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Please help me,I'm really confused..I have no idea what to do..

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by bryan21, Mar 31, 2014.

  1. bryan21

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    Hi everyone I'm 16 and I have a big problem here's the thing I can't stop myslef from mastrubating to gay porn I really don't what to do anyome I've tried many many times stopping myself from doing it but then everytime I fall and I do it again. 2 years ago I succeeded to not do it for 3 months time when I didn't thought at all about masturbating or to obscene gay stuff but then one day I don't why probably the biggest mistake of my life I did it again and ever since I lost control. I try every week not doing it and then in the weekend I feel this huge urge to masturbate and to watch gay porn again,no matter what I do how I try to distract myself from,it's alaways there in the corner of my mind and then somehow I resist to not to it I'm fine troughout the whole week and then in the weekend it comes back again and again and again and that's how it's like since ages.Here's the thing with me or at least how I see it there is the time when I'm fine I'm "clean" let's say I'm "straight" and then in the weekend when I have this huge urge I become "gay" (as I said it's a way of saying) and all I can think of is masturbating and gay stuff and then I do it and after that it just simply fades away and I become "straight" again..I know it's absurd but here's the problem not that I would have anything against gay people but I am really afraid of being gay and even though when I have the urge all I can think of is gay porn I could never imagine myself being in love or being in a relationship with a guy..
    And I'll be honest in the last few years I haven't wacthed straight porn AT ALL and because for all this years all I've known is gay stuff and porn it accumalted there in my mind and now I can barely erect when I see a naked women,it's like an infection.
    Sometimes I try to test myself when I masturbate to gay porn and I think of women instead of men and I can't say that I don't like it or that it's not turning me on..then again when I'm in the "straight" fase during the week when I try to stay sober and clean I've tried once to see if I am attracted to men or if I erect by looking at a pic and it didn't happend but then I looked at a picture with a woman and it didn't happend at that either..
    I want to be married I want to have kids I like girls a lot I even had a girlfriend once and they are the only one's that I can think of being a love and building a family with but this thing just is just crazy anymore I sometimes think I'm helpless I have no idea what to do.
    I know it's wrong I know that I should stop but somehow I can't sometimes I even wonder how can I be like this.. and I just can't talk about this to anyone because it's the most embarrassing and dirty thing and the ground would crack beneath me if I would have to tell this.
    Please try to help and try to not make fun it's not fake I know it's really absurd and confusing and it's a lot to deal with but I just really want a normal life I've been dealing with this thing since so long,it's in my life for since ages but I really want to escape and I want a normal balanced healthy life. I'm not hypocrite I am a good student I have a loving family I have friends but I'm just lost..
     
    #1 bryan21, Mar 31, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2014
  2. Chip

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    Hi and welcome to EC.

    You're in the right place, and everything you're talking about are things that people regularly talk about pretty openly here so you won't be judged or made fun of for discussing them. You're among friends. :slight_smile:

    So from what you describe, I see two, possibly three, different issues: one is the use of porn, second is the masturbation itself, and third is your concerns about your sexual orientation. Here's some info that I hope will help.

    First, watching porn (or, for that matter, reading books, having sex, doing anything else) won't alter your sexual orientation. From everything we know, sexual orientation appears to be hardwired very early in life and may well be hardwired before birth. So whether you're attracted to guys, girls, both, or somewhere on the spectrum... it's who you are, and was not altered or affected by how much, or what kind of porn you watch.

    Second, a pretty significant majority of people your age watch porn, and increasingly, there's less and less stigma about watching porn or, for that matter, masturbating, whether to porn or without porn. Masturbating is a normal and healthy activity that pretty much everyone engages in. Society still makes it sort of shameful which is why it's so difficult to talk about it, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with it except for the outdated stigma that society imposes on it.

    So then we need to go on to talk about your sexual orientation. To rephrase what I said above, someone who is totally gay could watch all the straight porn in the world, and it wouldn't make them straight. And someone who is totally straight could watch all the gay porn in the world and it wouldn't make him gay. You are what you are, and that's hardwired from everything we currently know.

    So the difficult question to explore for you is... where does your authentic sexual orientation lie? My suspicion is that you are probably more attracted to guys than to girls. I say this because it seems the urge to watch gay porn is stronger than the urge to watch straight porn.

    One suggestion I can make is to try masturbating without porn for maybe a week or two. Notice what fantasies come to mind naturally if you just let your mind wander. Imagine yourself in various settings (with guys and with girls) and see which fantasies are more arousing. And (as hard as it may be to do so) try not to influence what fantasies come up and just let them be without judgment.

    There's nothing wrong with masturbating as much as you want, as often as you feel the urge, and if you do so without porn, it will be easier to see where your real attractions lie.

    I am guessing that your heart may be racing a little bit reading the above and thinking about the possibility that you might be gay. That, too, would be normal. The important thing to keep in mind here is... we don't know yet whether you're gay or straight or somewhere in between. And whatever it is, you can't change it, so this process is about understanding yourself. Once you have a clearer idea, then the next step is to think about that and what it means. But the first thing is to get clearer information on what's happening for you.
     
  3. bryan21

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    thank you so much for your help :slight_smile: I'll try later to post this again maybe I can get more opinions but thank you again for your information and support some things are clearer now :slight_smile: