So I'm 98% sure I'm a lesbian because I can only see myself enjoying sex with a girl and being with a guy has never felt right. But here's the problem...I work at Taco Bell and I noticed that I check out guys more than I check out girls. Not in the damn I wanna jump his bones type of way but more in recognizing how attractive they are. It's been really confusing me. Help?
Have you ever walked past a restaurant when you weren't hungry and thought to yourself "Daaaamn that smells good!" ? Perhaps you've walked around a clothing store knowing full well you didn't need or want anything and spotted a skirt that was TO DIE FOR! Maybe you've been dicking around on the internet and thought, 'you know what I don't have...a NERF gun!' Why am I making seemingly random statements about pointless crap? Because by the sounds of things you know what you want, you just happen to notice other things too. You know, I can walk past every chip shop in England and think 'that smells good' because most of the food tastes the same. There are exceptions but damn it, decent chips all smell the same way. But I can only walk past a handful of Indian restaurants and think the same thing because it is HARD to get that stuff right. My point is, if you're not interested in dating guys, you WILL notice more of them, because all of a sudden you're not holding them to the standard you perhaps normally would. With girls, you see people and you automatically filter some people out. It just happens. 'Can I see myself with that girl' goes through your mind without even having to think about it. With guys, you don't have that problem, you don't NEED to ask yourself that question because you know you never will.
I've been troubled with the same situation. I've also only been in relationships with guys before and quite recently realised that I'm lesbian. After thinking a lot (and reading a lot of posts on this forum) I've come to the conclusion that I'm a biromantic lesbian. I can find guys attractive but it's mostly their personality/looks/eyes etc and it doesn't mean that I want to have sex or a relationship with them, it's more like I want to just be around them or look at them. I'm still pretty sure I'm lesbian though because no guy can make me as turned on as a sexy girl. Naked guys does nothing for me. I also feel like I can't get a connection with guys the same way I can with girls, and when I think about the future I see myself with a woman. So I guess my point is that I believe that you can identify as lesbian and still check out guys or even find them attractive.
Honestly, I think that sexuality isn't confusing, you like who you like, you have sex with who you find attractive, etc. Society's heteronormative expectations along with a need to label you as orientation X tend to make people feel confused. I find some guys attractive, and I feel the way you described it is pretty spot on for me. You may be bisexual, biromantic, etc. I think the best thing that has helped me sort through my sexuality (still tons of sorting left!) is just a go with the flow attitude and do what feels right. I tried stuff with men and just found out, meh, it isn't what I want; and women, oh boy they definitely are!
