can i not be gay anymore?

Insecurity is a natal feeling even straight people have the same feelings. There is nothing wrong with you beeing the way you are. big hugs too you:-D

 

No, you can't. I understand what you're going through. Being gay is harder, being gay is going to be an obstacle for a while. But it's unchangeable. Don't wish to be straight; it does nothing. You are gay, and you have to face that.

Denying it for a long time will likely be the worst thing that could happen to you. It will consume you, you won't be able to be happy, your life will be nothing like it could be if you accept yourself.

I understand that it's hard, and it will take time, but you must realise that you can't keep thinking like this, for your own sake.

 

You can't change your sexuality. I've tried to stop liking girls and force myself to only like boys, but it just isn't possible. The sooner you embrace your sexuality instead of fighting it, the happier you'll be. Have you tried talking to someone, maybe a therapist?

Best of luck to you. Feel free to message me anytime

 

Although anyone change change their actions, I don't know how you'd change your orientation. If you find out something that really works, please be sure to let the Nobel prize committee know.

 

Hi Barbadosslim

First off, you are not pathetic, you are a unique person with amazing talents with buckets of potential to live a happy fulfilled life.

In a sense, most of us are way too judgemental about ourselves, I know, I'm my own worst enemy and like you I've steered away from intimacy because I was and am scared of rejection, not just by others but by myself.

One thing that you need to realise is that no matter how hard you try, how much you pray or how much effort you put into pretending, nothing in this world is going to zap you and change your sexual orientation. I know, I've been there and tried everything to change mine since I hit puberty at 12... Twenty six years of denial and I'm still gay and because I didn't want to live a fake life I've steered away from intimacy and never had a long term relationship with someone.... I'm not counting flings as I've had those with both guys and girls, but nothing really meaningful where I can say that I've given myself to someone emotionally.

That is a sad road to travel on and I wish I took the steps earlier in my life to accept myself for whom and what I am. Remember, you are you, you are the same person right now as you where yesterday as you will be tomorrow... The people who love you love you for you and not your orientation. You are much more than a brand, so don't label yourself. Allow yourself to be you, love yourself for being you and then take a good look at all the good stuff in your life, the talents you have, the abled body that you have, your parents your friends. You have so much which trust me a lot of people don't have.

A few month ago on my 38th birthday I decided I needed to accept myself. I made an effort to go and see a therapist and unlike my past attempts where I tried to talk myself into being straight, I went in and told her I am gay, I know that, it's not going to miraculously change, if it hasn't changed in the past 26 years nothing is going to change it in another 26 years... So I asked her to help me accept myself and that's what we've been working on....

And you know what....

I've met someone amazing and for the first time in my life I'm allowing myself to fall in love...

I don't know what the future hold, but I'm sure it's going to be much better than what I had and I am glad I'm not wasting any more time.

So my advice to you would be to go and see someone, and in stead of trying to change who you are, try to accept yourself for who and what you are. Life is too short to waste it all, trust me, I know, I have wasted a large chunk of mine.

You don't have to out yourself, your sexuality is no bodies business... And if you are ready and feel the need to tell someone, do it, it is liberating but still, it doesn't change who you are.... Straight people don't walk around telling everyone they are straight, neither do you have to walk around telling everyone that your gay. You don't have to be a stereotype, just be you, the normal you and people will still accept you and love you for being you.

 

Stepping out of your comfort zone is an amazing achievement which you should be proud of... It's not supposed to be easy, if it was everyone would do it and we would have a world full of extraordinary people, because that's what you become when you step out of your comfort zone an extraordinary person.

Being different makes you original, and anything original is more valuable than a copy, remember that.

The fact that you've taken that step tells me that you've got guts and and if you hang in there you will make it. Life has a way to reward those who take a leap of faith. That said, it's not going to be easy and you will always have individuals who feel threatened by you. They feel threatened because anything that's different falls outside their comfort zone and that makes them scared. They hide their fear by ganging up in groups and typically that's where bullying comes from, whether it is verbal or physical, it is seated in fear and a low self esteem.

So look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of who you are, you are more than anyone that's stuck in a comfort zone with a limited outlook on life... My advice; ignore them and feel sorry for them, life has a way of giving back ten fold of what you give out, so their reward will be ten fold the abuse they dish out. It works the other way around too, be good to others and good will return to you ten fold.

I think you should give yourself permission to be yourself and then learn to be positive about it. Think of all the positive things that you have and can have in your life. If you have a negative thought, replace it with a positive one. Your outlook on life will greatly influence what happens to you, and you can steer that to be positive if you force yourself to see the positive things.

So in stead of thinking I'm gay and will never have someone in my life, rather tell yourself out loud that I am gay and can have a great guy in my life... Do that with every negative thought, turn it into a positive one and before you know it your life will be positive.

You are an amazing person, it's time you tell yourself that and it's time that you start to believe it.

 

Wouldn't you be facing the same, or similar, challenges in your life if you were straight?

 

So you agree there's a lot of weirdness and shame regardless of your sexuality.

Don't blame yourself for being stunted socially. The people that are close to you should be making it comfortable for you to discuss anything with them.

 

You've taken another step forward by acknowledging that the weirdness and shame are products of your own mind.

You are usually very upbeat about your life and where its headed. Now you're being too hard on yourself. Can you share something positive about yourself with us?

 

That's the spirit, remember to be yourself, it's all that you can do. Hell I've been struggling with the same thing for over a decade, I've gone as far as dating the opposite sex and feeling incredibly guilty about it. The sooner you completely accept yourself the easier life will be.

 

They might... Mainly because the dreams they had for you, i.e. wife, kids etc. needs to be replaced with a new set of dreams to fit the new set of facts that they may have suspected but never had confirmed. So as you yourself have to go trough a grieving period, they too have to go trough it. The good news is that time heals and that they will get trough it unless they of the super conservative type that are totally anti gay. You'll have to give them time and space...