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any words of wisdom?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by scarlettA, Apr 9, 2014.

  1. scarlettA

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    Hi. This is my first time posting here, and my first time posting anything about my sexuality. I'm 25 and I've been in a relationship with a guy for over a year. All of my serious relationships have been with men. I've also had feelings of attraction toward women for a long time, which is really hard for me to acknowledge even to myself. When I fantasize about sex, it usually involves women. Lately, things have been kind of difficult - I'm not always sexually attracted to my boyfriend (even though I love him very much), and he can tell, which has been causing tension in our relationship. I've also been having recurrent thoughts about being with women sexually that are hard for me to deal with and bring up a lot of anxiety. I made out with two women earlier this year, but other than that, I've only had sexual relationships/contact with men. I think that part of me wants to experiment, and figure out more about my identity, but that prospect is also pretty terrifying for me. There is one woman in particular who I can't get out of my mind. I no longer see her regularly, and I miss her with an intensity that feels almost embarrassing to acknowledge to myself, let alone talk about with anyone else. I'm also just kind of frustrated with myself - I'm 25, and I feel like I should have figured out my sexuality by now.
     
  2. An0n

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    You shouldn't kick yourself - some people don't realize/acknowledge/come to terms with their sexuality until much later in life.

    I find the prospect of being intimate with anyone quite daunting, but when you are in a relationship with that individual and have that strong bond/connection/attraction all the fears slip away. The nervousness remains, but arousal and curiosity will take precedence. I think it's perfectly natural, no matter what the coupling.

    The problem is in order to explore your sexuality you jeopardize your relationship. You love your bf very much, but do you think he could wait for you while you go on your journey of self discovery? It wouldn't be fair on him. Ultimately you need to determine what this love is. Is it platonic friend/family kinda love or is it love but you've grown bored or distracted and consequently question it?

    Think about it carefully - be considerate toward his feelings but remember that if it's not working out for you it's better to be honest with him sooner rather than later.

    25, pah, your still young!
     
  3. scarlettA

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    Thanks for responding! I definitely have felt sexual attraction to my bf in the past, and I love him in a way that is much more than platonic. It's just that lately, those feelings haven't been there...and I can't tell if it's because of boredom/distraction or just stress outside of our relationship, or if it's because I feel more attracted to women.

    I'm not really considering ending our relationship or dating women at this point...for the most part, we have a really strong relationship and understand and support each other very well. We've also talked about some of this stuff - he knew about/was okay with me making out with two women earlier this year. It's just...I can't get the obsessive thoughts out of my head that really I am attracted to women. And when I can't figure out who I am or what I want, I start to feel like maybe there is something wrong with me and the feelings that I am having.
     
  4. An0n

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    No, there's nothing wrong. I don't think you took the opportunity to explore your sexuality when single and now that you're tied down maybe you have some regrets? Do you think you could/would bye with your bf for the rest of your life? Sounds almost like pre-wedding jitters.