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How did you know if you were bi or in denial?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by stuffandthings, Apr 7, 2014.

  1. stuffandthings

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    TL;DR I'm at that confusing stage where I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or just in denial, and on top of that I've seen people talking about 'false attractions' on here. I feel I may experience these but I don't know how to tell them apart from real attractions.

    I thought I liked guys exclusively until I was 19. I had crushes on them, but didn't understand sexual attraction and didn't like to be touched (by any gender but especially men) or feel vulnerable. Couple that with social anxiety and I avoided my crushes entirely. Nowadays I think that I'm sexually attracted to women (I'm not sure I could do the emotional part), but I can't figure out where I am with guys. The idea of being with specific men that I trust a lot is very appealing. Immediately before this crisis I had crushes, all on men. I don't know how to categorize or treat my feelings towards them. Honesty time: I would be immensely relieved to be bisexual because that would mean I wouldn't have to give up on being with men. I know that this removes my ability to be objective. If I could stop caring I would, but shifting to full-on gay would require me to totally reevaluate everything I thought I wanted and even what my fantasies are. I can only think of that as inconvenient and painful.
     
  2. Orange Bananas

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    Only you can know, but if what straight sex entails is something you would theoretically enjoy, I'd call your situation bisexuality. If not, homosexuality, although you coud be a biromantic homosexual or a heteroromantic homosexual.
     
  3. stuffandthings

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    Thanks for the response. :slight_smile: Yeah, it's weird... sometimes I think straight sex would be nice, sometimes I don't think I could get into it (although honestly I have a hard time getting into the idea of lesbian sex as well). I have no experience and I historically don't imagine myself in sexual situations so that's difficult to begin with.

    I did consider heteroromantic homosexual... that sure does sound difficult to navigate.
     
  4. IsThisAName

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    I am going through the same thing right now. I'm not sure if I'm bi or in denial, and it's hard to accept the possibility that I could be gay. However, I have gotten used to the idea of being with girls since I had time to accept myself, and at first the thought of possibly not experiencing everything I had pictured/what was expected of me from my family (marrying a guy, having kids with him, the typical) was terrifying. I knew I was attracted to women but at first I told myself I could never have a relationship with one. With time, I came to realize that I would actually love dating girls.

    Now, this doesn't mean the same will happen to you (that you will feel emotionally attracted to girls as well)--but my point with this is that, as time passes, you get used to the idea of reevaluating everything and it becomes less scary. Society has conditioned us to picture our lives ahead of us as "straight," so when we realize we aren't straight, it can be terrifying because a lot of the things we pictures for ourselves can come crashing down. The reality is that you can still have the things you pictured, even if you are gay--you can be happy, you can meet someone you love, you can even have kids (sperm donors and adoption!), it will just be with a girl if you're gay, and that's totally okay because if you're gay, that is what you will want.

    As to how to you can figure out whether you're bi or in denial, I am in the same struggle right now. But I can tell you that when I was still in denial of being bi and still hadn't fully accepted my attraction to girls, I came here and started posting and reading other's stories and asking for advice just like you are right now, and I can definitely say that this place, along with time, has helped me to clear things up in my head. My advice would just be to keep reading things here, and keep posting, and give it time, and I think the answer will come to you. That's what's worked so far for me :slight_smile:
     
  5. stuffandthings

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    That is beautifully written, thank you. :slight_smile: I don't really want kids so thankfully at least that's not a problem (god help us all if I'm ever in charge of another human being).

    I guess I just thought it would be more obvious to me by now. Most people say they knew from a relatively young age... I was totally clueless so I've had plenty of time to become emotionally invested in the idea of being with men. :l
     
  6. IsThisAName

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    Anytime :slight_smile: If you ever need to talk, you can always write on my wall. Seriously, I know exactly how ya feel cause I'm going through the same thing. I didn't know from a young age either. I spent most of my life believing I was straight up until about four months ago, so like you said, I had plenty of time to just assume I was gonna be with men. However there are people here who realize that they're gay when they're in their 30s, 40s, etc, and I don't know how old you are, but there is no "right" age to discover your sexuality. We are all different. Some people know from a young age, some people don't. It sucks because I sure do wish I could've known earlier sometimes. But it'll all be okay :slight_smile:
     
  7. stuffandthings

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    I'm 22. There's a good 3 year gap there because I got a ridiculous giddy crush on a guy (not sure I'm done with that actually) and therefore assumed this problem was solved. It's weird, my attraction to women actually went totally dormant for all that time.

    Thanks again for the support.
     
  8. sayaka

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    This is how I realized I was very much a bisexual, I asked myself..."Could I love a man?" And I answered yes, of course. Then I asked myself "Could I love a woman?" And surprising myself I answered a yes, love is love and I just love people for who they are, regardless of gender. It didn't take me long at all to fully accept that I was bisexual.