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help me figure this out. 3 different orientations through out my life

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by dan89, Apr 9, 2014.

  1. dan89

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    Hi, I've popted many times on here about my ocd but let's forget that here, I've done alot of thinking and soul searching and I've come to be so confused maybe you guys could help me out in working out what I am because suffering with ocd is making this so much harder than need be.

    From a young age I always knew I was straight I loved the female form, everything about it. Was highly sexually attracted to girls, been in love a few times, had many partners. But then over night when I was 17/18 I had the obsession I was gay, just the words your gay repeating.I had never found a guy attractive in my life. Then when it all passed I became in an asexual state. I didn't find either sex sexually attractive, it didn't bother me too much until recently, I had still had a lot of partners and been in love with girls and had 2 long term relationships one of which I'm still in, but something wasn't right but I worked with what I had.

    Now at 25 the obsession has come back only this time I feel an attraction to guys, feelings I havnt felt in years, I still don't enjoy gay porn or even get aroused by men but I feel an attraction to guys faces pretty strongly. I have gone deep into the last 7 years in my mind, and realised that I have been asexual for 7 years. When I tithing about women I get aroused, I still watch straight porn and skype sessions with my gf which arouses me slightly but in person I don't feel too much, I still love my gf but it feels weird now. I can't imagine being with a guy but still there is an attraction, I don't enjoy it most of the time, it always comes with anxiety and a sick feeling. I duno if denial is causing that.

    Is it possible my orientation has been changing over time or am I bisexual and very fluid or am I still asexual as I really havnt felt really aroused by anything since that night when I was 17. I know I was straight and now I don't feel straight atall. Is this in my head? I mean I have never thought of a single guy more than friends before, I've never crushed on a guy before. Ergh it's so confusing. I'm not ready to test my gayness atall, I think it would destroy my brain at this moment in time. I'm beginning to go into mourning about my attractions I used to have with women. Will they ever return? I'm pretty sure this isn't a realisation because I know full well how attracted I used to be to females. Maybe an insight from anyone could help me figure this out. Is this even possible as I'm always reading that sexuality is defined at birth but for me it feels like I've gone through 3 very different orientations. I really don't wana loose my Gf through this as she is perfect for me so this couldn't have come at a worse time

    ---------- Post added 10th Apr 2014 at 02:02 AM ----------

    I would also like to point out that even though I've had one or 2 homoerotic dreams they are almost exclusively hetro and lately they have almost been every night, is it possible that I suppressed my gay side that I accidently suppressed my straight side too, is that even a real thing or did I just make that up? Do dreams help working stuff out? Can I go by Them?
     
  2. dan89

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    I realise I've probably bored most people with my constant ocd posts but this post is routed a different way, I need help so I can find some kind of peace in my life