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So, so confused, attracted to both sex. Complications.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Maddie90, Apr 1, 2014.

  1. Maddie90

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    I'm confused, to say the least. I'm 23 a years old female, I've had brief relationship with guys before but never anything serious. Despite the fact that I'm 23 I've not had much experience. I find it very difficult to meet people. I work in a small village and I live at home as I can't afford to move out at the moment.

    I always thought that when the right guy comes along I'll love him. But truly, I've never been attracted to any of them. And they've never been really attracted to me either. I'm not really a people person, but the brief few stints I've had have been like going through the stages, like sleepwalking. When I'm with them or I kiss them, nothing. No spark, just ok.

    That said, I've never been attracted to any women either, up until this point.
    About two years ago I was at my friends house, all girls, a couple of friends were there and we were having a few drinks, I can't remember how it came up but it turned out the only two who had never kissed a girl, we were pretty drunk so we ended up kissing, and it felt ok, like any other guy I've kissed.

    Later on she reached for something behind me and accidentally (I think) brushed the end of my back, and I could feel my heart pounding and shiver fly up my back, and I realised that I was turned on.
    We were pretty drunk and she suggested I stayed, when everyone else was gone.
    I wasn't sure if it was because we were best friends or because she felt the same. But I didn't stay.

    She said it in the same tone that guys have in the past, but I wasn't sure what I wanted, or if I was reading her wrong. I was afraid that she wanted more and that it would ruin the friendship we have, because at the time I didn't think I wanted the same.

    I've now come to regret not staying. I would have worried it would have ruined our friendship but I've now realised that I'm attracted to her, more than that, that I'm in love with her.
    Every time I see her I want to kiss her, we've grown really close over the past few years, her child's been very ill and she's had a rough few years, but now her child is thankfully on the mend. I didn't want to complicate that, but now she's in a serious relationship, she's head over heels about him, they've gotten a house together and he's a really great guy, but I always hoped somewhere that there was a chance. I've now just learned she is pregnant again.
    And I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart. I now know any tiny chance I've had is gone. But strangely I'm now even more attracted to her. If that's even possible.

    Ironically in the past few months I've recently started feeling attracted to a guy, an old friend of mine, but I don't know if the feelings are the same, but to make it worse he's leaving and moving abroad for 6 months. So the only two people I've ever felt attracted to are totally off limits.

    I'm confused, I'm devastated, the only two people I've ever felt anything for, I have no chance with.
    What is this, were my hormones just ridiculously slow and I'm only now feeling attracted to people.
    I don't know if I'm a lesbian, straight, bi or just really confused.
    I know this is long but I really need some advice. I don't know what to do.
     
    #1 Maddie90, Apr 1, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2014