Please help me,I'm really confused..I have no idea what to do..

Have you tried seeking help to a specialist who knows more about this behavior of yours and manage them?. I know once you tried it you'll get hooked with it and then it became a habit what worse is that you can't change it so easily. Have you tried avoiding all the things that will lead you to think such things?? like turning off your computer so you can't watch any porn, turn on your safety precaution on your PC so you won't be able to see nasty videos or make yourself be really busy that you lose track of time. Don't let yourself be alone at home cause most of the time your thoughts will get back to that, do this for full 3 months then if you succeed do another 3 months until you get used not to think about it. It just a habit once you manage that then you can control yourself much better. Try your best to do anything just to divert your attention and don't give in so easily with your emotions/urge. If you can do it in 2 months like you said then there's no reason you can't do it again this time. If between those days of rehabilitating yourself the thoughts will creep in then think of this: "I've been gone this far I won't let a single thought would ruin that for me." Help yourself cause if you don't no one can help you.

 

Hey mate.

Brace for impact, because this is going to be a long reply! :eusa_danc

Porn/Masturbation Habits
You and I are at a special age. A special age where our sex drives are geared to 'OVERLOAD', and our hormones are raging. It's 150% normal to be:
1) Masturbating frequently. I sometimes do it twice a day.
2) Exploring the different types of porn available to you. Honestly, I bet that's how a lot of people catch on to the idea that they might not be just straight.

You say that you think watching porn/masturbating is a 'dirty' thing. Do you have religious beliefs that disapprove of masturbation, or do you just not like the idea of it? Explain.


Feeling Gay on the Weekends
Honestly, I think your sexuality is something that you definitely should explore more.
This may not be something that you want to hear, but from the feelings/experiences you've described, I think you're gay and probably haven't come to terms with it yourself. Don't worry - these are absolutely normal feelings. You're not an outcast from the tens of thousands of other teenagers who went through the same thing you are going through.

However, that doesn't mean that you should ignore the natural feelings that you're having. If you continue to try to ignore them, things will become more confusing, you'll feel more helpless, and things could get ugly.
Take this chance while you're still young to EXPLORE the possibilities of your personality.
There is absolutely, 100% no shame in exploring your own self.


Rejecting the Idea of a Gay Future
This is another one of those feelings that comes with not accepting yourself.

You've been raised your entire life believing that you'll be dating a woman, proposing to a woman, marrying a woman, and growing old with a woman. It's not going to be an instantaneous, easy change if you suddenly start thinking about the idea of doing all of that with a man instead.
Your mind isn't a simple thing. It's not a light switch that switches from "Women" to "Men." There are a lot of deep-rooted feelings that come with the idea of heterosexuality, and when those feeling start to be infringed upon, you're bound to feel a bit distressed.

If, and when you accept your sexuality in the future, you will most likely be able to accept the idea of relationships with men.
I was like you when I was 15. I could not imagine a life with a man at all. I desperately wanted to be with a woman, and just have sex with men.
All of that changed when I met my boyfriend. When you meet someone that you love so, so dearly, you realize that you can probably handle living the rest of your life with someone of their sex.

---

You can't run from your feelings. No matter how hard you want a 'normal', healthy life, that's not going to happen if you ignore your feelings, because that will make you unhealthy.
Also - Let's just go ahead and throw the bullshit card on the hetero-normal lifestyle crap.
Us gay folks definitely have normal lives, and if you turn out to be gay, you too will have a normal life.
There is NOTHING more normal than being human.


So, to wrap up this post (yes, there will most likely be many more from me on this thread):
• Don't think masturbation is gross. It is a normal, healthy thing. Do it frequently. It helps to relieve stress and it tames your hormonal instincts for a bit.
•*Let EC help you explore your sexuality. Keep on talking to us. It will help you lead a healthy life.

Eagerly awaiting your reply. (*hug*)

 

Heya - Sorry for the long time with no reply. I slept most of the day away and then had classes!
So there are NO men or women that you can look at and find comfortably think about having sex with? No models?

And okay - I understand where you're coming from regarding gay pornography. That's an interesting point of view, but I understand.

 

Just saying, if you are having these urges I recommend you explore it better. But, you really shouldn't treat being gay as if it's not normal, because that is probably why you feel disgusted when you imagine being with a guy. Just because others may think it bad doesn't mean it is. So before you explore your sexuality more I recommend you figure out why exactly a relationship disgusts you so much.