont know) my feelings for girls. Althought ive never been with a man i can honestly say that im gay. had a hard time accepting it but thats how it is.
I think my feelings for girls where learned and forced by myself and society, but thats okay because i love woman even fell in love with one (my ex gf), but come to realized that my love was always more of a platonic/romantic than a sexual one. Sorry for the bad english lol