Hi everybody, NEVER been on a forum site, or gay site for that matter. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Jim (we'll call him) and I met working together and quickly became inseparable. I've never been closer to anyone other than my brother. He's rad and we have a blast doing...whatever together. Jim is bisexual and open about it. I am straight (aside from messing with a buddy when I was a teen), had several gf's through out my life (32 now, Jim's 35). The two of us had watched a little porn together, just watching. We kinda talked about jerking off together, never happened. And I will admit to kinda maybe flirting with Jim; without any real agenda, honestly. A few months ago, Jim came over and told me that he had developed feelings for me and that the honest thing to do was to tell me. I told him that I was straight but because it was him and because we were so close...I would keep an open mind. About a week later we were watching Vine on his couch and he slid his hand onto my leg. Not gonna lie, took me by surprise...but it did feel...nice? Over the next month or so, Jim became increasingly affectionate--NEVER crossing a line though. Then came a trip to the mountains with friends. One morning after I woke up and he was just back from running, we had a long talk. I told him I did care for him, thought about him a lot (I do) but that maybe I just wasn't gay. We got sidetracked by a dear nearby and picked it back up on the road home. This is where it gets weird. I had just told Jim that I was probably not gay and that the flirting should probably stop. He seemed sad but understood. Jim then asked if he could keep his hand on my leg for the trip home. And then, not ten minutes later...I got hard from his hand on my leg. I pointed it out and he began to rub me. We were driving on the highway. I asked him, "Can I play too?" and began to massage him. Pretty soon we both had our stuff out and were playing around with each other. It was tough for Jim since he was driving so I asked him, "Can I get you off, that sounds like fun?" So I played with him for about 30 minutes down the highway. I even used lotion from my bag. Two hands, blah blah blah. Eventually we pulled off to a parking lot. He leaned over and gave me an amazing BJ. I was pretty damn excited and finished pretty fast. Then Jim finished. We were smiling, laughing and just having a good time during. Afterwards, we went to a rock show, had dinner then went back to his place to watch tv. When he took me home later, I hugged him and held him for a bit. I freaked out the next day. Was a dick to him for a couple weeks. Called him an experiment, apologized. Basically, I really freaked out on him. And he got really hurt, which I hate. Fast forward to December of 2013, when we decided to be friends and let whatever happens, HAPPEN. Now we are closer than ever. I don't know what I feel. I really don't. I'm weird about sex, don't have a huge libido. Even with girls. Jim and I go antiquing together...movies, dinners, ride horses, trips, and just hang out and watch hours of tv together. I think he loves me, even though he does an impeccable job of pretending to not. I haven't dated a girl in four years. I spend all my time with Jim. I really don't know what I feel. If he hit on me, would I even let it go anywhere?? I did have fun messing around with him but it really freaked me out. I don't want to hurt him or myself. And I still like girls. Please keep the snark to a minimum. I really need...I don't even know. Advice? I've told Jim I don't want anything other than friendship from him. Why do I...AHHHHHHH! Yeah. (sorry for the long post)
