It's hard to fit into a label

I'm lesbian and have no physical attraction to men what so ever but I can't speak for all lesbians yes i can notice a man is hot or sexy but I don't want to hop into bed with him , I don't want to date him or get to know him any better . I don't care how big his penis is and I'm not turned on by seeing it .
I've also heard from my bisexual friend and a few straight women that not all straight or bi women find penis nice to look at or get turned on by it .
If you don't want to label yourself I say why rush i surely didn't label myself when I first found out I liked women I went label less . I think it's much better to let the chips fall where they may date who you want crush on who you want and things will become much clearer . some of us aren't always lucky to figure things out it takes us a little longer than others . I also don't like meeting in bars I'm not much of a party person I prefer online dating myself hope this helps

 

Your welcome I'm glad I helped Most of us have been there and sometimes alone so I know how you feel .

 

Hi there,

I used to go round and round in circles trying to work out what exactly I am, trying to find the right label that fits the best. There seems to be so much pressure to fit into one or the other.

I think being true to yourself, and what you're feeling, rather than trying to squeeze into a label is more healthy. At the moment, I find "queer" more helpful, as it is a bit more vague. Ultimately in the whole process in coming out, it is about learning to be you, and not what you feel you should be, whether that's straight or gay.

For me, although I don't find men's bodies attractive, I have enjoyed being with them sexually. However with women, I do find them very very attractive, and feel a lot more 'charged' around them. For me it's about shades of intensity on a spectrum. Since allowing myself to explore my attraction towards women, my interest in men has really fallen away. But I don't want to rule out being with a man as I think that would be imposing unnecessary restrictions on myself. However at the moment, I am on online dating sites looking for a girlfriend, as that is where I want to be at the moment.

I am also currently reading "Sexual Fluidity" by Lisa Diamond, who based on scientific research basically argues that the majority of "sexual minority women" (I.e. Lesbian, bi, or unlabelled) do have some degree of sexual fluidity which isn't set in stone one way or another. She has followed about 80 sexual minority women for 10 years and seen that their self labelling has often changed at least once over that time. I would check her book it, or look up one of her lectures on youtube- I found it really helpful.

Hope that helps.

 

I'm a lesbian and I don't really fancy guys but I can appercaite a good looking man doesn't mean I wanna kiss him but you don't need to label yourself if you don't want to if you like guys that's great if you girls that's great too if you like both that's great too.

 

That's a great book, I read it last year also. Interestingly, in her more recent talks she's said she's found that this is not something that only women go through-anyone's sexuality can be fluid, male or female.

 

I can appreciate an attractive man to look at but I don't want to play with his joy stick.

 

I was confused by this for the longest time, I would see a woman who I thought was very nice to look at, despite the fact I had no sexual desire for her, I would tell myself I liked her, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't used to get strictly romantic crushes on girls, but one I started exploring with them I always lost interest. That is why I am still a virgin despite the fact that I could have slept with at least 5 different women, I did receive oral from one, but she couldn't get me off(in retrospect I should have known then)