Hey there, So I have never told anyone about these feelings, like no one, but if I don't do something I think I will go crazy. Long story short, I have had crushes on girls since kindergarten, which I have only accepted a few years ago. I fell in love with my best friend in middle school and stayed that way until we graduated high school together. I think that it was love and not just a crush because I honestly just felt happier when she was around and did not mind that I could not kiss her. She often touches my hand or leans against me, which probably did not help, and I am not a touchy person so I would often feel warm to her touch but would never try to touch her back or anything. Anyway, the story behind that relationship could go on forever, but luckily once I got to college not being able to see her everyday made it surprisingly easy to get over her. I'm still in college and I continue to see women as being attractive and there have been a few instances that I feel that happy feeling again when a cute girl talks to me. However, whenever I go to parties I always seek out boys and cannot imagine myself dancing with a girl without feeling very uncomfortable about it. I also cannot imagine actually having sex with a woman or a man without it being super awkward, but I often imagine making out with women. I started dating this guy a few months ago and we are very similar in that we are both quiet and have many of the same interests and I like making out with him, but whenever he wants to go further I am never turned on and it is pretty horrible. I am still a virgin and have not even surpassed third base because I felt so uncomfortable. The question is whether or not I do not want to have sex because I do not like men at all or if we are just not compatible enough. Is it normal for girls who are pretty convinced that they are lesbians to date a guy and experiment or is this just mean? I think I just answered my question, because clearly I should not be with someone who I cannot see a future with and cannot even get through third base with. I guess my real question is how should I proceed? I am not a sexual person, I am only attracted to straight girls, I genuinely like making out with guys, and I cannot imagine myself having sex with anyone. Sorry for spilling all of this out, I have great friends including a gay guy best friend, but they have discussed how uncomfortable it would be living with a lesbian so I do not want to talk to them about this yet. Thank you for listening.
Not wanting to have sex could be awkwardness on that topic or maybe that's just not what you want in a relationship. If your boyfriend makes you happy, go with it. Who knows what could happen? If you haven't already, make sure he knows how comfortable you are with groping and that you don't want to have sex.
Sounds like you're not in the right relationship. Your bf sounds alright, but that's not enough. You don't sound like you're attracted to him in the slightest. You don't even mention an emotional connection which, for me, is key. You could be asexual, but I just think you're not comfortable/ready to go further because you don't feel any love for him. To me, what you have is a friendship. I think you need to think long and hard about your relationship with this guy.
Wow thank you both so much, I really needed to hear all of that. My boyfriend is a great guy, he always texts about how my day is going, constantly keeps me involved with his friends, and never pushes me to do anything. But I think you are right An0n, I am not emotionally connected to him and often wish that I could be hanging out with my best friends on the weekend than spend it with him, which does not seem right at all. I have considered whether I am asexual, but part of me just thinks that I am turned off by men and that maybe I am just forcing myself not to think about women in that way because I cannot accept who I am. I am definitely thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend before the summer because I will not be a good girlfriend to him since I find myself not even replying back to his texts for hours at a time because I don't seem to care enough. I realize how horrible this sounds so maybe I should just end it as soon as I can because this is not fair to him. I am just worried that I will feel this way in all my relationships with guys but I honestly cannot picture myself coming out anytime soon. Thanks again for the advice!
