1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Questions for bisexuals

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by UnknownNerd, Apr 4, 2014.

  1. UnknownNerd

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2014
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I was told when you're bisexual, your preference fluctuates? Do you believe that? I'm just trying to wrap my head around that concept.

    And, I was hoping I could get your opinion on my story:

    I never watched straight porn, and never wanted to. My masturbation fantasies included men only. I never paid any attention to women. I found myself thinking "That guy is cute," and never "She is cute." It went on like this for 3 and a half years. I was 100% sure I was gay.

    I even came out to some people. But, after I did, I started noticing a few details about a few females at my school.

    I was wondering if you think maybe I was bisexual and that could be that my preference fluctuating (that seems a long time without any fluctuations). Or could that be something else? I was wondering if that is my fears (rejection, others finding out, and "what if" situations) manifesting itself.

    Thank you for reading and your opinions.
     
    #1 UnknownNerd, Apr 4, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2014
  2. fortheloveoflez

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2013
    Messages:
    478
    Likes Received:
    2
    I think that you likely have a very heavy preference for men. But let me explain, usually attraction is multi-faceted and there is some overlap between the genders so it wouldn't be super surprising if you found a woman somewhat attractive, you know? I guess what I'm trying to say is that for example both men and women have the chance to have pretty eyes or an awesome sense of humor...so maybe it is the overlap between the two that you enjoy...but then when it comes to sexual/gender characteristics you prefer the male one. Maybe the curvaceous and smaller frame of a woman is not entirely interesting to you...or maybe just feminine mannerisms in general....so then it just may put you off almost entirely to women.

    Also, what do you mean by noticing women? Is it just from an aesthetic standpoint or romantic? Because, for example, I can tell Chris Evans is handsome. Is he attractive enough for me to want to pursue him? No. Are 70% of attractive women hot enough for me to get an intense desire? Yes.
     
  3. UnknownNerd

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2014
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    First, Chris Evans, hot. :slight_smile:

    I guess I noticed those few women more from an aesthetic point. Nice hair, flawless face, long legs, and a nice funny personality. I never pictured myself in a relationship with them, or going anywhere sexual.

    I think I see what you mean by overlapping. I find a smart, funny, athletic, and nice guy attractive. Why wouldn't I find those in a women semi attractive, right?

    But when it comes to sexual/gender characteristics, I guess I find the male characteristics more appealing then female. I like the muscle, facial hair, and a deep voice.
     
  4. Radioactive Bi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2014
    Messages:
    1,339
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK Midlands
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It had indeed been believed that preferences can fluctuate due to the fluidity of sexual orientation. Some people say that preferences can also alter during the course of relationship history depending on what your partners have been like. Others would say if can continue to fluctuate throughout ones life.

    I have not experienced it personally, but I would not discount it nor would I deny anyone who claims to experience this.

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
  5. PookaciousOne

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2013
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Little Canada Minnesota
    Mine does all the time.I am far more attracted to women than I am men and yet I know I'm bisexual
     
  6. Alpha78

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2013
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Mine fluctuates often, its a curse tbh :/ it causes too much confusion. But its normal
     
  7. PacificNWbiGuy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2014
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SW Washington, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I can relate! I think this is one of many reasons I was in denial, I knew I liked women. Yet, there was a part of me that wanted a guy. That amount of desire was in flux, makes it hard to get your bearings. It's like navigating by fireflies not stars.

    @OP Sexuality is a spectrum, some people know where they sit on the line, some keep bouncing around alone the trail. Some are even fixed in a position where they are xx% attracted to the opposite sex and xx% to the same sex (what ever the % are is for the individual to comprehend).
     
  8. I understand, I am also fluid. I've been this I this way since I was a teenager, although at times it seems I have leaned towards either sex. I've even had times where I'd like a guy and be so confused and tell myself "no, I'm a lesbian, I can't like him...oh gosh screw it, i just wanna be with him" lol.

    I'm married to man and am totally confused. I have gay days and straight days. Gets really confusing. I've started to meditate just to make my mind stop running a mile a minute.
     
  9. Joelouis

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2013
    Messages:
    707
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Great Britain
    It's funny how a simple statement can sum up what I feel without managing to say it.

    It is, however, my attraction to both genders that actually stops me from having a relationship with either.
     
  10. PookaciousOne

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2013
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Little Canada Minnesota
    I've only dated women.I was pretty open about my sexuality with the woman I dated before I met my wife and she kind of pushed me into maybe dating a guy after her and I broke up and I started looking and then I met my wife
     
  11. EleanorHunter

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2013
    Messages:
    757
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    Michigan
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    A lot of bisexual's attractions do fluctuate. One day they might notice more guys than the do girls, and vice versa another day. I think for a lot of them, even if they aren't really noticing the other gender, the attraction to them is still there, it's just less noticeable.

    Personally, my attractions hardly fluctuate. I haven't had a real crush on a guy for almost two years. In public, I mostly look at the girls. There might be a few guys I find attractive, but I'm pickier when it comes to what I find attractive. However, I think my demisexuality is the main cause for my confusion. I can't really crush on anybody unless I know them to some degree. I've definitely fallen in love with both genders over the years though. So even though I don't experience normal fluctuations, I know that it's totally possible for me to fall for either, maybe any gender.
     
  12. Joelouis

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2013
    Messages:
    707
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Great Britain
    Does your bisexuality affect your relationship with your wife in any way, even if it's only thoughts and you never act on it?

    I would die to have a relationship with a woman I loved but would feel like I'm somehow cheating her due to my bisexual attractions. (I'm not saying you're cheating by the way. More from my own thoughts).
     
  13. LibraryKitten

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2013
    Messages:
    122
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Some people
    My preference has fluctuated, but not in rapid "like guys one day, women the next" way that people seem to mention a lot. It's more like, you're open to looking at people of either gender (or for some bisexuals, looking at people of any gender), and sometimes it's more likely that one will catch your eye than the other, but that doesn't mean you'll just suddenly change your mind.

    I met a guy I was really into, and then when that relationship didn't work out, for a long time I was primarily interested in women physically. I'm still mostly leaning towards women aesthetically, but I've met a male bodied person who particularly rocks my world, so now I'm focused on him. I'm not afraid that I'll wake up one day and not be attracted to him, because it's the person that matters. I recently met a woman who was attracted to me and I was mutually attracted to, and if I hadn't met him first, I probably would have preferred her physically, but since I'm in a deep relationship with him, she didn't stand a chance. The fact that I could admire her didn't mean I was cheating, or in any danger of doing that.
     
    #13 LibraryKitten, Apr 5, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2014
  14. PookaciousOne

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2013
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Little Canada Minnesota
    Not at all I was very up front with her when we met.At that point for whatever reason I thought I was more bi curious than bisexual. She's straight so it was something I was worried about in regards to how she would respond but her response was far more positive than a few reactions I got from friends when I decided to come out.
    I have fantasies and she knows it but we have found ways to deal with some of them without involving another person
     
  15. Joelouis

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2013
    Messages:
    707
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Great Britain
    That's good to hear.

    There's hope for me to find someone then!
     
  16. Kabuki

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2014
    Messages:
    323
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Puerto Rico, United States
    My preference is mostly on girls. But I'm very picky in what I like about girls, so I find myself looking at guys more because my preference on guys is more wide in terms of physical attraction. But I'm definitely more emotionally attracted to girls than guys. It's a very complex thing, being bisexual. Like someone posted, being attracted to both is not generally better, it actually becomes harder to choose because of the possibilities.
     
  17. PookaciousOne

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2013
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Little Canada Minnesota
    Don't give up. Me either being told about or discovering pegging ( I don't recall which it was) was the best thing ever
     
  18. sldanlm

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2013
    Messages:
    1,322
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Eastern U.S.A. commuter
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Although I'm now dating a guy, I still have physical desire sometimes for women, just as my straight guy friend does. We just don't act on it, because we're in a monogamous relationship. In my case though, before I started dating him, I never had any physical desire for men. I guess that when it comes to guys I'm demisexual, can't have an attraction without being in love. I don't know if that still qualifies me as bisexual or not. I just know I'm no longer a "gold star" lesbian anymore.
     
  19. TheFSM

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2014
    Messages:
    183
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Germany
    Out Status:
    A few people
    (i am not really bi but i think I am in the right position to aswer this anyway)
    I think that It can change, but It doesn't have to...?!?! I think it is also possible that before in you life you were gay and now you are bi/straight. Or that now you have realized that you also like women. A lot of people in our society think that you eieither lokie boys or girls/ that attarction binary. So we tend to think that we are only attracted to one gender wich is not always the case.
    For a long time I thought I only liked boys. My logic was that because I like Boys I can not be anything but Straight. I thought that the feelings I had for girls weren't romantical / sexual... for me it was only logical that way, well beacause I also like Boys.
    At the moment I tend to look/ think more of girls , but I think part of it is that my current crush is a girl...
    Basically what i am trying to say is that both can be possible. Maby you liked only boys before and now you like only girls, or you like both. Or you always liked both and you didn't realize it before...
     
  20. UnknownNerd

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2014
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Story of my life. :slight_smile:

    If your attractions fluctuate, how do you accept this? I think I would go mad if that would keep happening to me. I'm going mad now just thinking about it. :frowning2:


    Never though of that. I could just be VERY picky with girls. Maybe.