Hey, I've never posted on this site before but came here because over the last couple of months I've suddenly started to be quite confused about my sexuality. I'm 16 years old and have considered myself to be 100% straight throughout my entire life up until a couple of months ago where I started to have random thoughts about gay sexual acts which aren't appealing to me in the slightest although they keep coming back constantly. I have a close group of friends who are guys that I have known for the majority of my life and sometimes when I am with them it feels like my mind is forcing me to find them attractive despite the fact that I have never had feelings emotionally or sexually for someone of the same sex. I also often force myself to stare at guys to try and find out if there is some sort of attraction. I've always been attracted to women and have had girlfriends in the past who I really liked and enjoyed spending time with which is why these thoughts have been so disturbing to me as it is making me feel that I should not be attracted to women anymore. I am aware of HOCD and I've suffered with minor OCD in my life but had not been affected much at all in day-to-day life until I started getting these thoughts. They make me feel that I should not be attracted to women anymore and as a result, I am worried that I am losing feelings towards women that previously existed. I'm not homophobic in the slightest and my family would be perfectly accepting if I came out to them as gay but I'm just wondering if anyone else has been through the same thing that I currently am and if it sounds like I am just paranoid or I may be bisexual/gay. Thanks
Hey Ryan, Welcome to EC. I am 24 and went through something very similar to what you are going through, but it was for women. I have come to term that I am quite possibly Bi, with a preference for men. I am not saying that you are, your sexaulity is individual to you, and you alone. Thinking that you might be attracted to men, does not mean that you cannot still be attracted women. You can be attracted to all/any gender, if that is how your sexuality develops. I am not saying that this is your case, but it is just a thought.
Hi there. Well, what phoenix89 said is true, even if you do find you have an attraction to guys that doesn't invalidate your attraction to girls; you can be attracted to both, although not necessarily to the same degree or in the same ways. Also, bi people can go through periods when they feel attracted to one gender over another- it doesn't mean their feelings for the other gender have disappeared, just that they aren't currently as strong as their feelings for the gender they're attracted to now. It can swing back and forth that way. Personally, I'd hesitate to say you're bi, but maybe that info might help You say that your thoughts aren't appealing to you, so that raises doubts as to you having genuine attractions to guys. Are these thoughts welcome in your mind or are they more or less intrusive and unwanted? Are there any fantasies that you have, sexual or romantic, that you enjoy or wouldn't mind having again? If not, I'd say it's a pretty long shot to say you're attracted to guys. If you're not too sure, which is fine, then let your mind wander and see where that takes you. Allow yourself to fantasise (no stimuli, just you and your imagination) and see what naturally crops up and who you can see yourself with. Girls? Guys? Both? Along a similar vein, who do your eyes find themselves drawn towards while you're out in public? Just disengaging (easier said than done) for a while and noting who your mind gravitates towards can give you a couple of ideas. You sound to me like you're working yourself up a little if you aren't enjoying any gay thoughts you have, but I might be wrong- it's only you who can work it out, not anyone else- and keep an open mind. Chill out, give it time, and you'll work it out eventually!
