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Coming to terms with being demisexual and what that means for me

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by rainmustfall, Apr 11, 2014.

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  1. rainmustfall

    rainmustfall Guest

    I have known for a long time that I am demisexual leaning closer to asexual. It never really bothered me to much until recently. Since I have fallen truly deeply in love, I began to realize that I wanted the happiness of a romantic partner.

    The problem is that I don't form strong attraction easily at all. I feel like trying to date the way a lot of people do would be really unfair to other people, since I have only felt strong attraction for one person. I know this, and yet I still wish for someone to hold at night, someone to talk to, and someone to be there with me.

    I have never even gotten to snuggle with someone, let alone make love or have sex. I have desires, but feeling them for other people is so incredibly rare for me. I am so deeply in love, yet I strongly suspect the person I am in love with has let me go and has moved on. I am trying to grieve, but because of how I am, I am starting to realize the full extent of the obstacles that lie before me should I try and get what I desire. I want to be loved and feel deep love and desire. I really need that in my life to function well, but it is just so hard for me to find that.

    People often overlook the fact that I am demisexual and overlook the problems that can come with it. Heck I used to do that too. Not any more. Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get it out.
     
    #1 rainmustfall, Apr 11, 2014
  2. hii

    hii
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    (Near) Toronto, ON
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I found Demisexual and Romantic Relationships/Dating? - The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions - Asexual Visibility and Education Network which could be helpful. It's also good to be up-front about what you want out of a relationship. That way, you don't have to feel like you're being unfair with anyone.

    But you've also said that you are (present-tense) in love with the person whom you think has let you go. I don't think it's a good idea for anyone, especially someone focused on the romantic side of things like yourself, to try dating when you're still not over someone or completely sure that a relationship has ended. I suggest to be more sure of if your previous partner has moved on and, if necessary, allow yourself to let go. Also, instead of feeling the need to have someone love you, love yourself first. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 hii, Apr 12, 2014
  3. rainmustfall

    rainmustfall Guest

    Oh I do love myself, and yeah I totally agree about spending time grieving and getting over things. I have always been so confident in being by myself before, and everything that has happened to me has made me start to reevaluate what I want in relating to other people. It's a pretty big change in perspective for me, realizing that I can be attracted to people this deeply and what might be possible. I never even considered it before.
     
    #3 rainmustfall, Apr 12, 2014
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